Me Time

Yesterday I redefined shabbos as a break from what I usually do, whether that be the six days of labor or the seventh day of avoiding activities which occupy the other six days.  I took a day off dedicated to myself and my inner spirit.  This included a certain amount of Avot Melacha, and maybe stuff that I could have done today instead but yesterday was the better time for it.  Kohl's opened for pre-Valentines Day at 7AM so they were about the only place open when I started.   They were clearing out their winter duds so I picked up two winter hats, a new pair of leather gloves and a scarf made something that resembled wool but wasn't.  I really do not need any of these, having always lived in a place that has four seasons which enabled these acquisitions over time.  Moreover, I almost never have to go outside, my day beginning with a few meters walk from the front door to the driveway, followed by a parking space in the hospital's covered garage, then the reverse order home.  Even on shabbos, it is not far from the AKSE parking lot to the front door.  But this was a day of indulgence so for less than $16 for all the stuff I could not go wrong.

Next stop the new Panera Bread Company for a Mediterranean Breakfast Egg White sandwich which I ate there while wearing my new gray driving cap with the ear flaps tucked under and a large dark coffee which I nursed in the car's cup holder all the way to my next destination, Historic Cape May off season.  My GPS has  a bias for the Interstates but the official State of New Jersey Transit Map that I picked up a couple of years ago at a state highway rest stop had more inviting routes that I planned out the night before though I still got snookered off course by the GPS.  Since I had no other destination and both routes took me places that I had never traveled before, it did not matter much which road I drove on, keeping the map open next to me in the passenger seat which allowed me to reconstruct my preferred route as I traversed the width of South Jersey.  Like many of my previous day trips, the path there creates more interest than the final destination.  I think of the New Jersey of my youth, populated by cousins who failed to follow the rest of the family east to Long Island, a connection between Rockland County where I lived and Manhattan where I wanted to go.  Even now when I live literally minutes from the bridge that give me access, it is still a barrier to crossing the border at the other end to get where I want to go in New York.  It is rarely a destination for its own merits.  This time, though, as Route 49 took me through Salem, then Bridgeton, then Millville, finally making the rest of the ride along Route 47 which has its eastern terminus in the resort town of Wildwood with little else in-between, there was real farmland, a huge state prison without a lot of citizens nearby to object to its presence and as the shore loomed, some places that people might like to retire to.

Once nearby I again needed the GPS to find my way to the Emlen Physick House at 1048 Washington Street, the town's main attraction.  Cape May runs a year-round tourism project with a guided tour by trolley around town, which has been designated an historic site due to its abundance of Victorian style houses, some in lurid colors.  Over the years I've become familiar with old mansions, paying admission to acquire inspiration for what I would like to do with my house but haven't.  One of the observations that has always intrigued me but seems fairly constant from place to place is that the country squires who own them never really keep pace with the technical advances that develop while they reside there.  Despite the unquestionably prosperous Physick family staying until 1935, there was no telephone service, lighting was still done by gas, and there was no radio.  To maintain the many houses in town would take a lot of artisans but no body quite knows where they or their shops are.   There is a second mansion that I could have toured as well but opted to walk around town on my own.  Most of the places were closed but they have a pedestrian mall where some of the shops stay open on weekends so I bought a bag of Kosher-certified salt water taffy and had it placed in a box that resembled one of the town's Victorian structures.

By early afternoon I was a little hungry.  There was a sandwich shop near the lot where I placed my car, so I purchased by customary tuna hoagie, eating half there then half to be stored on the front seat for later.  Next stop, the Hawk Haven Winery nearby.  Finding it did not go easily as my GPS did not include any of the Cape May County wineries in its directory.  The girl at the Wawa who I expected to know a major regional destination was underage but one of the customer was not, so he pointed me in the right direction but it was still not easy to find, the vines being on one side of the street with the tasting room discretely placed on the other.  They hosted an advertised event of wine and chocolate pairing which made this the most crowded winery I've ever visited since the Bar Mitzvah class took their phony ID's to the Manischewitz plant.  The owner just brought his first newborn home from the hospital the day before so Grandpa and an employee held the fort.  Despite the crowd, it went well, though I think I liked the various types of chocolate squares better than the wine.  Next stop, en route home, the Natali Vineyard which also had a special event, a local vendor selling baked goods and a local artisan displaying and selling valentines candles.  The lady at the tasting room did not use a measuring pourer and had a generous hand.  The final two liquid specimens, intended for dessert included 15.7% alcohol versions of banana wine and port.  Upon departing, I took the second half of lunch from its wrapper and finished it before moving on the Route 47 for the non-stop return home.


Did I achieve my highest level of amusement?  Probably not yet.  I did learn a little more about me than I realized before.  First, I like visiting old mansions.  My house, built in 1967 and occupied by me since 1981 may have done a little better in some ways than the owners of the homes in Hyde Park, Winterthur, or the Emlen Physick house.  My house gets advanced.  A visitor to my place would find things in it that did not exist at construction time in 1967.  We have modern central air conditioning.  The antenna attached to the chimney came down with the last roof revision, to be replaced by cable transmission.  We have appliances that did not exist when we first moved in.  Somebody touring our house would find a flat screen TV of recent vintage, a small TV in the bedroom purchased around the time my daughter was born in 1983 and on my desk a 1960's black and white portable TV.  There are electric typewriters now obsolete.  There is a stereo with turntable and cassette deck.  But my house is not a museum.  As better devices come along, they find their way into how I actually live.

I also appreciate my time a little better.  As one of my six semiannual projects, I designate one day a month for a day trip to a place I have not been before.  Sometimes my time has to be truly mine, not a lot of it, but some.  It does not belong entirely to the patients and housestaff of Mercy Philadelphia Hospital, not to my family, not to the synagogue, or since that time may be allocated on shabbos, not even to HaKodesh Barachu.    Some measure of defined time has to belong to me alone, to be separated from other things that fall into have to do categories.  Yesterday defined one of those necessary dedicated blocs of  me time.

The Week Ahead

As I begin the work week, there are no major appointments or projects or days off.  No trips to the satellite clinic.  No conferences to prepare, no evening meetings to attend or not as my hospital obligations dictate, no grandiose plans for the weekend, just activities settling back into their customary rhythms for the first time in a while.  There are always chores and there are always my six projects to work toward.

They are:

1. Begin a research project.
2. Purge my downstairs of papers so I can bring in a cleaning crew.
3. Develop a real herb garden.
4. Write my estate plan.
5. Submit three papers for publication, two Jewish and one medical.
6. Go on a day trip once a month.

This should be the type of week that allows me to pursue them.

Proceeding in a Thoughtful Way

Bingo will continue at AKSE for another six months or so votes the Board, with my vote in the majority, even though I personally regard Bingo as the wrong business for a synagogue to pursue.  They do not generate enough revenue from this to defray financial shortfalls in a conclusive way.  I concur with a negative voter who commented that the revenue does not justify the effort expended on this and the financial risk of an unsuccessful venture.  Yet it is one of the few projects at AKSE that I can honestly say has been thought through in an objective analytical fashion by the people developing it.  Its potential exceeds other fundraisers by a little yet is very labor intensive.  Getting forty volunteers to help out, including many who have this as their main form of time donation to the synagogue, keeps the needed labor fairly secure to say nothing of the need to engage people in synagogue activities.  Yet under best circumstances this is 8% of the congregation's budget.  The bulk of revenue comes from dues paid by membership units and from voluntary donations beyond the dues structure.  Still, the $8000 start-up investment required the organizers to analyze its potential and its risks, make corrections to inevitable missteps, then reassess outcome.

Very little at AKSE follows that outline, my own project of AKSE Academy included.  If the honchos are serious about growth and financial stability, they will have to apply similar due diligence to membership.

Nominating Committee

AKSE Board Meeting upcoming in a few days.  This month's agenda contains one dominant item, whether to continue Bingo as an ongoing fundraiser.  My position is currently neutral, but could be influenced by how the last year's experience is presented, or even by its results.  Less obtrusively on the agenda will be the announcement of the creation of a Nominating Committee.  While funds enable activities, people create the experience of engaging in those activities.

Being a nominal democracy, AKSE's members did themselves in for their own convenience a few years ago when they agree to a bylaws change that eliminated term limits for all officers other than the President.  While holding a position for a long time can create expertise, that really has not happened with the possible exception of the Building VP where there has been some turnover.  More characteristically, inbreeding stifles the ideas and innovations that are needed to make a place sparkle.

I do not know the composition of the Nominating Committee but can hazard a pretty safe guess that it will contain a small group of the President's A-List, a cadre devoid of anything that has a scintilla of entrepreneurial experience or intent.  AKSE will always function as a top down organization as an unintended consequence, despite the very sincere belief of the participants that all members have a stake in what happens there.

Old Friends

On my day off I ended up doing three useful tasks:  assembling the snow blower, having my haircut and purchasing four post cards of my home state to send to people I've not connected with in a while.

When traveling to New York last month my path took me through the Bronx, more specifically through the neighborhood of a very likable friend whose career rose over decades and plummeted over months.  I'd not known what became of my friend.  He largely disappeared from Google searches, either professionally or in communal activities.  Yet I thought of him as I drove through the neighborhood in slow traffic that allowed me to look around in the early winter darkness.  I arrived at my motel where they had sample postcards on the counter.  I took one, penned a brief note the next day but it sat in my living room for a month while I got around to purchasing 29 cent postal card stamps.

My son returned from St. Louis for the first time for winter break.  I have lots of medical classmates who settled in the area, most of whom I've not seen or heard of since graduation.  One psychiatry friend I kept up with in the early days of practice, marriage, kids and finally the early days of email but again a lapse of about 15 years.  I do not know why she came to mind but as I purchased the four postcards of local interest, my first thought was which would be the one to best send her as a greeting.

Facebook has made renewing ties a lot easier.  There was, and maybe still is, a dependence on weddings and funerals to bridge geography with perhaps a supplementation from class reunions.  With the passage of time, the interests of closest personal friends diverge for a good reason while people who were mere acquaintances at a remote time have emerged as intriguing likable people in cyberspace.  Some are caricatures of how I remember them, as undoubtedly I am to them.  Forty years, though, provides a lot of  opportunity to accomplish things, develop personality or personal ideology, nurture families, and watch ourselves become the dominant generation.  All of these things got their start with a boost from the people we knew way back when.  With a little luck and outreach we could still know many of them today.

Doing Nothing

A rare day dedicated to laudable sloth.  On my third cup of coffee.  It's been a not too busy week with a day off for New Years Day and somewhat quiet in the office, dedicated to some catchup.  The latter part of the week and lack of consecutive days off from work for a few weeks made me schedule some real me time or maybe more correctly leave me alone time.  Yesterday morning I gave my periodic donation of platelets and plasma.  It required me to get up early, eat at a time I normally would not have eaten, then get to the Blood Bank on time for a couple of hours of idle time watching Create TV, which is what I most like to do.  It went very efficiently leaving me a chance to arrive at AKSE at my usual Saturday morning time.  Mostly I skip services on platelet day but I am responsible for AKSE Academy so I thought I better mosey around and make sure the setup has gone as it should.  After some rest in the afternoon, I returned to AKSE to host the event which went well.  It always poses a strain on me, particularly towards the final week when I need to accommodate needs of speakers and assign rooms or deal with last minute cancellations.  So the following day, today, I just want to do nada, though I really should assemble my snow blower that has been sitting in a box in the garage for three months.  Maybe I'll dry-wall the bathroom ceiling, maybe not.  No obligations today.  No agenda for productivity.  Maybe go to Shop-Rite, maybe not.  Should soak fleishig dishes, probably will do that.  Maybe send postcards to old friends.  Things that I would otherwise not do.

A New Year

I stayed up late to watch the gaudy ball come down over Times Square, had a small amount of low priced but good Spanish bubbly, then departed for a night's sleep to begin tackling the tasks of the coming calendar year.  After pondering for a month, there is just not that much more personal upgrading that I would like to undertake.  It would be nice to live with less clutter but do I really want to do the things that bring it about?  Maximize longevity?  Yes, up to a point.  Exercise daily, probably not.  Write a book for posterity?  Maybe.  Create fixed time devoted to nothing else, unlikely.

For the first time in a while, I could say that life has been going reasonably well, with the usual stresses but 2011 had fewer crises than most.  The relative predictability of job, kids in school a while longer, stable home all create a lull to not want to seek very much beyond that.