Shuled out one more time. Or really more wanting to avoid the place and its people. It's not been my best experience of late/ Feeling imposed upon in some aspects, ignored or marginalized in others. Moreover, I have something of relative importance to do there next shabbos assigned to me under less than my preferred circumstances. Not stayed home on a Saturday morning in a while. This time I pondered whether to drag myself there or give myself the shabbos off.
I looked at the program that comes to me passively online every Thursday. Very long Torah reading, longest of the annual portions, though done with professionalism by our hired Cantor. Rabbi away. Ex-President, one who irritated me during his tenure, giving the sermon. He doesn't give an inept presentation, though hardly worth the special trip. Regulars doing most of the service, one always expertly, other two above threshold. None creating an expectation of special. Within standard, not a lot above or below. At the end, announcement of birthdays. Conduct of Saturday morning business would be an apt summary of my expectation.
Nothing inspiring, nothing challenging. I would essentially be punching my Jewish clock. Sitting politely. Getting my weekly 10 ml of scotch when it's done.
Most weeks I feel more engaged. Sometimes as participant, sometimes as admirer of what the Rabbi or his surrogate puts together. An admirer of the talent of people who execute their portions especially well. We have an impressive number of congregants who can do that. We also have some who have not endeared themselves to me. I also have encounters extraneous to shabbos that leave either a favorable or unfavorable impression. Shabbos is about separation. The impression does not always separate. This week it does not, nor does it have another form of offsetting some unhappy recent vibes.
Take the weekend off. Reset for the Board Meeting during the week, prepare my upcoming Torah reading so that I can be proficient for my turn next week. Best alternative.
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