As I married into my wife's family, I immediately adopted their holiday gift customs, or really created more of a hybrid with my own family's traditions. Birthdays thoughtful but not extravagant. Mother's Day and Father's Day, similar to birthdays. Our families diverged at Hanukkah. They gave a token gift each night. My family arranged for each person to have one substantial gift, though less costly than a birthday. The intent was less the gift but some thought into what the recipient enjoyed.
I first earned my own money when I began my internship, with marriage the following month. I had a surviving father, one brother and one sister. Father got something for birthday, Hanukkah, and Father's Day. Sibs just Hanukkah. My wife handled her household similarly, but each person got something for their birthday. When just my wife and me, we exchanged a token gift with each candle.
Boston made shopping fun. We set strict holiday limits. No single item over $3 for anyone. Mass Ave in Cambridge, where we lived, had small specialty shops lining most of its path from Harvard to MIT. Trinkets, glassware, kitchen gadgets, reduced price books. My car would get me to Caldor and Zayre. The T would bring me to downtown Boston which boasted the largest, most diverse Woolworth's in America. Mugs and other items with people's names, including some less common ones. Filene's Basement. Very large bookstores. And during my stay there, my hospital employer offered a floating holiday for each employee to have a shopping day off. All I needed to do was arrange coverage from a colleague, much like a sick day. During my stay there, Massachusetts suspended its mandated Sunday store closures between Thanksgiving and Christmas. My chance to wander around Boston thinking of other people. Since much had to be wrapped and shipped, with few options other than the Post Office, the gifts needed to be obtained in advance of the holidays, with Hanukkah usually preceding Christmas by about two weeks.
Over forty years, families evolve. We settled in a permanent home. My father remarried. My siblings disconnected enough from us to get dropped from the gift list, but not before several items went unshipped over a few consecutive years. I added two children, now grown and independent. Inflation and prosperity relaxed the spending limit, though still nominal Hanukkah limits. Stores stay open seven days weekly as a routine.
The retail landscape has also changed. There is no Woolworths, Caldor, Zayre, K-Mart. Even near Harvard Square, when I have rare occasions to visit, the boutiques have been taken over by familiar chains. Those small shops with unique stuff of nominal cost survive mainly in regional Farmer's Markets or Outlets. And an offshoot of prosperity is the accumulation of stuff. Birthdays have shifted from tangibles to experiences.
My current challenge is to identify four things for my daughter who lives on the opposite coast, four each for my son and daughter-in-law who live within driving distance but still require shipping, with my wife also selecting four for each of them. For my wife, her Birthday and eight small items to accompany the nightly candles.
Still, the goal has not changed. Each recipient has a personality. Each recipient has interests. Little indulgences for my daughter. Sports for my son. Cats for my wife and daughter-in-law. The shopping, or at least gift consideration, has no season. When I visit museums, parks, even foreign countries, I keep my eye out for gift shops and souvenirs, as they are not likely to visit the same place. Edibles are often regional and inexpensive. I insist that they be Kosher. Many of the specialty candies and syrups and hot sauces with extensive shelf presence during the holiday season would be potentially Kosher but the companies that make these seasonal items would not find the expense of Kosher certification cost-effective for limited production goods. Mass market sweets with a Kosher mark on the package still appear on shelves. Every major department store in my area has a small Hanukkah section. My quota of twenty items always gets completed. And then wrapping and shipping, where we bundle my four for each child with my wife's four.
Despite the effort, the traditions, the periodic modifications, despite all this Hanukkah is not our principle Jewish celebration. Passover holds that distinction. Another season of shopping with intent to offer, this time edibles with stringent limitations. But Hanukkah retains its American popularity, partly due to treasured ceremonies, partly due to its place on the secular calendar. A project of its own. One that needs creativity and thinking outward.
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