Monday, January 28, 2019


Been feeling inexplicably down for a few weeks.  Not despondent or hopeless.  Just not motivated, which can be a big impediment if there are no assigned tasks, one of the realities as six months of retirement approaches.  I force myself to do things:   get up at the assigned time, stay awake until the assigned time, read a chapter of the book I am working on each day.  I go out each day, sometimes purposeful like grocery shopping or taking advantage of the $1 coffee promotion at WaWa, sometimes get out for the purpose of getting out to a regional mall to walk around.  I've gotten desperate enough to set time aside for television.  Extracting pleasure from any of this has not gone very well.  Exercise has been on schedule and I feel decent, just with an overwhelming ennui.  Chronic SSRI has tamed my compulsivity.  Not a good time for a drug holiday.  Tasks on my daily list just stay there.  Best option might be to focus on a few things that have a defined end point and see if finishing them adds to an inner satisfaction, if not to pleasure.

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