This was the week I was to coerce myself into my most businesslike, productive persona. Quite a number of rest days, too many, not at all spontaneous but did enough to check off from lists what I had done. And I'm still doing that today. What seems missing has been any pleasure from the things I force myself to do. My energy is adequate. I don't feel sad. Nobody has been pestering me. The intrinsic reward for accomplishing something worthwhile just seems elusive.
Change behavior often leads to changed outlook. We saw that with civil rights where forcing people to allow minorities in restaurants and hotels became the norm even if unpopular or allowing women to vote became the norm. Maybe I just need to take on some of my big projects and the joy of doing them might return.
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