Feeble

It's been several cycles since I watched a Presidential debate.  The first of 2024 found its way to my Daily Task List.  I know who will get my vote based on my vision, my sense of what America has stood for at its best, who elevates that and who jeopardizes that.  No preference issue for me at all.  We are all familiar with the options, a decent but doddering man against another more blustery type who did his best to convince us that he will execute the evil necessary to keep the world safe on our behalf.  One frail, the other dependent on misrepresentation reinforced with bluster.  One highly dependent on counsel of wise advisors, the other who takes pride in who he fired.  One looking for consensus, the other identifying vulnerabilities to exploit.  While I look at the two candidates, knowing I must select one, I find myself relating this very binary choice to what I either am like, or wish I were like.

Without getting into a discussion of whether my assets are Gifts from God or whether generated by my own efforts or by my own good fortune, they remain my personal strengths.  Evidence suggests I am smart, respectfully challenging, and inquisitive.  Those were gifts, or inheritances of some type.  I can see though bluster, challenge the dubious as it arises, figure out when I am being Rafshooned, as one of the debaters set as the basis of his presentation.  I self-assess as kind, or at least value kindness even when I fall short.  Deciding when an aim is important enough to engage in a modicum of cruelty has challenged thinkers for millennia.  Hamas seems to think achieving their agenda justifies what they do to bring it about.  So did many more benevolent leaders through history.  Sometimes somebody has to do the things others are unwilling to do.  I do not think separating families at America's Southern Border is one of these things.  Telling people who had pinned their hopes on resettling in America that there are other people ahead of them in line might be.  

One candidate proudly flaunted how many people he had fired for not being up to the task.  The other failed to challenge him on his flawed judgment making so many inept appointments.  We also have a Peter Principle where people get appointed and then promoted until they can no longer function at their assigned level.  Then they stay there.  As the current President essentially laid an egg, in Hollywood lingo, he may be America's most glaring example of what Prof. Peter tried to convey.  He did not seem up to the task, yet having somebody else more capable take over comes with an element of risk, not the least being that the one who follows will be less capable.

There aren't a lot of options.  Maybe revoke the Drivers License from one who shouldn't have it, whether by frailty of one candidate or recklessness of the other.

Faced with no very good options, I default to what has been my core.  Do things that make sense.  Be a trustworthy, honorable person. Seek kindness.  The two men on the screen last night are not equal on these.  There is some safety net to frailty for sure.  However, there exists no an anti-dote to authority with distorted reasoning or character.  I'll cast America's lot with feeble and its safety nets.

Half-Year Concludes

My life, or at least accomplishment focus, runs in six-month cycles.  I plan each half year in December and June, then proceed.  As this cycle reaches its closing days, some reckoning on how I did and what contributed to the inevitable shortfalls has come due.

Closets:  I had wanted to get my storage options more functional.  While I could pay to have a closet fully remodeled professionally, the expense is not worth it for my closing years in my house, to say nothing of my wife's likely objections to the disruption this would entail.  I regret not doing this maybe fifteen years ago.  Instead, I selected a few closets to organize.  I did OK.  My half of my bedroom closet has usable floor space, cleared upper shelves, and removal of clothing that no longer fits.  The three closets in the main bathroom have better utility.  And the two in My Space, while not complete, now accommodate what once defaulted to the floor.  Not a bad outcome for six months of mostly casual effort.

My Space:  This one I had hoped to complete in its entirety, but I did not really give a full effort until done.  There are usable zones.  Loose items have been boxed.  The corner desk has been made functional.  Books under my control have been designated for donation, though not yet brought to their next destination outside my house.  Not a bad result, and done without the help of a professional organizer.

Write Novel Draft: Began with optimism, closed with failure.  I started by searching the web for how to do this, but got absorbed in the technicalities.  I do not have an outline.  I still would like to write a book in my lifetime but find myself more disheartened than I expected to be.  I have a story that should be told, as all people probably do.  Telling mine should be a primary focus of my effort.  Learning how to do that effectively needs some investment of time, commitment, and perhaps money.

Read Three Books:  My most easily filled initiatives.  One must be traditional, e-book, audiobook.  One must be fiction, non-fiction, Jewish theme.  What I found, though, was an unusually high number of started but incomplete reading.  My willingness to abandon what I started may or may not be a good thing.  I like to have Grit, but plodding through what is not worth completing has some very big downsides.

Visit Three New Places:  Did this and then some, though not entirely with intent.  Went on a short vacation to a new town, toured a museum that I've wanted to explore.  I also found myself at two places locally that I had never entered despite living in my home for forty years.  My branch library closed for repairs, diverting me to a different one.  Nice place but smaller.  Also got invited to a reception at a college whose gates I had only passed but whose grounds and buildings I had never entered.  Neither was particularly memorable, as the new town and the museum were, but they were new to me.

Submit Three Articles:  Past rejections took their toll.  I wrote quite a few pieces, all articulate, all likely to be declined, either because the writing wasn't good enough or the publication was not the right destination for what I created.  In either case, I wanted to approach this project in a more rational way and took some steps to do that.  Yet I remained primarily timid, avoiding the anticipation of rejection and the reduction in self-esteem that it brings.  Be Bold appears on my Daily Task List.  Often I am with people or organizations that I've established some element of rapport.  Not Bold with strangers.

Three New Experiences:  It had been my intent to purchase new experiences.  White water rafting perhaps, maybe deep sea fishing.  Drive cross-country.  Have my hair done by a stylist, though I have had that at low level in the past.  Or after years of unsuccessful fishing, maybe catch a fish.  Or play a round of golf.  Instead, I acquired the experiences but backed into each.  My temporary headquarters library wanted me to pick up a reserved book from their drive-up window.  I had never done that before.  I went to a funeral where the surviving spouse arranged for an open casket ceremony.  I won a raffle.  None intended.

Three Guests in My Home:  I hosted three Shabbos dinners as intended.  All synagogue people.  Unfortunately, I also hosted a Shiva house, also synagogue people.

Join Two Organizations:  One came my way, sort of.  The other came from my responsiveness to an inquiry.  I had become vocal about some of the questionable deeds of Congregational Influencers, including a detailed conversation with the new Rabbi on targeted exclusions of people, with some side comments on what I regard as basic laziness.  I've been among those snubbed, though only selectively.  This fiscal year, they offered me a two-year term on their Board, which I accepted.  My other attachment has been the Osher Institute.  They broadcast to their enrollees a list of committees.  I filled out my three preferences, got three responses, two invitations, and selected the most suitable.

Evenings with Wife:  Recapturing, or really sustaining, courtship and early marriage with my wife has challenged me for sure, and likely her.  Since retiring, I retreat to My Space while she watches movies and MSNBC attacks on a former President who deserves many of those attacks.  While our interests diverge, our mutual affection has not.  Yet we are in the same room too infrequently.  I resolved to set aside two evenings a week to be adjacent to each other, touching each other.  I did OK.  Not perfect.  Room for better consistency.  This one's important.  This one's harder than it looks.

Manage IRA Withdrawals:  Hiring a financial advisor about a dozen years back turned out to be a wise decision.  With the help of a new high paying job which I held for the closing eight years of my career, my savings have grown immensely.  I've not touched them since retiring.  Social security for myself and my wife along with her corporate pension annuity provides us more income than we can realistically spend.  American tax law, however, allows us to to grow our income, though not forever.  This year I must begin withdrawing the minimum mandated amounts from my two tax deferred accounts.  It was my intent not to do the withdrawals until the second half of the calendar year but to decide on the process.  As a federal employee early in my career, I accumulated a small account.  By contacting the agency, I was told it could be tapped passively though it is in my interest to request the requisite withdrawal to avoid having them withhold 10% and reconciling with the IRS a year later.  My private account is managed by the financial advisor.  It comes in two components.  One is a list of charitable contributions I want him to disburse to the various tax-exempt agencies.  I do not have to pay personal tax on those withdrawals.  The rest goes to my account.  I have been keeping up with recording my charitable contributions on an Excel Spreadsheet each month, so compiling a list should not be that difficult.  Then after Thanksgiving the rest goes to my joint account, less what Uncle Sam the Croupier skims off the top.

Health Targets:  I did not reach my weight and waist goals.  I did achieve a BP within accepted medical targets.  Due to side effects of rosuvastatin, my PM cholesterol lowering therapy was amended to atorvastatin.  My cholesterol has not yet been measured.  I am waiting until the proximity of my next doctor's assessment, so I do not know if my lipid target has been achieved.  Despite not reaching the data wish list, I have done an admirable job with scheduled exercise, some favorably revised dietary habits, and good adherence to medications as well as medical appointments.  SMART goal as a Process, done.  SMART goal as Performance fell short in some ways, which is why process is often recommended by planning experts.

So mostly I did well this cycle.  Room for improvement as the next cycle approaches.  Some of the initiatives will be extended an additional six months.  Others are better replaced by new challenges.

Judging Distances

Driving to Tennessee at the end of the summer.  Really part of more varied vacation options.  I am so ready for a vacation with hotels, sights to see, and recreation.  Only places I've not been to before considered.  And spousal consent and cooperation essential.  I came up with three options.  She selected Tennessee, a mixture of musical Nashville with my fondness for National Parks and Jack Daniel's.

Sometimes the final outcome lies subordinate to the process of getting there.  My also-rans included The Badlands and Canada's Maritime Provinces.  Transportation needs to each place, particularly driving obligations, determined the final selection. 

South Dakota has no big cities.  It will take a plane to get to one.  I found it gratifying to discover that flights from my home airport to major hubs have very economical fares.  Flights to places not in a hub, whether Rapid City near Mt. Rushmore or Halifax, Nova Scotia, come with a significant markup for convenience.  Long obsolete are the days, and pleasures, of road trip planning with AAA TripTiks.  Anyone with a search engine can find optimal and scenic routes in minutes.

Badlands National Park sits roughly equidistant between Minneapolis and Denver Airports but Mt. Rushmore is far closer to Denver.  And there are two reasonable routes from Denver to South Dakota, either north through Wyoming or an eastern path through the Nebraska panhandle.  The Nebraska route takes less than five hours, the Wyoming route a bit more but offers Devils Tower and a few other unique places en route, while western Nebraska largely traverses ranching land.  Five or six hours doesn't sound like much, considering my concept of where Denver and Minneapolis are generates a much different mental image from where The Badlands are.  Six hours of driving will get me from my home to Boston.  It will allow me to drive significantly beyond Pittsburgh or heading north to about the Thousand Islands Bridge into Canada.  I've done all these, never regretting the effort.  I could go from Denver to Mt. Rushmore easily, one route in each direction, with an extension eastward to the National Park.  Minneapolis to the National Park takes slightly longer, maybe the equivalent drive from home to Ottawa, but returning to Minneapolis from Mt. Rushmore would entail some more serious driving.  Or I could have gone from Denver to South Dakota to Minnesota, but there seems a lot more to see between Denver and Wyoming than in eastern South Dakota and western Minnesota.  It is not just a matter of distance or car time but what opportunities arise to package the tedium of hours on an interstate.

Canada posed more of a challenge to my concept of distance.  I've driven to Niagara Falls, Toronto and Ottawa from my home, each taking most of a day.  I've not driven to Montreal, which seems closer than Ottawa, but really takes an additional hour to drive there.  Getting to Halifax takes about fifteen hours, two days of driving.  My longest personal route has been to St. Louis where I once lived.  Home to Halifax adds two hours to that.  No way am I going to drive that.  Even Boston to Halifax leaves ten hours of driving, still far more than any of my previous driving vacations to Ontario.  And there is a ferry.  Quite a lot of driving to get to Maine, enormous expense, still nearly four hours on the ferry each way.  This is not realistic.  As much as I've fancied every visit I've made to Canada, whether Ontario, Montreal, or Vancouver, Nova Scotia just isn't my best option this summer.  No more than I would be willing to drive a round trip to my old home in St. Louis in one week.

That leaves us with the chosen option, Nashville and Great Smokies National Park, with a few detours to the Biltmore Mansion and other nearby attractions.  It does not require a plane but the drive will span two days in each direction.  Maps estimate twelve hours of driving to Nashville.  The return trip gets fragmented.  Four hours to the park, another two en route home to Asheville, then an additional nine hours home.  Where is Nashville?  It's within five hours of either Atlanta or St. Louis, about an hour and a half from Mammoth Cave.  Yet my mind registers those distances much differently.  St. Louis to Kansas City, a common trip by classmates during my time there is similar, yet one is in-state and the other more foreign in concept.    I have driven from home to Mammoth Cave, which is about the same highway distance as Nashville.  I have driven to Charleston and to Hilton Head.  Each of these lie just a tad closer than Nashville.  Both required an overnight motel stay in each direction.  Figure I can handle about seven hours driving, or roughly home to Niagara Falls, Portland ME, or Columbus OH in different directions.  My sense of distance is not how many miles, but how much time I need to devote the full measure of my attention to traffic safety.  The GPS and online driving calculators correct many of my own misconceptions.  My reasonable ability to cover maybe eight daily hours on the road safely has not changed in a significant way in fifty years of periodic long distance driving.

I've never been to Tennessee.  Much unique experience awaits.  Getting there and back has come into some perspective when compared to other experiences.  My concept of what lies in proximity to what else is often faulty, though now corrected by retrievable information.  Long drive, but worthy destinations and no doubt a few wineries to sample without much diversion from the planned route.

Day Trips

Took my first of six intended summer day trips.  An easy one, to a museum near Independence Hall.  The Weitzman Museum of American Jewish History offered an extraordinary display, one more than worthy of subsequent visits, which allow more attention to detail.  The summer travel also should include two trips to the beach, one intended next week, and two to NYC by cheap bus from Philadelphia or NJ Transit from Trenton.

This visit offered a learning curve for some of the future outings.  My age allows me a SEPTA Senior Pass, which enables mostly unlimited public transit in the Philadelphia region.  My home is a ten minute drive from the train station.  I did not know about suspension of parking fees until I had already deposited four quarters in the slot with my parking space number.  I had ridden the train multiple times before, never really accomplishing useful work on it.  Instead, the picture windows lure me to a variety of vistas, mostly shabby towns just north or where I get on, more attractive suburban housing in the middle, followed by parts of Philadelphia that could use major cleanup, and ending with the glory of gleaming high rises as central Philadelphia approaches.  I depart at the last stop.  My destination being a little farther than I wanted to walk, and wanting to check out the bus area where I might catch the transportation to NYC, I entered the subway.

I would need to know how long it took from departing the SEPTA train to arriving at the bus station, including waiting for subway.  Getting a subway train in the direction I wanted to go required me to use an overpass.  It took longer for the car to arrive than I expected.  In addition, the one I boarded did not stop at the Spring Garden Station where the buses congregate, so I really do not know how long it would take to get the train that does.  Nor do I have a sense of the safety around that station.  So really cheap bus to NYC may not be the best option.  I got off near my museum destination, which lies a mere block from the subway stop.

Big mistake, not eating breakfast or seeking lunch before entering the museum.  Despite the display's attractiveness, I felt hungry while touring the exhibit.  Because of this, I left an hour earlier than planned, prompted by a need to find some lunch.  I knew Philadelphia's Reading Terminal Market, one of America's grandest food courts, was near the SEPTA station.  I opted to walk in that direction, though really intended to pick up a sandwich a little closer to the museum.  Despite this being the top tourist district of Philadelphia, there were no food trucks like I found parked in a line outside Washington's Smithsonian.  Kosher Deli would be a great treat.  Kosher near me search on my smartphone located it a bit farther than I wanted to go, even by bus, also included with my SEPTA Senior Pass.  I headed back to Center City.  To my surprise, there were very few sandwich places along the six blocks I walked.  Not wanting to go to the Reading Terminal Market, I entered a small bagel place, bought a sandwich that charged more than I expected from the display price, but had a satisfying late lunch followed by a very disappointing donut from one of the city's iconic donut chains.  Then back to SEPTA and home by late afternoon.  Between departure from home and return, I had devoted some six hours, accomplishing little other than visiting my museum destination.

Moreover, once I got home, I felt too exhausted to pursue my Daily Task List.  Treadmill done before I left home.  But household chores, writing, planning, rehearsing an upcoming talk all required more focus than I felt able to provide.  That day trip, two hours in a terrific museum, had basically superseded anything else I might have done that day.  Going to NYC would be more so, though the two hours on the very comfortable motor coach with access to electronics would permit some useful activity en route in each direction.  Still, the reality of the clock is that it will be difficult to arrive in Manhattan before 1PM using my free or discounted public transit, and I would also have to head back.  So maybe four or five hours in NYC and even more time getting there and back.  I may not want to do this a second time if the first trip proves problematic.  To be sure, I will be doing little else of value that day.

I could make the same comment about the beach, though it is offset by other pleasures.  I like driving downstate, even more so when I have my wife with me.  We can leave early, get a hoagie made someplace along the way to eat either at a picnic table or on the sand.  At the end, we can stop somewhere, often for an early dinner.  So it is a real outing.  What I don't get to do are the things that occupy nearly all of my Daily Task Lists.  Still, there is much to support a day dedicated to being with my wife.  The pursuit of my Semi-Annual projects just won't happen that day.

Checking My Stats

My morning screen sequence begins with a What's New.  Emails first, then FB, blog next, Twitter, Reddit, and Medium Daily Digest.  Who responded to me, or at least acknowledged me? My Stats. As we become accustomed to our place in the social media sphere, most of the Stats have considerable predictability.  Emails largely automated from people wanting their desired share of my money.  Rarely a message directed to me from somebody that I know.  FB will have about three notifications with its red bell, the vast majority Likes of something I had posted or shared.  Twitter I can expect zero.  Reddit does not send me its Lpikes routinely, only when I reach milestones.  Occasionally I will get a notice of somebody who responded to me transferred to my email.  Medium Daily Digest can generate about Ten Views and Four Reads in a typical month.  So for the most part, I present and nobody interacts., 

The little I read on Twitter, a site severely rationed and often put on hiatus for days to weeks at a time, comes from posters with serious followings, Somebody's of name if not facial recognition generated from a position external to Twitter.  While there are now Social Media Influencers with FB and Twitter or TikTok as their entry to fame, I do not know who they are.  I do know who got elected to office, or ran but failed to received a majority vote, who wrote a book, who starred in a movie or TV show, and who has a column in a national periodical.  Those are the people whose stats calculate far in excess of mine.

It is easy to get lured into the false impression that Social Media provides mass entry into the public forum.  True, one can express a thought without having an editor select which of many are worthy of his readers.  But the selectivity of the editor greatly augments the number of readers.  There is something a little degenerate about my few dozen Twitter followers who follow 4000 other Nobody's but only have 40 people following them.

Perhaps the real benefit, maybe even the purpose, is to overwhelm the screens with whatever people may think with no expectation of readership, or even the false illusion of readership.  It reinforces what my teachers tried to convey from the earliest grades, think a problem through, express it with vivid wording, and you will be able to think any problem through.  The beneficiary is the writer, not the reader.  Or a variant of that from my best Rabbi's, you do and say honorable things not for people of the public to admire you but for you to admire you.

So my public impact remains one notch beneath paltry.  My ability to take an idea and run with it is still at a level my teachers hoped it would be, even in the absence of serious interaction.

Hibachi Failed

Father's Day with its snafus.  First, I got the week wrong.  It had been my intention to make a corned beef which takes about a week.  Two days to defrost the brisket, five days with Morton Tender Quick, then a few hours of boiling.  Thought I was on target, only to look at the calendar which listed Father's Day the Sunday before I had expected.  So I headed to Trader Joe's for some good Kosher ground beef.  I could make hamburgers on the restored hibachi.

I had purchased this when my children were school-age.  Must have cost about $15.  A few years ago I thought about buying one from Amazon, as mine was long lost.  Price, about $80.  Rarely used, not worth it.  However, on cleaning my basement about two years ago it reappeared.  I cleaned it.  Good as new.  Many opportunities to grill something passed me by.  The hibachi sat under a table in the dining room for maybe two seasons.  Now some hamburger in hand, hot day just prior to the summer solstice, and a special occasion.  I took it out.  

In my garage, I had a package of unopened charcoal.  Not the briquettes, but real assorted pieces of charcoal logs.  Never opened.  In the basement, I had a package of briquettes, similarly unopened.  I opted for the good stuff, as much for its proximity as its superiority.  I assembled the hibachi, placing a layer of assorted charcoal pieces atop the lower grid.  The charcoal package gave three options for igniting it.  I did not have a flue style starter, nor did I have lighting fluid.  That left me with the easy choice, twisting some newspaper, placing it on the cast iron base of the grill, igniting it, then put the lower grid atop the newspapers and restore the charcoal above that.  Easy enough.

Commercial progress blindsided me.  Apparently, newsprint has changed.  It must be chemically treated differently than it once was.  Using a Bic lighter, I could singe the edges, but there must now be some fire retardant put into the manufacturing process.  Those twisted logs of newspaper never created the raging flame that newsprint on fire once did.  The charcoal never acquired part of the flame.  I gave up, though between Father's Day and Fourth of July I can purchase a container of charcoal starter fluid.  And maybe use my more spacious fleishig grill and briquets to give barbecue a second go.

Ground beef patties created with an egg, some Panko crumbs, and seasonings, then cooked in a skillet.  Trader Joe's Kosher beef is the best, a sensory step ahead of what Shop-Rite Kosher Meat department carries.  It was good.  Just not charcoal grilled.

I will need to scrub the hibachi once more, dry the cast iron to avoid rust, then plan its Second Act more carefully.

Assigning Scores

For several years I have served on a committee that selects scholarship recipients.  A local community foundation administers philanthropic endowments of all types. Some donor largesse seeks worthy high school seniors and later students pursuing professional degrees to defray their university expenses.  Most awards barely nudge the astronomical tuition of private colleges or medical schools but would probably cover books or allow a graduate student to maintain a car.  Each season, the Foundation assigns me about twenty-five applications to review.  This brings me to the intersection of efficiency and effectiveness.

Applications have a standardized format.  Biographical information.  Classroom grades, Test Scores.  An open-ended activity statement.  One recommendation.  An essay whose topic changes each year.  The reviewer assigns a grade to each section, usually a 4 or 5.  The computer scores the composite, which the committee largely skims the top scores for the awards.  No unworthy person has ever gotten an award.  Unfortunately, some very worthy people, in fact many who would be at the top of my list to receive a grant, get swept away by a B or two on the transcript or the inexperience of the mentor who submitted the recommendation.  Having done hiring, skimming the top data does not segregate the people you would be most eager to bring aboard.  There is something not quite just about penalizing somebody who challenged himself with a course or two outside their strengths but fell short in the process.  The most successful people all failed at something.  That should reflect growth, not disqualification.

The applications in some ways expose larger problems with America's educational processes.  Several prestige universities suspended their SAT/ACT application mandates.  Most restored them when they found that kids who did not submit them underperformed in the classroom once on campus.  The applications I review are replete with disparities between grades and tests.  Some high schoolers take six AP Courses but don't score above a mediocre 3 on any of them, which suggests that either their enrollment in that class was premature or they were really not ready for college's academic rigor.  Yet in all six, their class grade was A.  People with stellar classroom scores have marginal SATs.  Even medical students already accepted with no B appearing on their transcript had mediocre MCATs.  There are certainly reasons why some students underperform relative to their abilities on timed high stakes testing, but the extent of this disparity really makes me wonder less whether the tests are right but the classroom assessment of performance is faulty.

I think final decisions on who gets money should basically abandon the algorithms, no matter how expedient.  Accept some realities like grades are inflated, though not universally inflated, so accepting at face value does not always isolate the best talent.  A better way to do this would be to have a threshold that keeps people in a pool to go on to the next step.  There is something amiss about penalizing somebody for challenging themselves or rewarding somebody for somebody else's leniency.  Dealing with mismatched grades and testing is much harder but university admissions committees have created their own methods for two generations.

Recommendations have gotten too automated.  I think they would be better evaluated as part of the application package by scoring them as subset scores instead of the current gestalt composite that really does not separate the candidates very well.  Perhaps separate scores for relation of person to applicant, or at least degree of familiarity, detail of specific activities to support the endorsement, difficulties or challenges that the applicant managed irrespective of success, evidence of tenacity, evidence of relations the applicant was able to form.  Replace a composite score with a scoresheet.

The one part I would leave relatively unchanged is the essay, but again scored by subsets.  Caliber of writing, creativity dealing with the assigned topic, specific illustrations.

And finally an interview with two or three committee members, the same number that currently score each individual's application, though not the individuals doing the written scoring.  A chance to assess understanding, explain mismatches of grade and test performance, find out what motivates the person.  Certainly the people in professional school programs have already acquired experience with this, though the high school seniors may not.

Reviewing the applications from medical students for several years, differentiation was difficult.  They all went to but a few schools for college and medicine, all had the same grades, all had a recommendation by somebody experienced at writing them.  Those are screenings.  We would do better having an assessment of the person, as each person is different, even if their paper credentials are not.