Post-Pesach

A few demarcation points passed.  Pesach, birthday, hopefully self-limited respiratory illness, taxes filed.  Dishes away, kitchen not fully restored to function.

I feel a little tired, maybe even notably despondent a few days, though not in a disabling way.  Pesach begins Omer.  For some reason I remain committed to the daily count, maybe to convince myself that I can do it, though maybe to focus myself of spring which generates its own post-Pesach initiatives.  My garden is no longer part of my semi-annual projects, nor is monthly financial review or date generated donations, though they continue.  It's the week that determines the vegetables and herbs I would like to have later.  Each of the last few springs I review scholarship applications for the Delaware Community Foundation.  It helps them and it engages me.  I have a Torah Talk to present, maybe the only meaningful invitation I will get from my own congregation this year.

Warmer weather shifts my wardrobe to lighter clothing with more exposed limbs.  An exchange needs to be done.  I've not been fishing at the better but more distant state ponds, since losing one of my rods on their pier.  That needs revival this spring, though not likely this week.

This semi-annual cycle has about ten weeks remaining.  Have done mostly better than other cycles with some focus needed for the languishing ones.  And for the first time in a while, I think my focus has been better. 

Disposition Upturn

As I begin my endoscopy prep and anticipate Pesach, I've also noted a small upturn in my disposition, perhaps my demeanor as well.  I feel more connected, loneliness periodically interrupted with decent conversation.  Upcoming medical care guarantees some interaction, competing I think with the few minutes of anesthesia for the highlight of that day.  A few days after, I have my first annual meeting with the Delaware Community Foundation to review scholarships that they manage.  Synagogue, my common irritant, can go on hiatus.

As much as I like OLLI, I also take advantage of each semester's intercession, usually travelling somewhere.  I think I'll go fishing on the Cape Henlopen Pier unless the weather makes that ill-advised.  Beyond that, I have some 50th Anniversary college activities, then a few days on the West Coast.

My physical health seems on the upswing as well.  Arthritic symptoms not burdensome.  I miss very few treadmill sessions, with the duration and intensity mostly advancing with a few health related retreats.  I've incorporated an 8-minute daily stretching routine, following on my big screen in My Space at a reasonably set time every afternoon.  I don't feel more flexible, but keeping up with the schedule makes me feel a tad more accomplished.

Self-expression has not gone as well, at least in the public sphere, but I am starting to get more specific about dedicated sessions to pursue fragments of those Semiannual Goals that I set at the close of the last calendar year. 

So feeling more the way I'd like to feel.  7 Habits Physical, Emotional, Social spheres all better, Mental lagging behind slightly but remediable.

Can I Get it Done?

Things languish incomplete.  Having a finite end point helps, the S in SMART goals.  And for the most part I do.  Carving big projects into sequential steps may require thinking skills that I lack.  And then timing the sequential activities so that each has an end point often seems elusive.

Converting My Space into My Best Space can get done.  I created zones.  Probably should do the biggest zone first, that's the back area.  Then the most important, that's my desk.

My desire to write a book inches to plans to write a book, then advances to scattered writing with a timer.  What I need there is a plot to write about, not neglected but not settled, and dedicated times to do nothing else but write, another partially successful intervention.  What I need there is a barrier to what else I could be doing instead.  

My desire to create three articles for submission, one down, takes a similar pattern.  There's the writing, which I do, then the submission where I'm too timid or unaware of best destinations.  Maybe I need a coach, or maybe I need to play lottery and just send stuff already written.  Just Do It and learn later may have a place here.

I also have initiatives that I fully accomplish.  I've read my assigned selection of books ten weeks into the half-year with proper distributions of traditional, e-book, and audiobook along with the distribution of fiction, non-fiction, Jewish theme.  Getting to my kids takes a mixture of planning and real travel, all ready to pursue.

Somewhere along the way, since each half-year's initiatives have similar themes, are the psychological underpinnings of the selections, something I may not have been entirely candid with myself exploring.  Some is the challenge of doing the project.  Some are better relations with people.  Some is probably as much a quest for missing recognition as it is for the satisfaction of the achievement. That may be a better motivator, to be looked at as somebody worth looking at.  To be a formidable, capable person.

Now in the middle third of the semi-annual cycle.  Direct attention to My Space and my public expressions.

Did Instead

It was a session I did not want to attend.  From a highly manipulated Rabbi search, a choice emerged from the Influencers who needed a rubber stamp.  Trust suffered in the process.  Respect on my part suffered from this and other synagogue situations as well.  I did not want to be part of this meeting.

In its place I allocated the time to proceed with a project that really will bring me pride.  I set a semiannual initiative of making My Space the optimal person environment.  To work on it appears on my Daily Task List but outlining what actually needs to be done to make it a reality has never gotten its completion checkmark.  In lieu of the meeting, I resolved to sit in my desk chair, one of the favorite places I always like to be, with a clipboard and blank loose leaf paper.  I turned on all the lights for maximum illumination.  Then in red pen, I noted 26 separate zones of My Space that I could tackle one at a time.  Completely actionable.  I transferred the list to my computer, but kept the handwritten one on the desk for now.  Ready to achieve this by the end of my anticipated half year.

And it took less time to do this than allotted.  So, I resolved to complete an article I had started.  Done and submitted.

While these very specific accomplishments brought satisfaction, they really occurred as an escape from resentment.  That needs to be addressed as well.  My Be Bold project for the coming week.

Doing the Difficult

Despite no shortage of professional advice on accomplishing what I set out to do, my track record on taking items from my daily task list from its morning coffee review to a cross-off after supper when I create the next day's list never quite reflects a maximum effort.  Some things seem to have priority.  I take my medicine each day, an easy project, exercise on scheduled days, something that I don't especially like doing, and measure my weight and waist each Monday morning.  So my health seems to have my commitment.  So do things with deadlines or schedules.  Always go to my OLLI courses, nearly always do my two NEJM articles the week when that journal issue is the current one, send my monthly Medscape manuscript to the editor on time, read most of my library books by the return date, review the weekly Torah portion either on Thursday or Friday each week.

Some of my mental activity has not received the same personal commitment.  Nor has my effort to make my house the sanctuary I would like it to be, let alone attractive for sale when the not too distant years leave me unable to continue living there.  Perhaps a deadline system would be better.  Or maybe the daily task list should not have all the things I could do, but the one or two each day that I will focus on doing.  Or perhaps I really don't want to do serious writing or home maintenance but deceive myself into thinking I do.  Whichever, some reframing of intent and measurement of performance needs to be incorporated.  I assert that it starts now.

Inviting Guests

Houses have multiple purposes.  Shelter primarily.  Creating a home.  Allowing for passive financial growth.  Establishing communal roots though retaining privacy simultaneously.  Having a place to share but also a place where you are in charge.  All of these and more.

We moved in forty years ago.  At first we had aspirations of being gracious hosts, raising a family, functioning as squires of a limited estate, returning from work to a night of relaxation.  Most of this happened, at least the important parts.  Elegance that whizzed through our mind as we signed the various closure forms did not happen.  Sharing what we have underperformed.

Now as empty nesters, we have far more floor space than we utilize.  Accommodating aging parents did not happen.  With good fortune, our children remain independent and just the right distance away to renew for themselves what we once did.  Nobody comes in and out now, just us.  We need to expand that.

My semi-annual initiatives for many cycles have included an item for entertaining guests, three per half year.  It gets propagated from one cycle to the next, never fulfilled, though I am now committed to making it happen.  Excuses easy to generate, mostly clutter that we want to keep private.  Or the ravages of our cats on the upholstery.  Or paucity of friends.  That's a more difficult one to overcome than clutter.  Living room, dining room, and lower hall now all clear.  Deteriorating sofa replaced.  New curtains with rods appear much more inviting than the draperies that preceded them.  Kitchen fully functional and modernized with an annual bonus I received during my working years.  Still a bit cramped to have one of those help me make dinner evenings but perfectly adequate for meal preparation at the highest level of my skill.  

Now ready to invited people.  Will delegate guest list.

Visiting Chesapeake City

Needed a brief escape, preferably one that fulfilled my Semiannual Goal of three visits to new places in Maryland.  Some impediment by locking myself out of my house for the first time in forty years, but a neighbor found her spare key and off I went.  Some alone time in the car is always welcome.  Scout GPS worked well, taking me to the few turns uneventfully.  The Delaware side seemed amply developed, the Maryland side less so.  While I had intended to tour the C&D Canal Museum, it only opens on weekends.  Crossing the canal explained why.  The town of Chesapeake City MD lives off its marina, with various pleasure craft moored there for its prosperous owners to enjoy time on the water each weekend.  Not many places to eat, some niche boutiques, though far less than what I found on a similar day trip to Frenchtown NJ last year.  Said hello to the shop owners, almost bought something.   Had a simple lunch, then headed home.  Semiannual task can be marked complete.

While in the neighborhood, I had to pass Costco to get home, so this would be a chance to see if they had any cargo pants, the last replacement clothing I still needed to get.  They didn't.  However, to get back to the highway, I had to drive past Cabela's.  Cargo pants are most useful for sports where you need to keep your hands free.  They had something suitable, which I purchased, to be altered next week when I pick up the pants already at the cleaners to be hemmed.  Then my replacement boat shoes should arrive and my upgraded wardrobe for summer will have been completed.

Mostly a Me Day.  I need a few Me Days.

Completed two Books

Among my repetitive semi-annual initiatives have been reading and writing targets.  There are conditions attached to each, such as submission of articles and types of books.  Writing usually gets written, iffy on submission.  Reading always exceeds target, as it does this cycle.  Never complete two on the same day until now, to the best of my recollection, since early grade school when books were short and could be completed at a single sitting.  But yesterday I finished both The Book of Mormon and Shel Silverstein's A Light in the Attic on the same day.  The scripture took months at two chapters a day.  The poems and illustrations took days at ten pages per sitting, or really lying as I read it in bed.

Most Mormons probably have not read the text of their sacred text, even though it is written in most of their native language.  I've been making an effort to pace myself through the sacred Western texts, leaving only Chronicles of the Old Testament unread while completing the New Testament and the Quran in their English translations, four chapters at a time for the NT, two per day for the Quran.  Each took months and my level of recall wouldn't come close to that of a clergyman whose training would interrupt the text to explore established commentary and presumably assignments or exams to assess understanding.

A Light in the Attic comes from the library's juvenile section.  Some arbiters of morality left over from Old Dixie who control school libraries thought this volume should be removed from the shelves, though the poems have probably been read to their own kids at bedtime with some delight.  Why they targeted this children's classic got my attention, so I signed it out and read each of the poems plus an additional twelve added since the original 1981 edition.  One poem references our Darwinian forebears.  Another couple include naked bodies, either washing each other's tushes while crammed in a bathtub or unable to get to the closet to pick out clothing due to a clutter of birthday gifts blocking the path.  Neither prurient and probably something that would make little ones chuckle, as they undoubtedly have for forty years.  A more serious observation, mine though likely not the censors, was the unflattering way aging was described.  Old people were largely stereotyped as impaired geezers who appeared physically in decline, and sometimes emotionally.  The book had a couple of verses dealing with death, sometimes vindictive death.  Unlikely that any child tackling this from their school library would incur lasting mental trauma, though.

I still have a couple more books in progress, but don't think I really want to finish the Old Testament by plowing through the two Books of Chronicles.  Some political reading may be overdue.  I enjoy George Packer's analysis in The Atlantic so took his book The Last Best Hope from the library for admiration of his writing and thinking ability.  And for a second banned work, Art Spiegelman's Maus, another classic that caught the wrath of the Christian Right after being widely read for forty years with mostly admiration.

And then there's my own writing which needs to be more consistent but is greatly enhanced by the breadth and elegance to which I engage in what the masters have assembled.

Changing the Measurement

For a while now, I have been tracking my weight and waist measurements as surrogates of health, achieving progress about a year ago when I altered what I permitted in the grocery cart, then leveling off at the new level.  My weekly list of health related initiatives has become far more comprehensive.

1. Treadmill two days of three
2. Weight measurement weekly
3. Waist measurement weekly
4. Blood Pressure tracking
5. Stretch Daily
6. Upright during waking hours
7. Sleep Hygiene standards daily
8. Take medicines each evening
9. Omit snacks 8PM to 6AM daily

Health and functionality have an overriding importance, one that either enables or undermines all other activities.  As I pass the age of mandatory Social Security payments, stable health has been my good fortune though the arc of advancing years has imposed its presence.  With the New Year, I have shifted my measurement of progress from the scale and tape measure to the settings on the treadmill and the timer.  The first session went well.  An additional two minutes was added to my program, same speed, same cooldown, same tune to hum to pre-occupy me so I don't stare at the timer, which also took a new format. This being the first weight/waist day of the calendar year, there was a slight uptick just beyond the random variability of my scale and tape measure.  Took medicine.  Omitted munchies.  Payed attention to sleep.  BP, stretch, and upright all need more focus.

Not a bad start.

All In

Worn out from travel this summer, all relatively petty travel with three night hotel stays in a single town, two by and with car, one by plane without car, one for recreation, two to visit people.  I think that's enough for a while, at least until I feel a need to exit My Space again.  For now I'm content to do what I can at home.  During the travel, daily planning gets suspended though replaced with a more global view of what to pursue and how to pursue it when I return home.  This semi-annual cycle I've done rather well except in the Frontier category.  Watching some TED Talks on my cell phone while away, it became apparent why.  I have to be All In, 100%, not 98%, to accomplish some of the more difficult projects.  I've not been doing that, maybe for lack of really wanting to proceed, maybe for other reasons.  But I have to give myself that chance of being All In.  New Year, new commitment.

Summer's Demarcation

I'm not quite ready to relinquish my summer.  Ordinarily the close of summer energized me as I looked ahead to a new school year, the fall Holy Days, building a sukkah, college football at least once in the stadium, colorful leaves, and a brisk chill.  It's been arriving earlier.  Schools now open a week or two before Labor Day.  The Holy Days appear this year about as early in the secular calendar as they can.  College football can wait, but the West Chester game remains cheap entertainment if they allow spectators this season, even cheaper if they don't.

Since my semi-annual segment starts in July, summer comprises the first third, a preparation for those performance SMART goals.  I did pretty well with the preparation.  The time to Thanksgiving focuses more on execution, which can be a lot more challenging, but I seem ready.  OLLI commences this week informally, formally next week.  I know how to make a YouTube video, now I have to make three of them to fulfill the goal.  I just began my third book, an audio novel.  My writing could be better.  I've committed to travel, two more minor day excursions and one more grand.  While getting ready to entertain guests by serious housekeeping, I'm ready to invite some.  The Family Room has some plans for completion.

Decent summer.  Ready for a terrific fall, even when it arrives a little early.

My Next Initiatives

With still just over a week to go in the current half year, the interval that I work towards, some reckoning pushed me in a few different directions for the upcoming six months.  Only one of my projects reached completion without prospect for renewal, to be replaced with a more adventurous path.  Some of my projects have proceeded and will proceed along their current trajectory but not be renewed as SMART goals for the upcoming cycle.  And some will just be maintained because they are worth ongoing effort.

All twelve are now articulated, committed to writing, and placed in the pocket of the planning pouch where I keep my lists, paper, and multicolored pens.  I'm eager to start, but not so eager as to begin before the designated July 1 start date.  It's been one of my more accomplished six month cycles. 

Assessing Failures

With roughly six weeks to go in my six month cycle and about half of that before I need to begin sorting the initiatives for the second half of the calendar year, I need to look at what went well, what didn't, some of the things I did in lieu of what I had intended, and the unforeseen.  Hidden on the page opposite the check marks and x's are how I feel about the various outcomes, as the review does not fulfill its potential if fully objective. 

My gardens have taken form.  I have a system for logging expenses each month.  I've done it reasonably on time.  I slacked off on doing the quarterly summary even though I took an OLLI course in Excel which should have taught me how to do this.  I still can.  My social security deposits should begin this month.  Have I made two new friends?  Depends on how you keep score.  I think so, though friends from a distance.  I did not do as well either nurturing friendships that I already have and engaging people in person.  I purchased two Great Courses, watched the one on Photography, even taking out my point and shoot in a more purposeful way.  The second course on electronics has been more of a struggle.  I slog through but probably will not get it done by the end of June.  If I want to really benefit from it, I will need to repeat the session as I would a college course and do the exercises.  Those were the purchased Great Courses, as this initiative went into my PURCHASE category as planning took place at the close of 2020.  I also borrowed two Great Courses, one on writing a novel where my desire to really do this lags, and the other on the Dead Sea Scrolls which I completed by pacing the fourteen half hour lectures over three weeks.  I read more than three books, parceling the categories of what I planned to read.  My weight and waist likely will not have reached target by the six month conclusion.  Despite this, I changed my diet for the better, rarely feel voracious, and with rare exceptions have kept to my treadmill schedule, though the targets of intensity did not fully progress.  I feel mostly better.  And I think I have a few organizational affiliations, though none strong.  I have presented to the Christiana Senior Physicians Group and actively participate in the presentations of others.  Delaware Medical Volunteers got me to sign up but real participation in the absence of liability protection more secure than what I perceive it to be may be a barrier.  And the Jewish Historical Society never developed for me as a participatory organization.  I have obtained a Democrat Committee appointment which I intend to take seriously.

Those have mostly gone well with lapses.  It's the aftermath of failure, its assessments, its upgrades, that generate character.  Despite my rational brain, I remain envious of people who outperform me.  I shouldn't but I do.  And there are a lot of those people.  I also resent being left out, though I do not really have a lot of control over being excluded, just a response, which is usually to divest myself, mostly with an element of resentment.

So now the failures along with how I have coped.  It had been my intent to visit each of my children.  My son relocated in driving range so that might still happen, though my wife really does not share my desire to get away at all.  We won't be going to California, either.  Nor will I get to visit historical mansions, mostly made unavailable due to Covid-19 safety.  From my own emotional perspective, what I really wanted from each of these was less the destination than the journey.  I have been at home, not gone anywhere, opted not to visit the Everglades last fall when I could have as a rational assessment of personal and spousal safety, so I still feel largely vacation deprived.  Moreover, I lack a partner who shares this feeling. If I have a concept of fun, also largely subjugated by Covid, it may be puttering around a place I've not been before.  In St. Louis I drove through neighborhoods.  In Oakland I varied my directions as I walked.  At home, I've driven to Joe's neighborhood where my betters live, this time admiring but not at all resenting their displays of wealth.  If I cannot get to the elegant mansions, which I have sampled virtually, I can still partake of the less familiar, starting with First State National Historical Park and Tally Day Park, each nearby yet neither previously visited.

My biggest failure to come through has been in public expression.  My Medscape submissions go out at the end of each month but only one has been published.  I wanted to write three articles for publication, and almost have, though without a destination for an editor's consideration.  And my book goes in boluses, making me wonder how motivated I really am.  With FB off, my blog entries have gotten more consistent in appearance and maybe a little more elaborate in content.  I really do take advantage of recording what I think, but have not be proactive about sharing my perspectives.  I still have another six weeks to isolate this lapse for better attention.

Great Courses

Or at least pretty good courses.  When I set up my dozen semi-annual initiatives each June and December, I include a category for something I might like to purchase.  I don't really need or even want an RV or a condo in a sunny state to escape the mid-Atlantic winter.  I needed a new mattress a few cycles ago and got one. And expensive travel has to wait until the pandemic no longer jeopardizes the life spans of travelers and those who serve them.  Instead, I set my sights on the more modest, acquiring two Great Courses when they went on sale.

Both sets of DVDs arrived in a corrugated box, each separately shrink wrapped to preserve their authenticity.  I selected two, one on how to become a more capable photographer, the other on a description of the basic components of modern electronics. Photography being more generally applicable, I opened that one first, inserted the first of four discs into Drive E:// and listened to an expert professional photographer who travels worldwide for National Geographic explain the basics of lighting, main subjects and other objects of mixed desirability that get captured in each frame.  I have no intention of investing in equipment beyond what I currently own, unlike the rather intricate professional expensive accoutrements to his cameras, but I can pay more attention to light and the totality of the picture before I snap the shutter.  Or I could do what he seems to do and snap the shutter a lot for each picture, then look at the results and select the one that comes out best.  This is something I can do easily and inexpensively.  Shouldn't take more than a month to complete the course.

Added Waistline

As the second half of the calendar year gets underway, I diverted my health goal from treadmill landmarks, which I achieved, back to anthropometric measurements which have gone nowhere for several years.  Weight and Waist get measured every Monday morning, a lot of the week's progress usually gets entered every Wednesday, along with a statement of how I feel.  In retirement, as a senior citizen, I've been as attentive as I've ever been, taking my prescribed medicine daily, measuring my BP a few times a week, doing the scheduled treadmill session with few lapses, and not consuming any calories from 10PM to 6AM every day.  Three weeks into the program, my weight remains static but my waist increased by one inch, which I should have noted since my pants have fitted less well along the middle, though the belt holes have not changed.  This will have to be accomplished with some more severe diet modifications, though I have not approached snacks in a voracious way since the second half of the year began.

I do most of the grocery shopping and the majority of supper preparation so I have pretty good control.  Breakfast has been inconsistent at best.  My routine is coffee, though when I have gravlax at hand I will make a sandwich with a bagel and cream cheese, so there is a breakfast.  Suppers have been moderate.  Triple Decker Sandwiches have been gone for a while.  Need to attack the snack end, I guess.  Efficient food production and corporate competition keeps the goodies good and economical.  No trip to the supermarket avoids Tastykake if the price is right or cookies or chips or pretzels.  I try to ration but maybe have not been doing as well as I thought.

As coronavirus has expanded indoor time, some ordinary activity such as OLLI, shul, walking a mall, traversing a parking lot to get somewhere, and undoubted a lot of other subtle but additive calorie utilization has also depleted.  It will be hard to recapture that so if I am to get to the physical measurement goals by year's end, the grocery shopping and consumption will need to be modified.  I think I am up to the challenge.