Chol HaMoed

Awkward Pesach Schedule this year.  Th-F-Sa yontif-shabbos, then Su-M-T window for some work, then W-Th yontiff.  Within that window I have to write a presentation that sort of depends on maybe a form of activation energy to get started but once in place it moves ahead.  The initial catalyst has been slow in appearing, but that's the focus of this three day stretch.  And once done, it's done.  Gardening is not appropriate to the Intermediate Days, but keeping what is already planted alive probably is.  So is packing things only used the first two days of yontif, like Seder designated items or my oversized soup pot.  In the middle I have my BD, a yontif event with a Torah reading to do and a sort of festive meal to arrange.

Taxes need signing and delivery of authorization to file returned to our CPA.  And an OLLI schedule selected to be minimally impacted by Pesach, but with superimposed endoscopy, I missed more sessions than anticipated.  But only one scheduled during Chol HaMoed itself, which I should be able to attend.

I've depended on Pesach more than I should to serve as a mood demarcation point.  I have some very tangible things to do like cleaning, changing dishes, challenging meal preparation, some AKSE activities, this year my birthday, sometimes tax filing.  I've not gotten that elevation this year, that inner accomplishment, despite feeling as well physically as I have in a while.  Perhaps I just need a relatively big achievement, starting with my presentation, then expanding to bigger.  

BP Abruptly Elevated

As I go to Review of Systems positive, really not at my best self-assessed well-being but with a doctor's appointment looming, my Blood Pressure has taken a sudden surge upwards.  The first time I assumed it was from missing the medicine the day before, but I've had other omissions with a barely noticeable effect.  Not so with the next two that seem to be setting my BP at a new level despite full compliance.  In anticipation of the doctor's visit, they sent me a lab slip which I will fulfill shortly.  

There are other clues.  I'm achy.  My mood and focus have reversed, which I attribute to my own decision to stop a longstanding SSRI.  I seem to need less sleep.  An ankle injury has only partially recovered but I tolerate the treadmill when my legs can maintain the effort.  While off the treadmill, my legs which I expected to be stronger, ache quite a bit.  And the blood bank turned me down.  

Just have to see what the lab says and then the doctor assesses.

Improved Disposition

After dragging a bit, the past few days I've felt inexplicably well.  My daily pattern seems more stable from the awakening of the wrist alarm to a reasonably predictable treadmill time, to that glass of sherry in late afternoon, pills at 7PM, some TV, and finally bedtime with it's ongoing overnight awakening.  I don't feel nearly as tired.  Nor do I feel driven to do specific tasks but I still get more than average done.  What I would think of as recreation, fishing, drawing, day trips and the like haven't happened but I don't miss them.  Social media has come under the control of a daily spin of Virtual Roulette, settling into the statistical average of about half the time allowed.  Yet even when I am ON, I have much less emotional attachment to FB and don't sign into Twitter at all.  I don't feel either driven, nor do I feel guilty for activity shortfalls, yet I've been productive in a gratifying way.  Nuisance aches have not progressed beyond nuisance.  Completion of a set time and intensity on the treadmill takes effort but offers satisfaction at the conclusion, as well as perhaps some well-being that reflects the regularity of age-appropriate exercise extended over more than a year.

My mood has improved, likely attributable to resuming a citalopram tablet each evening.  I'm less frazzled though still remain resolute when I should be.  And perhaps I'm friendlier and more personable, almost like Peter Kramer's description of treated patients in his Listening to Prozac, now thirty years after publication.  

As I focus more on what I might prioritize for the second half of this calendar year, I have no recollection of past moods during planning months and how they might have affected choices.  This time I seem to be pretty mellow.