Best Deal

My wife and I have a disparity of vacation preferences.  She seems perfectly content at home, willing to go to our kids' homes hours away when somebody else gets her there, and mostly stays inside their places when there.  I have more of a preference to escape to the new, willing to burden myself a bit to do this.  When at the kids, I zip around SF's Muni System, walk the neighborhoods, occasionally book a tour that I go on myself.  At my son's, I walk the blocks near his inner city house and drive around to different places. Hop-on Hop-off buses get a ticket, even though few stops see me exit to explore up close.  I seek the window seat on planes and buses.  New places interest me, even if they are daily stops to those who live there.

Day Trips, typically three, usually occupy my semi-annual agenda, mostly fulfilled by driving somewhere alone or using my free SEPTA Senior Pass to get me to a place I've not visited before.  It's time to get away again, though with a hotel.  Couples time.  The Good Old Summertime.  

My wife and I had our discussion, mostly her setting boundaries.  Our last two multiday road trips did not go well.  Cruises to the Maritimes would fill her need to minimize effort and my need to explore new places.  All filled up by the time we explored cruise options online.  As much as I like National Parks, flights of significant distance followed by a rental car for the multi-hour connection of hub to park fell outside the parameters, before we even get into the park and its requirements for driving and light hiking.

We settled on a three-night excursion within five hours of home.  Electric maps have made that easy.  In five hours, as our distance driving is never shared, I can cover about 250 miles.  Draw a radius from my home address.  I've already visited most of the places inside that circle during my working years.  Only Long Island as a tourist and the Capital Region of NY remain novel.  I looked at both.  Long Island is closer and has more to do.  Generous responders on FB's Visit All 50 States and r/long island of Reddit assured me that a senior couple would have things to do there beyond attending a Bar Mitzvah or funeral within my extended family.  Historical sites, wineries, landscapes, ferries, and gawking at old and new money.  Good for a few days.  For all the antagonisms of social media, sometimes the groups function as communities of helpful people instead of the more typical arena model.

When to go?  I picked dates.  My doctor picked the same dates for a periodic procedure that has gotten a little overdue.  I picked later dates, a time that significantly lowered the hotel prices for the places that seemed most suitable geographically.

Now dates in place, recovery from medical procedure anticipated, alternate dates adjustable by a day or two if hotel rates come down in a different three-night stay, it's time to find a place to stay.  Long Island is the largest island in the continental USA.  It takes hours to drive its length.  It might also take an hour to get past the two boroughs of NYC that comprise its western portion, which I would prefer to avoid this vacation.  I don't want to access beaches, at least not as a swimmer or basker.  Still, the tourism that I seek stretches hours, from the gilded, repurposed mansions at the western and northern extreme to Montauk at the southern and western extreme, would require some driving.  If I stayed in the middle, which seems to be near the island's airport, I would still have an hour to get to the end of the North and South Forks.  Where the forks separate, a town called Riverhead, might serve as a base.  Hotel prices for that convenience come at more of a premium than I am willing to spend.

By now, I've gotten experienced at selecting hotels and airline reservations through online travel sites, though I always check directly with the hotels and carriers to see if they pass some of what they save by avoiding the travel site fee  back to the vacationer.  It usually doesn't.  For accommodations, unless an overnight rest before the next day's flight when a simple bed will do, I have my preferred amenities.  I like the place I choose to have a pool if I am staying more than one day, preferably indoor.  Most hotel stays I enter it.  In warm places, outdoor usually suffices, but I've been to SC in their shoulder season where the outdoor option proved chilly.  Wi-Fi in room has become a must.  For all the legitimate critiques of global connections' downsides, I have learned to ration how I use this, yet still feel deprived without it.  Even on cruises, I purchase a minimal internet package.  For an American hotel, I ask the travel sites to eliminate places that have a surcharge.  I also need parking, whether driving with my own car or a rental.  It's one hassle that I find objectionable.  Within reason, I am willing to pay for assured garage space in a big city, but most of the places I select in recent years occupy enclaves of a few hotels in proximity of a shopping center.  This serves me well.  And exercise on schedule borders as a must.  Most places have small work-out areas with a treadmill whose settings options surpass what I use at home.  Breakfast buffet does not appear on my screens.  They are convenient, usually adequate.  I often prefer to drive to a local breakfast place with a menu, sit there with my wife as we choose eggs or pancakes.  I take the anticipated price of eating at a diner into account.

That still leaves a significant number of options.  Then sort by price.  Mostly, I cannot assess location.  For Long Island, I know that the airport and Brookhaven National Labs are in the middle, Stony Brook where I almost attended school sits in the north, the Hamptons, which I cannot afford lie to the south, and Riverhead where the forks branch is closest to the optimal location.  I'll drive a bit more with my own car for a lower prices.  

My wife deferred the selection to me, after we reviewed the various options together.  I chose one near Brookhaven with the amenities I need and the ability to drive to places tourists to Long Island might like to go.  Best Deal?  Probably not.  This is one of those projects where the perfect undermines the good.  To be sure, I agreed to a surcharge for at-will cancellation.

Living Spaces

My children and their friends live differently from me.  As much as I enjoy going to a big city periodically, and have lived in a few, my upbringing took place in a free standing suburban house designed from an architectural template.  My adult life had its base in an even larger home, ample bedrooms, basement, garage, attic.  And it filled with stuff that will eventurally find its way to some blend of dumpster and estate sale.  A small city sits a few minutes drive, accessed primarily for synagogue and OLLI.  A major city, where I can travel for free with my Senior Transit Pass makes for a periodic but random visit, usually to visit a museum or historical site.  The city has things that my town does not, but not alluring enough to want to be in proximity.  Even in my time in three major cities, my focus always remained school or work, never trendy places to eat.  Even for shopping, when I had a car, I drove to a suburban mall.

My children attended school in NYC and StL.  They settled and now have families in central parts of SF and Pittsburgh.  Their pre-earnings and early career homes were compact apartments, as were mine.  Not a lot of stuff.  Higher incomes, and now children, did not change that much.  Each lives near a main thoroughfare with short walks to places to eat, most inexpensive.  Supermarkets lie a little farther away, but are not the regional megamarts that send me their sales fliers in the mail every Wednesday.  The streets appear neat, though hardly scrupulously clean.  Parking is scarce, driving requires less distance between cars for longer stretches of time than I am used to.

While my son has a town house with ample interior space, very drivable to suburbia, the SF and NY environments of my daughter and her friends require more adaptation.  I've stayed with her and house-sat for friends on both coasts.  Space utilization requires thought.  Two bedrooms, one bathroom.  A recent stay in Brooklyn had me walking up four flights, as it lacked an elevator.  The apartments, carved from houses, all had strategic designs with nooks dedicated to workspace, a wall transformed to an entertainment zone, kitchens dedicated to food preparation and storage, though not always eating.  That takes place in another nook.  A massive dining room table with two leaves and a breakfront in a separate formal room cannot happen.  I stayed at a duplex in NYC with two outdoor patios, each accessible through sliding glass doors and modified as expanded living or entertainment space.  No yards exist, but planters can be placed outside to nurture culinary herbs.

Despite the limited space, by my standards, the people can do most of the things that I do, though without dedicated rooms.  They all have large flat TVs, internet access, cooking, small modern appliances, washer/dryers standing atop each other in a converted closet instead of next to each other in a laundry room.  What they cannot do, that I can, is accumulate stuff and stick it somewhere.  As a result, the smaller living spaces that I visited seem more selective in what they display.  A few pictures.  Strategically placed flowers.  Shelves with books sharing space with knick-knacks.  Area rugs on wooden floors in lieu of wall-to-wall.

Perhaps the biggest difference is where you walk or cycle to.  From my house, a walk usually has an exercise purpose.  In SF or Brooklyn, or even Central West End St. Louis, a walk has a destination, even if not predetermined.  It may be specialty coffee, the library, the subway station, or a haircut.  Shops along the sidewalk, few with the recognizable from anywhere national chains.  Sometimes green grocers set up produce outside their entrances.  During the daylight, people walk from place to place, sometimes block to block.  Cars some by, speed depending on traffic and traffic signals.  Architecture usually has some variation, gingerbread pastels of SF, elegant townhouses and midrises of another era in the Central West End, reclaimed shells in Pittsburgh.  Parks and schools with playgrounds interrupt the commercial and residential sections.  Churches seem few, but imposing where they occur.  

Despite my multiple rooms, as an empty nester, I use very little.  Clutter has kept the cars out of the garage for decades, though I do appreciate my driveway.  A few blocks from my daughter's SF apartment, there are small single-family houses with downsloping driveways into single-car garages.  I have a place where I write, surf a laptop, watch YouTube on a big screen, and listen to a stereo.  Bedroom serves mostly sleeping and closet, not requiring much space.  Rarely entertain in the living room.  Family room is now for my treadmill, something that would fit into My Space if I could get help moving it upstairs.  Spacious kitchen and formal dining rooms remain used frequently.  And multiple bathrooms all get used.  So my kids and their city friends do not seem to be at much disadvantage for living in places that require judicious decisions on what to place where.  They still get to do the things I spread out to do.  And they have more purposeful destinations nearby.  

Every Contingency

Overnight trip upcoming.  By car.  With wallet and credit card and enough cash.  To a major city with retail options exceeding what I have at home.  I should be able to put my worldly goods in something more compact than my airline carry-on. Clothing for the next day.  Grooming needs for the morning. PJs.  Even my laptop with its charging cord.

But over an adult lifetime of short trips, my ability to plan sensibly has yielded to the what-ifs and what else might I like to do while away.  Some things I never take, especially stuff that's not mine.  My two checked-out library books stay home.  When I complete the return drive, I may not go directly home, as I have a synagogue event to attend.  A casual one, but not t-shirt and shorts for a kabbalat shabbat gathering.  I will need to drive home in something I can wear there.  And I will need an extra outfit in 

case I spill something on what I would have worn in either direction.

My grooming kit is largely set from previous longer travel.  It takes some room, and I probably won't use more than a comb and dental supplies which can fit in a TSA quart-size clear plastic bag, much smaller than my dopp kit.  Spare glasses can stay in their usual car compartment.  I need them most when I need to drive home, though I always exchange my good pair for a more expendable set when I risk losing them at a beach or amusement park.  Neither of these destinations planned.  

Even though I will only be with my daughter and granddaughter for about 24 hours, they may want to eat out.  Need something suitable.  Bought a VLog kit to record the little one.  Have to take that.  And there are things I work on.  Laptop.  Mini-recorder.  Moleskine clone.  Some pens.  Maybe a small portfolio with paper.  Transistor radio?  Can stay home.  My medicines I will transfer to another case.  Two pills at night, seven the next morning.  No reason to take two weekly pill cases.  Prescriptions I cannot easily purchase while away, though nothing will seriously happen to me if I miss those pills for one dose.  Or maybe not work on stuff for two days, other than what I can directly perform on a laptop and cell phone.  Charging cords?  I keep a car charging cord, so I could charge the cell phone en route or use that charging cord in my hostess' port that she uses.  And VLog charging cords part of the package.  Same port as cell phone. Maybe leave smart watch home and wear the more functional Casio 168, which needs no charging.  Cell phone can do pretty much the smart watch tasks that I use.  Count down timer mostly.

YouTube has ample short videos of how to best pack.  Most are based on experience.  None addresses my fears of not having what I need when I need it, let alone the easy ability to compensate.  I'll overpack as usual, but try to show some restraint.

Learning a VLog

My two grandchildren, each not quite a year old had scheduled visits.  With a $50 Amazon gift card as an honorarium for serving as a university research subject, I spent the majority of it on a VLog kit, anticipating not only my grandchildren's encounters but some other summer travel.

It arrived the day before the order tracker indicated it would.  I unpacked the plastic Yamaha recorder, two sham moleskines, and a package of purple highlighters that comprised the rest of this Amazon submission.  The VLog kit on the screen looked very portable.  It had a backlight and a microphone.  Its wand could stay handheld or it could be extended for placement on a floor.  It all came compactly packed in a not fully hard case with a zipper.  It stayed as I received it until my son and his wife escorted my grandson into our living room.  I really did not need this to take a photo of his adorable face or a short video of him crawling in our lower hall.  

As we schmoozed in our living room, I unzipped the case.  It had more parts than I expected, along with instructions printed on the front and back of a single page with print too small to discern with my bifocals.  I handed it to my son.  The illustration enabled me to unfold the tripod base.  Extending the tripod from handheld to free-standing took longer.  I placed the phone horizontally in its adjustable receptacle.  I do not know if will take the phone in its vertical dimension, but the receptacle rotates so I can position the phone that way.  The backlight came in a separate compartment.  Attaching it was not obvious, but I deduced where it must fit.  By rotating the phone, I could get the bottom of the light to fit in a portion of the stand.  It had an on/off switch that did not seem part of the instruction sheet.  It worked.  I remembered to turn it off.  That's as far as I got before they had to leave for their five-hour drive home.

Later in the afternoon, I decided to tackle the rest.  It has a remote control that I will need to pair with the phone.  It also comes with two microphones and a receiver.  All ports are USB-C which makes it easy. Cables included. Everything seems to come pre-charged.  The microphones have a special instruction sheet.  The exposed side seems to be Chinese or Japanese.  When I open the folded part and turn it over, English appears.  Larger print than the main instructions.  I checked the transmitter.  It fits into the charging port of the phone.  Each microphone has a clip.  I cannot tell if these also need to be charged, but I will do that before I travel to meet my granddaughter in a few days.  I'll pair everything before I go to sleep tonight.

It amazes me how inexpensive these adjuncts to a phone have become.  I have no interest in creating professional YouTubes, but would like a more sophisticated record of the people most dear to me and of the places I visit.  Everything fits in a small case easily transported in a carry-on or backpack, though perhaps not my briefcase.  Not especially user-friendly, since I have to repackage everything to transport it.  Reading the instruction's miniscule print did not go easily.  But by my next trip in a few days and mini-vacation in a few weeks, I should have this upgrade ready for use. 

Overscheduled Week

Retirement usually offers ample, maybe excessive, time flexibility.  Appointments are few.  During the academic year OLLI classes require me to be at a certain place at a certain time.  Shabbos comes every Friday night.  Saturdays are more flexible depending on what synagogue obligations I've undertaken.  Doctors' appointments and prepartory lab testing appear on my schedule more than they once did, though not in a burdensome way.  And I have special events:  birthdays, anniversary, Seder, Thanksgiving, Mother's Day.  But mostly not much needs entry in a scheduling grid.  I can travel when I want, mostly.  Shop at times I choose.  Find time at My Space and in my kitchen.  I've committed to doing things, but mostly control when to do them, sometimes at the expense of accountability.

So with some trepidation, I look to a rare upcoming week where other people impose my activities.  My children and grandchildren who live a distance away will each be coming my way a few days apart.  Very high priority.  I will have an overnight trip for one, have to prepare a luncheon for the other.  At mid-week, other events appear.  An organization to which I have done important things sponsors a semi-annual reception.  It is my chance to meet the remarkable students that my committee has awarded scholarships.  As that early evening gathering concludes, my synagogue holds its annual meeting.  I contribute or reap very little from that event but as a Board Member and frequent contributor of skill to their ongoing worship program, I probably ought to go, at least via Zoom.  While I do useful things for them, I create nothing, unlike the scholarship committee where my analytical input has transformed how the committee decides which applicants to award.  

The next day I have a doctor's appointment with my most irritating practice.  They are tracking a few things, not always in the most expedient way.  Appointments for office and procedures are at a premium, so I take what I can.  For this encounter, an online visit, I know what I want to accomplish.

Then travel the next day, leaving me about 24 hours with daughter and granddaughter.  They will have traveled from SF to NY a few days before, so should be rested.  I do not desire much tourism.  From there, I drive home in time for a pre-shabbos barbecue at the synagogue.  I have mixed feelings about these events, as the last cookout I found problematic.  Shabbos services the next day, with my wife a key participant.  Then Fathers' Day where I make my own special dinner.

These events of specified times add up.  They come with the opportunity cost of what I could be doing instead, but seeing kids and scholarship recipients offers high value.  A doctor's visit by Zoom takes less than a half hour.  The synagogue activities disrupt a bit more, though not having to make Friday night dinner at home offsets what I would usually find myself doing.  Even travel slows down from the norm.  When I go to NYC once or twice a year, I center it around attractions of a tourist destination.  Focusing on people this time reduces some of the decision stress, though I still do not know where I will park my car near my destination in Brooklyn.

The cluster of events forces me to immerse myself in other people.  Less time at my laptop, more holding grandchildren and shaking hands.  Not that much more in my car.  Less with myself, less checking off what tasks I've completed each day.  Probably a beneficial reset for the more usual weeks that follow. 

Paper and Pen and Mind

They made me take typing in 9th grade.  Manual typewriter.  Office model that could not be stolen easily, though the Junior High did not chain them to the desks.  I typed poorly.  Fewer Words per Minute than most, but also fewer typos than most.  I peeked at the paper, something the teacher discouraged.  It became a useful skill.  When my mother typed my term papers, the Greeks became Freeks.  When I left enough time to type them myself, using high grade erasable paper, my spelling upgraded to flawless.  In college I moved up to an electric typewriter, which I still have in its case, placed in a nook in My Space.  I cannot remember the last time I used it.  And then came Word Processing, which transformed not only how I typed and edited, but how I thought.

My typewriter served me as a tool.  I composed what I wanted to express, except for the briefest of letters, on paper.  Sometimes a canary-lined pad bound but tearable at the top, other times with loose-leaf paper removed from a binder.  I'd also had index cards that i could sequence to create a more coherent composition.  But most of my prose needing submission started on lined paper in my own marginal handwriting.  Before even opening the typewriter case and plugging the machine into the outlet, I'd proofread the text.  Then typing became a chore intended for presentation.  Thinking always took place on paper first.

Not everyone did this, even back in the day.  Journalists often carried portable typewriters to their assignments.  They typed their reports on-site, transmitted them to their editors and proofreaders, who amended sentence structure, spelling, and grammar.  Often the editor enhanced readability, a hint that maybe the best thinking and expression took a hit when typed.  Then onto the typesetters.

Word Processing and computerized editing changed that.  Now available for 30 years, I and undoubtedly a majority, now think and type, bypassing the pen altogether.  Editing for presentation still takes as much effort as composition, but most output never has public readers as its intent.  Is the thinking that goes into creation as discerning when ideas go directly to keyboard?  Some studies and YouTube Videos suggest not.  As a result, the sales of pocket notebooks and desktop journals have increased.  Personal planners with 7-rings and removable pages still compete successfully with computerized personal productivity programs.  There are elements that the computers have not yet matched.  The electronics excel at reminding or carrying over individual tasks.  It does not do as well in creating priorities or sorting goals.

While I do my best to go from mind to keyboard to create compositions, respond to the written work of others, and generate emails, some mental tasks still seem to perform better with a pen and paper.  Every night I take out a marble composition book to jot down three of the day's accomplishments.  My exercise attainments goes into a written log each week.  Every day I write something that annoyed me into a spiral notebook, then turn back one month and six months to see how the untoward experiences of those days have largely resolved.

I've tried electronic planning. Todoist doesn't even come close to a writing pad.  Weekly outline every Sunday, color coded by type of task.  Every evening, that weekly outline gets reviewed with the next day's intended activities transcribed onto what is effectively a half-sheet of blank computer paper.  My six month projects appear not on a screen but on a whiteboard in my line of sight to the left of my desk.  Not only does it enable me to think, to discern, but my handwriting remains recognizable as mine.

I've never abandoned pen and paper.  Perhaps I should use them more.  On my last Amazon order, I included two pocket notebooks.  The first went into my cross-chest carrier, along with a mini digital recorder.  I can generate thoughts portably, in airplane or in coffee shop.  Ideas and reflection still require thinking, pausing, and transcribing.  Not very different than how the best of my teachers taught me how to create and record.  Predictions of the computer making paper obsolete just did not materialize, and for good reason.

Strangers Responding

I posted requests on Reddit's r/long island and FB's Visit all 50 States.  My wife accepted an abbreviated vacation this summer, with more arduous travel vetoed for now.  We opted to visit Long Island, a three hour car trip.  I had been to various parts many times, though always purposeful.  Weddings, Bar Mitzvah's, Funerals.  Visiting my grandfather's siblings, including an outing onto Rockaway Beach.  Stony Brook as a likely place I might attend.  Tourism only occurred one time when my daughter, who then lived in Queens, suggested Father-Daughter Bonding for Father's Day.  She drove me the full length of the Island's North Shore, a very pleasant afternoon, though a lot of time in the car between my round-trip drive home and the east-west dimension of America's largest island.

This time we go as pure tourists.  No intention of visiting anyone, though I know people who live there.  While residents of Metro NY flock to their beaches, I have suitable beaches readily accessible in my home state.  This time we go to get away from home, seek out places unique to the geography and culture of where we visit.  Museums, history, mansions, unique sites, wineries.  Sources for destinations on The Island abound.  YouTube videos, I Love NY, a variety of agencies to promote local tourism, Trip Advisor.  I looked at all of these.  From them I could stake out the Gilded Mansions repurposed for public use, the distribution of vineyards, enclaves of the nouveau riches of today that might still let a peasant couple gawk from not too close, historical lighthouses, ferry access when an escape might be needed.  Like much data, it comes as a mostly unsorted jumble.  So I asked people who had familiarity on social media platforms, each trusted from prior use.

People responded very quickly, about a dozen each on FB and Reddit.  It made it more of an annotated list, places to give priority when time is limited.  In this era of social media trolls, the generosity and candor of those who responded did not surprise me.  As much as I ration FB, the assigned days to sign on usually bring me to the Visit 50 States site.  I live in an obscure state that people want to cross off their list and in a multistate area where travelers want to check off 4-6 states on their road trip.  If somebody asks what to do nearby, I guide them.  Often they will post with traveler information, where they originate, ages of kids, elderly people in car with them, pets.  I can adapt suggestions to that.  What might a grade schooler like to visit, maybe where kids go on our local school class trips?  Have they ever been on a subway.  Ever seen Amish or Hasidim who live in isolated enclaves?  My familiarity can be very helpful, something a generic YouTube or vlog cannot easily duplicate.  That insight I offered to posters' queries about where I live now and in the past was reciprocated to me that afternoon.  

Reddit, at least when used in my judicious way, has never displayed the toxicity of FB, nor the incessant insertion of advertising or news feeds chosen by an algorithm to make me irate enough to stay logged on.  I ration which days I access and mostly what I access.  People share my interest in Judaism and Jewish cooking.  Many have less experience than me, so I try to be as helpful as possible to people going to the synagogue for the first time or seeking resources to learn more about Judaism.  I have had inquiries about a potholes on the roadways and a library misadventure.  My questions got many informative responses from civil engineers and librarians, as did my request to enhance my few days on Long Island.

If there is a message from this experience, both as benevolent contributor and reciepient, social media need not be the electronic cesspool that users so often encounter, one dominated by trolls and conflict entrepreneurs.  There is business model that capitalizes on exploiting pushing people's buttons, one where some regulation would enhance public experience.  Most users, though, when give the chance, come to these platforms with a measure of good will.  We find people who seek information, reassurance,  guidance through a dilemma, or recovery from an untoward experience.  Strangers, whether with names on FB or avatars or Reddit, reach out when we can.  We want the other people to have good experiences when they visit our places, whether geographic or places of worship, or from the recipes that challenge them in their kitchens.  The users come through on this, creating the expanded communities where people benefit each other.  Nothing demeaning, nothing malicious.  

To get to these generous people, though, you sometimes have to wade through and set aside some of the odious posters, more on FB than Reddit.  Like many people, I read about the downsides of these platforms.  Anti-Semitism, neonazism shielded by anonymity, attacks of people's appearance at vulnerable times in their lives.  I experience very little of this, though enough to exit all platforms for six months, to ration my presence on my return, and to write off of few platforms as places to not enter.  But as a selective tool, people can connect to some very fine people ranging from HS friends who share lives in retirement, experts in various subjects, the people who root for the same teams as you, and people who you will never meet who serve as gracious advisors.  It's a challenge to stay selective and not get rattled by the people you'd rather avoid.  I haven't since my judidious return, and won't meet any of them either.