Strangers Responding

I posted requests on Reddit's r/long island and FB's Visit all 50 States.  My wife accepted an abbreviated vacation this summer, with more arduous travel vetoed for now.  We opted to visit Long Island, a three hour car trip.  I had been to various parts many times, though always purposeful.  Weddings, Bar Mitzvah's, Funerals.  Visiting my grandfather's siblings, including an outing onto Rockaway Beach.  Stony Brook as a likely place I might attend.  Tourism only occurred one time when my daughter, who then lived in Queens, suggested Father-Daughter Bonding for Father's Day.  She drove me the full length of the Island's North Shore, a very pleasant afternoon, though a lot of time in the car between my round-trip drive home and the east-west dimension of America's largest island.

This time we go as pure tourists.  No intention of visiting anyone, though I know people who live there.  While residents of Metro NY flock to their beaches, I have suitable beaches readily accessible in my home state.  This time we go to get away from home, seek out places unique to the geography and culture of where we visit.  Museums, history, mansions, unique sites, wineries.  Sources for destinations on The Island abound.  YouTube videos, I Love NY, a variety of agencies to promote local tourism, Trip Advisor.  I looked at all of these.  From them I could stake out the Gilded Mansions repurposed for public use, the distribution of vineyards, enclaves of the nouveau riches of today that might still let a peasant couple gawk from not too close, historical lighthouses, ferry access when an escape might be needed.  Like much data, it comes as a mostly unsorted jumble.  So I asked people who had familiarity on social media platforms, each trusted from prior use.

People responded very quickly, about a dozen each on FB and Reddit.  It made it more of an annotated list, places to give priority when time is limited.  In this era of social media trolls, the generosity and candor of those who responded did not surprise me.  As much as I ration FB, the assigned days to sign on usually bring me to the Visit 50 States site.  I live in an obscure state that people want to cross off their list and in a multistate area where travelers want to check off 4-6 states on their road trip.  If somebody asks what to do nearby, I guide them.  Often they will post with traveler information, where they originate, ages of kids, elderly people in car with them, pets.  I can adapt suggestions to that.  What might a grade schooler like to visit, maybe where kids go on our local school class trips?  Have they ever been on a subway.  Ever seen Amish or Hasidim who live in isolated enclaves?  My familiarity can be very helpful, something a generic YouTube or vlog cannot easily duplicate.  That insight I offered to posters' queries about where I live now and in the past was reciprocated to me that afternoon.  

Reddit, at least when used in my judicious way, has never displayed the toxicity of FB, nor the incessant insertion of advertising or news feeds chosen by an algorithm to make me irate enough to stay logged on.  I ration which days I access and mostly what I access.  People share my interest in Judaism and Jewish cooking.  Many have less experience than me, so I try to be as helpful as possible to people going to the synagogue for the first time or seeking resources to learn more about Judaism.  I have had inquiries about a potholes on the roadways and a library misadventure.  My questions got many informative responses from civil engineers and librarians, as did my request to enhance my few days on Long Island.

If there is a message from this experience, both as benevolent contributor and reciepient, social media need not be the electronic cesspool that users so often encounter, one dominated by trolls and conflict entrepreneurs.  There is business model that capitalizes on exploiting pushing people's buttons, one where some regulation would enhance public experience.  Most users, though, when give the chance, come to these platforms with a measure of good will.  We find people who seek information, reassurance,  guidance through a dilemma, or recovery from an untoward experience.  Strangers, whether with names on FB or avatars or Reddit, reach out when we can.  We want the other people to have good experiences when they visit our places, whether geographic or places of worship, or from the recipes that challenge them in their kitchens.  The users come through on this, creating the expanded communities where people benefit each other.  Nothing demeaning, nothing malicious.  

To get to these generous people, though, you sometimes have to wade through and set aside some of the odious posters, more on FB than Reddit.  Like many people, I read about the downsides of these platforms.  Anti-Semitism, neonazism shielded by anonymity, attacks of people's appearance at vulnerable times in their lives.  I experience very little of this, though enough to exit all platforms for six months, to ration my presence on my return, and to write off of few platforms as places to not enter.  But as a selective tool, people can connect to some very fine people ranging from HS friends who share lives in retirement, experts in various subjects, the people who root for the same teams as you, and people who you will never meet who serve as gracious advisors.  It's a challenge to stay selective and not get rattled by the people you'd rather avoid.  I haven't since my judidious return, and won't meet any of them either.

Choosing a Place

At one time, though a number of years ago, at least one coffee outing a week took place on schedule.  Every Sunday morning I would slip my black nylon pouch which contained my weekly planning supplies and head out for coffee.  One place dominated, a local shop that offered a choice of three blends and a table to customize with sweeteners, lighteners, and spice shakers.  Then I would spread paper, pen, and markers across a table.  By the time the last drop got sipped, I returned to my car with two completed lists, one enumerating projects for the week, the other with initiatives for that Sunday, all coded by color.  Sometimes I'd order a pastry, mostly not.  I changed the destination occasionally, preferring Einstein's across the street when I had a Bagel and Schmear coupon, or the Starbucks around the corner.  My local shop had the advantage of offering the coffee in a porcelain mug.

I don't remember how long ago I last did that.  Now My Space serves the Sunday mornings.  Coffee brews over a k-cup.  Colored pens sit in empty spice jars in my line of sight, colored markers in a frosted plastic box from a back-to-school sale on my left.  Very little need to visit a coffee shop.

When Starbucks became a ubiquitous international destination, its founders modeled its locations on a European coffee bistro, a meeting place dating perhaps to the 18th century.  Coffee could not be obtained as easily in that era.  Now with mass marketing of coffee, or beer for that matter, we still have a social need for a coffee house or pub experience.  Coffee houses became places to exchange ideas, pubs to connect with a community.  In America, pre-Starbucks, perhaps the local diner or taverns close to big factories served that gathering function.  Each had an element of convenience, but Starbucks strove to create an experience.

And for a while I could go to the local places that offer specialty coffee, run into somebody I know with predictable frequency, and complete some work that I brought with me.  

I rarely seek these places out in recent years.  When traveling, coffee from WaWa fits in the cup holder as I drive.  Overpriced coffee from an airport kiosk replaces what I would have made at home were I not pressed by schedule.  I purchase a beverage at those places, not an experience.  Every few months, though, I want a break from my house.  For $3.50 or so, I can rent a table which allows me to type on my laptop or outline ideas on a writing pad.  The coffee, flavored as I like it, gets sipped.  It does not serve a social purpose but a carved out half-hour to sit alone with my mind in creative mode,  free of the distractions of My Space.

I still buy experience, but a different one than outlining my week on a Sunday morning.   My local options have not changed.  Large franchises:  Starbucks, Einstein's, Panera, Dunkin, and the small regional chain.  Some give you a disposable cup to fill, much as WaWa would.  Others have an attendant taking customer orders.  Things to eat while sipping the hot coffee have accelerated in price, with only a Dunkin Donut remaining close to my price point.  Starbucks and Dunkin now sell coffee more than experience.  Attendants at Starbucks have lines of cars awaiting their turn at the drive-in windows.  People inside, at least at suburban locations, have become the exception.  They removed the cream thermoses and spice shakers during the pandemic, never replacing them.  Dunkin just pours hot liquid splashed with something white.  Tables have an IKEA look, chairs of plastic.  Not a place to do best thinking.  

Where to go?  The biweekly cleaners had come.  I could close the door to My Space, but I found the bustle a distraction.  After they finished vacuuming the upper landing, I headed downstairs with my cross chest travel pack for a morning of coffee.  Front door obstructed.  I left by the back door.  Panera maybe.  They have porcelain cups, adequate seating, quiet nooks.  I drove past their strip mall.  Einstein and Starbucks not the respite I sought.  Local shop, perhaps.  Finally, after driving in a loop, I returned home to find the cleaner's van still in front of my house.  And I wanted to do some mental activity.  Nearest option, Dunkin.  

As a company, there are a lot of them nearby.  While they once had Fred the Baker getting up at 3AM to create luscious donuts for the morning rush, the CEO retired him.  Making and selling coffee is much less labor intensive.   Coupons for coffee and donut discounts used to arrive in the mail or as a newpaper supplement frequently.  These have faded into consumer history.  I drove to a strip mall, squeezed my Toyota into one of the few remaining spaces, and headed inside at mid-morning.  Menu on a flat screen, donuts in a case, store promotions more for cold drinks than coffee.  I picked a French cruller, standard coffee, handing the counter lady a $20 bill.  I kept $15 in change, leaving the unspent 50 cents in the tip jar.  They had processed me through efficiently.

I placed the cardboard container on the flimsy table, pulled the tiny white plastic tab back and took a sip. A paper bag, recyclable if not soiled by residual donut fying oil, held the cruller.  I took that out and ate the first bite.  Then another sip.  From my travel pouch, I removed a pocket notebook and pen.  Bite of donut, sip of coffee, two ideas entered into notebook.  Repeat until donut fully consumed and page of notebook filled to capacity.  Majority of very mediocre coffee remained, its white plastic travel top still on, and kept reasonably hot by the engineers who designed the cardboard coffee mugs.  Accomplished my purpose, which was writing in the notebook.  Got a pretty good donut as a bonus.  Coffee, the excuse for making the side trip, mostly an afterthought.

Gathering spots, which Starbucks envisioned, have fallen from grace.  Britain still has pubs.  Maybe major cities, European and American, have espresso bars.  The few times I treat myself to a happy hour beer, it never looks like Cheers.  No people interacting with anyone else other than the person who accompanied them.  I go to parks frequently, invariably the oldest person there.  Kids play on swings and slides, parents keep them safe.  People who walk their dogs sometimes let their pet interact with other visitors, never interact themselves.  My favorite diner closed, but at its peak, the people at the counter seemed recognizable every week, a mini-community of each other plus the waitress, if not including me in the chatter.  Since the pandemic, OLLI no longer has people sitting in chairs or at tables talking to each other during the half hour that separates class sessions.  People seem mostly content with their screens, small for phone and laptop, giant for TV streaming.  

There are still some events that attract throngs.  Sports stadiums, political rallies, Yom Kippur, Pride Parades.  People come in part to enjoy the event, mostly as witness unless a direct participant.  Meeting random people rarely makes the agenda.  Even the candidates who work the crowds, grabbing as many hands as their reach allows, want those present to meet them, not a desiring public servant seeking to acquaint with the people.

So my coffee excursion did not fulfill Starbuck's vision as a gathering place.  I had a task. whether weekly planning on Sunday mornings gone by or introducing myself to my new pocket notebook just delivered by Amazon.  The cruller made writing in the notebook more pleasant, the Dunkin coffee and the plastic chairs contributed little.

Treadmill Respite

Every month at the end I offer myself three consecutive days without treadmill sessions.  Those days are 29-30-31 or 29-30-1, depending on the month.  They are welcome, they are needed.  Often I find myself sore, mostly legs, as most recent months I push myself to a new walking duration or up the speed by 0.1mph.  Many months, including the one currently transitioning, have setbacks, days of illness or injury.  I do my very best to avoid any zero days, mostly succeeding.  But a drastically reduced session rarely resumes at the full level of where I left off.  This allows me to reset at sessions 5-10 minutes below where I had exercised previously, then resume to full sessions, usually by month's end.

Those three days pass rather quickly, often with recovery more functional than complete.  Back still a little stiff, knees still needing local care, if not a couple doses of naproxen.  The new month invariably begins, filled with some optimism of reaching another new level when the new month concludes.

I have been fortunate that limitations have been mostly orthopedic, not cardiovascular.  I had some symptomatic volume depletion following a blood donation this past month, one that reduced this timed walk to five minutes.  I've also over-extended, feeling energetic enough at 25 minutes to push for 30.  Additions of two minutes go un-noticed, even reset the new normal.  Additions of five minutes bring soreness. This creates a branch point, endure or cut back?  I mostly choose the prudent option and reset my sessions downward.

Having now done this for a couple of years into my 70's, I definitely feel more energetic, maybe adapting to a basal level of lower extremity soreness.  Good decision to allow some healing each month.

Best Hours

Retirement mostly allows me to choose what I do when.  No commuting times, not many scheduled meetings, few appointments.  That's not to imply lack of schedule.  One reason for a very successful last couple of years has been to assign times for certain activities.  Up at the same time each morning.  Treadmill as close to 7:50AM on scheduled days as I can get it.  Big mug of water consumed every morning as soon as I go downstairs, which usually follows dental hygiene, then coffee goes into that mug with a splash of creamer.  All goes to My Space where I select three priority activities for the day.  Email follows, not before.  While coffee brews and I sip water in the kitchen, I head outside to retrieve my wife's newspaper.  I also wash some dishes.  The mornings are subdivided into times for specific activities.  Some of these assignments do not always serve me in the best way.  It is convenient to take my blood pressure when I make coffee, before exercise.  However, assessment of where my blood pressure ranges requires that it be taken at different hours, which I try to do.  By 9AM, my Daily Task list has a few items crossed off.  Other than treadmill, none of these activities are things I might make excuses not to do.

Deep work, focus with a timer, has not adapted to scheduling quite as well.  Some hours link to creativity or perspective.  In my working years, mornings generally found me more engaged than afternoons, though I did some of my best reflective work closer to quitting time.  There may be a difference between my motivation to perform and what I accomplish.  Some tasks require mental acuity, others require attention to routine.  

I think my higher CNS centers do best after a second cup of morning coffee.  I can compose new thoughts and express them in the best way.  That 9-11AM window has very little structure.  During that time, I should be typing, not shopping for groceries, and certainly not scrolling FB.  That's time best suited to create something from a blank screen or page.  Yet it has not acquired an inviolate protection of my schedule the way the scheduled treadmill efforts have.

In the afternoons, tend to read and respond.  The Atlantic now has a section to invite reader comments after each article.  So does eJewish Philanthropy and Moment Magazine.  I guess their editors figured out that Twitter, where journalists prefer to interact, has repelled enough readers, myself among them, that they need to offer a more acceptable forum.  I read and respond, mostly early afternoons.  My thinking prowess seems a little diminished from its peak, but still adequate.

That mid-day segment, 11AM to 1PM seems something of an ebb for me. OLLI classes during the school year cluster during that time.  When not engaged in classes, struggling to stay attentive, I gravitate to my activities that do not require much mindfulness.  That's the time to go to the supermarket or scroll FB.

Late afternoon becomes another lull, a time for my mind to retreat.  There are studies which show doctors are least attentive in those hours and make more faulty decisions than they do before lunch.  I find myself struggling to express myself in an articulate way at that part of the daily cycle.

The evening restores an element of routine, though perhaps not the best routine.  I make supper, one usually planned much earlier.  I'm not very creative but don't have to be to boil some pasta or sautee some garden burgers.  Then eat, PM medicine, and return to My Space, though this time surfing YouTube instead of actively engaged at my desk.  It's not dead time.   I choose videos that add to my knowledge.  I often read the books I am tackling.  But I do not engage in expressive, creative work in a meaningful way after supper, other than planning the activities for the following day and checking off what I did that day. I have a late-day routine, less rigid than my morning one, but there is a set time to shut down the laptop and phone.  At the end of the day, I read some more, rehearse any Torah readings I have committed to performing in the near future, and recap what went well and what did not over the course of the day.  Then lights out at 10PM unless my wife needs to keep them on to read.  

I think there are parts of each day best suited to different tasks.  Identifying that slots suit what activities has a lot of uncertainty.  For jobholders, assignments determine them.  I retirement I have control.  It's still not clear if what I choose to do at different times enhances or undermines actual performance.

The routines at the beginning and end of each day have served me well.

Spending My Gift Card

As a research subject, a common pursuit in retirement, many projects offer honoraria.  I donate the money but redeem the gift cards.  For several months I've had $50 entitlement to the endless array of stuff that Amazon offers, but the e-card remains unused in some part of my email Inbox.  It's not that I've not purchased anything on Amazon since receiving the gift from the University's research grant,  I have.  But I paid with my own Visa card for a few items I felt I needed.  These freebies go for the more frivolous desires.  I've bought a violin bow in the past. And two ink cartridge pens.  I have a fondness for pens of all types. Don't remember what else.  Frivolous occupies space without being used much.  As a senior, I have enough things, so many that minimizing clutter creates a challenge.

I have enough clothing.  Dress clothing only gets worn to synagogue these days.  Ties once attracted me by the designs they have and the statements they make.  That age has long passed.  I have bought watches, a retro and a smart watch, but did not use the gift card.  By now I have a collection of art supplies that remain dormant.  Good stationery was once something I found attractive, but has become obsolete with electronic communication.    Musical instrument.  A flutophone, if they still make them, will not bite into that $50 very much.  I have unused harmonicas.  I think a mandolin would sell for more than $100.  Bongos probably in budget.  Ukelele maybe.

I like retro electronics.  Tape recorders, small boom boxes.  Those are better obtained used on eBay.  I have enough Judaica.  At one time I found fragrances indulgent.  Jade East and Hai Karate could be found on tables at my favorite discounters.  Those iconic scents may still exist, and probably within my gift card's limit.  And some barbershop classics, though I have some of these

What about logos?  My alma maters. The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.  Swag of all types.  I have clothing, coffee mugs, beer steins.  I like to get them either as souvenirs of a campus visit or a store display.  I don't think I'd acquire them on Amazon.

YouTube influencers know that dedicated Amazon consumers abound, mostly young people in their acquisition time of life.  Video clips of 15-30 minutes reveal all sorts of gadgets, many creative electronics, that they might find on Amazon.  I watched some.  The majority omit the prices in the presentation.  Whatever I get will be within budget.

While I have no incentive to ever redeem this gift, or really a minor earning on my part as the research project occupied me for about two hours, I don't want it to languish. Nor do I want my effort to redeem it to occupy a lot more time than earning it did.  Surf the Amazon site and those YouTube videos a bit more, then set an evening to just make a purchase.  It does have to be something I would not have indulged myself with my own income.  

 

Travel Preferences

OLLI Spring Semester concluded. Shavuot observed.  A time gap follows until classes resume after Labor Day.  That leaves three months, largely unscheduled, months of opportunity for exploration.  Some fixed points, or semi-fixed points, appear, but not many.  A rendevous with daughter and granddaughter on their travels.  A scheduled doctor's appointment.  Father's Day.  Our anniversary. Tisha B'Av in late July this secular calendar year.  No pressing household chores.  Outdoor gardens need little maintenance.  No pets to arrange care. Mostly possibilities.  Three months of possibilities merged with priorities.

While the current price of fuel has spiked, getting away from home periodically remains a priority.  My wife and I clashed on how this should play out.  Programmed with no hassle suits her.  Minor adventure with new experiences falls high on my radar.  When I set my current semi-annual projects six months ago, I included air travel as an initiative.  Wife sorta OK with that until we arrive at a destination.  Then a thumbs down to car rental and multihour drive.  We discussed cruising.  Conceptually fine.  Europe no.  Canada sold out for the peak of our summer.  Road trip of any type requiring overnight motels along the route has not gone well the last few times.

We diverge on political overtones.  Scenery and marvels of nature and much of history has been populated by people who vote differently than we do.  I just want to have new experiences.  She wants to restrict who benefits from our money.  

So we worked out a pact.  For the peak summer, we would travel by car for a few days.  The air travel would bring us to our grandchild who lives in a place that votes more like we do, but with some nature and resorts.  Not irreconcilable differences.

Big trip the following calendar year, special personal milestone, contingent on health.  A reasonable accommodation to each other.

Shavout Experience

Of the Jewish Festivals, Shavuot often gets treated in a subordinate way.  People look forward to the High Holy Days, a time when synagogue dues get paid up to enable large attendance.  People shop for new clothing to greet old friends not seen since last Rosh HaShanah.  We hear Shofar.  We eat apples and honey. We return to school.  Sukkot has us entering sukkahs.  If we do not have our own, the synagogue has one or we are likely to be invited to a friend's sukkah for dinner sometime in the week.  Hanukkah coincides on the calendar with the more widely observed Christian holidays.  We Jews claim our stake to the season.  We shop for gifts, light candles, eat latkes.  After we put our menorahs back to year round display on a shelf, we transition to the next calendar year.  Winter vacation gives us a break from school or work.  

Then a long winter.  By Pesach, we could use a renewal.  Clean house.  Hard work exchanging dishes.  Expensive outlay for suitable food.  The preparation shares elements of engagement and annoyance.  But then Seder arrives.  For many the first elegant meal with gathering of special people since Thanksgiving.  A week's break from school gets inserted somewhere, usually before Pesach for college spring break hedonism, better timed to the Easter culmination for lower grades.  Pesach, like Rosh HaShanah and Hanukkah, serves as carved out time. 

Shavuot often seems anticlimactic.  We anticipate the others spontaneously, awaiting their mostly festive experience.  Anticipation of Shavuot, though, has more formality, one commanded in Torah.  Every night after dark, we count the Omer, 49 days, seven weeks, both counted each night with a blessing.  I have to set my timer to remind me at 9:10PM, go downstairs where I keep the log of what number arrives, spend two minutes doing it, then return to what I was doing.  It registers in my mind as obligation, even intrusion, more than anticipation.  Its place amid the secular calendar which can vary between years, does not have the consistency of the other Festivals.  More often college has ended but public school has not.  Schedulers of graduations and class trips do not always accommodate their observant Jewish students, forcing some priority choices.  As school years conclude, friends are as likely to scatter as they are to gather.  Shavuot lacks a visible ritual.  We celebrate Torah, the core of Jewish existence, with more obligation than revelry.  The synagogue experience, while only two days, often seems long with additions of Hallel, Akdemut, Ruth, and Yizkor, all just as the weather sometimes becomes hot.  And all while too soon for the youngsters to head off to camp, their real source of anticipation.

As this Feast of Weeks nears its arrival, I have faithfully completed the Omer count.  It is tradtional to spend the evening of onset learning, often late into the night.  Some find this energizing, others add it as another extension  of burden one more night.  I focus on food.  Shavuot has its classical foods.  Blintzes and cheesecake.  Meals are traditionally dairy, with a variety of reasons to justify this tradition.  I will be a synagogue participant, though a minor one, chanting a portion of the Book of Ruth with its delicate, enchanting melody.  Most years, I have a guest to share dinner the second night when no competing synagogue activities occur.  Menu preparation and execution challenge my creativity and organizationsl skills.

The Menu:

1. Kiddush in the manner of Manischewitz
2. Challah made by me, with its elements timed to do some before services, some after
3. Blintzes with cottage cheese and raisin filling.
4. Vegetable soup.
5. Asian Cucumber Salad.
6. Coulibiac, a Russian fish pie in puff pastry, requiring a few different steps. 
7. Lecso to honor my Hungarian heritage.
8. Austrian Linzertorte to avoid the cheesecake cliche, which they can have at synagogue.
9. Kosher white wine.
10. Herb Tea.

All within my capacity.  It takes a step-child of a holiday and brings it a little closer to the others.  I'm long past graduations, not past summer vacation.  Shavuot retains its significant seasonal intersection.