My usual abrasive self probably has a very early, deeply ingrained imprint, a part of me that enhances my uniqueness, though sometimes at a price. Models of highly successful momzer's abound, one reaching the Oval Office and creating a loyal following but with a lot of victims. I don't think I ever really had victims. Moreover, there were ample times, even most times, when being ornery would pretty much intersect with being unprofessional so got set aside.
From time to time I seek reversal, or at least a façade. Citalopram each evening makes me more internally tolerant but it also helps to add a task like Friendly or Cordial to my daily task list. Currently it's Cordial. And it's been going mostly OK but requires vigilance to return to the objective as I stray. Unlikely to ever really become habitual but still worth working on.
