Logistics

My brother-in-law passed away two days ago.  He had a variety of chronic illnesses, some major surgery which, while successful, had difficult convalescence.  Yet he rallied with some permanent limitations.  His limited longevity was expected but the time and circumstances of his passing could not be anticipated.

Thus, we enter a difficult YK weekend.  He lived about 130 miles away but he and his widow opted for funeral arrangements near the rest of their families.  His widow and the funeral director decided on a place and time, erev YK, which is a Sunday.  The yontif precludes Shiva and the shloshim gets halted by Sukkot a few days following.

As the person with the car and the mobility and some activities arranged previously, that leaves me with my share of tasks as well.  I have my big OLLI morning on Fridays.  For Saturday, I had agreed to lead Shacharit, one with a few Shabbos Shuvah insertions that I had not done publicly before but have familiarity with them.  My daughter arrives from the west coast sometime Saturday, arranged long in advance to be with us for YK but she will be able to attend her uncle's funeral.  I will retrieve her from the airport's arrival curb.  My son and daughter-in-law arrive from Pittsburgh on Saturday night.  They will have a car and can get themselves to the funeral.

I do not know where my sister-in-law and nephew will be staying, but a limo from the Funeral Director will transport them to the graveside service.  A kosher caterer will provide a meal of condolence platter which I need to retrieve before the funeral, deliver to my other sister-in-law, then transport some people to the cemetery.  And the weatherman predicts rain.

Some eating and memories at my sister-in-law's house, leaving early enough to assure that I can assemble a suitable meal before YK.  Then Kol Nidre Sunday night, with its various speeches.  I am Torah reader YK morning, something I've done proficiently before and have adequately rehearsed for this year.  Eventually shofar blowing.

My daughter will then need to be transported to the airport, not sure when.  But I'm the one with the car.

If I like anything about retirement, it has been my control over my time.  I have imposed a few timed tasks, when to get up, when it's lights out, my OLLI course selection with meeting times a huge influence on what I take, my morning routine, when and where I want to travel.  Occasionally I will get an invitation for synagogue, which I usually but not always accept.  And shabbos arrives at its determined time.  My life has enough structure with a few things to do each day, mostly in the mornings. Consecutive days of being at this place at this time to do this, once my daily expectation, has become infrequent.  Even traveling in Paris this month, the tour had its schedule, dividing each day into three parts, but I had enough opt in or out choices to remain in control.  For the next few days, I will need to conform to a series of externally created tasks with specified times.  I'm no longer used to this, but up to the challenge.

We'll Go There for the Holy Days

Once a year my wife and I have our entry into Transdenominationalism.  For the past twenty-five years a dedicated cadre of observant Conservative Jews, still members of their USCJ congregations, depart from what can be an irritating experience, conducting something akin to what I aspire to, almost a College Hillel for the Alumni of the College Hillels at Rosh Hashana.  No Rabbis.  No new clothing from the fancy outlets.  No reserved pew seating.  Nobody checking tickets.  They have an honor system to pay $18 to cover the cost of building and chair rental, along with a small kiddush.  Nobody asking for pledges.  No interruption of the service to honor the congregation's machers and raise money at the same time.  Aliyot and petichot and gabbaim assigned that morning with no expectation of a donation for the honor.  No chazzan or Symphonic Choir, though each volunteer baal t'filah has been outstanding.  Sermons also superior in content and analysis from what I have come to expect of our congregational Rabbis.  No kvetches about faulty air conditioning or having to park the car too far away.  And we got done with the service in its entirety at least a half hour before our home congregation did.  It's the shabbos experience transposed to the Holy Days when the realities of congregational experience often corrupt what the congregation should be aspiring to.  If only they knew about it and did not mind either the drive or the gender equality, AKSE would not be competitive on the days the Board depends upon most for people to have a favorable experience.

Much can be said about shopping down.  When I need a new cars or house or suit, I look first at the ones I cannot afford, noting their special features that are most important, some of which are preserved in the offerings more readily available to me.  Synagogue membership has become a big ticket item, one rather expendable if the only thing derived is a three day, four service appearance that can be had for $18 a person per year.  Unfortunately for some, that outstanding experience invites other outstanding experience, which means ponying up for the membership which at its best includes some means of molding the congregation.  People can observe the Holy Days for free at any Chabad but they cannot influence what Chabad has become.  Congregational members can impact on who the Rabbi is, what the Rabbi does, the social activities that go on through the year, the educational offerings, maybe even the finances.  Inability to do that, particularly in those Beth Sodom's that have kingmakers or macher swoops greatly devalues the cost of membership, as many a congregational leader now grapples with membership retention as the ultimate goal with membership participation as the element that cements retention.

So as RH transitions to YK, I return to AKSE as a Torah reading participant, a curious listener to hear what the Rabbi has to say about the Pew Research Report, his announced pre-Yizkor topic and perhaps even a minor league schmoozer at the buffet that follows shofar blowing.

YK Reflections

Our holiest day came and went.  Kol Nidre was not particularly well attended.  The sanctuary seemed more completely occupied the following day, keeping in mind that the portion devoted to seating has been reduced every few years.  We were asked for money a lot.  Mostly noble causes like keeping the synagogue solvent or supporting the infrastructure of Israel.  The reason for buying Israel Bonds was a lot more obvious than the reason for keeping the synagogue solvent.  One of the salient features that keeps AKSE different from Chabad is that AKSE has to adapt to its constituents while Chabad does not.  Keeping it solvent for the sake of keeping it solvent without keeping it attractive and vibrant as a consequence of keeping it financially viable might be a hard sell.  And there was a pitch for pet projects:  AIPAC,CUFI, multicongregational Israeli trip which seems unduly expensive, parsha class.  None of this really grabs me, though I do plan to study the parsha each week on yutorah.org, something I've not done in a few years.  Maybe Israel has become the new Holocaust, a purpose for existence beaten into a cliche by Hebrew School or Rabbis who want to turn their congregations into Hebrew School.  Of course it has its place, but so does the Parsha and so does the reality that CUFI while friendly to Israel also carries the banner of some very un-Jewish ideology that gets hidden, perhaps even a form of genevas da-as.  But throughout the YK observance, somebody on the bimah was trying to sell us something.  It all registered neutral, which is better than registering negative.

In my capacity as observer, there were some encouraging parts of the experience.  People of great talent occupied those seats, most of them capable of doing a lot more to enhance the congregation than they currently do.  Perhaps they would if anyone solicited their participation but for the most part nobody has.  If there is any legacy to the outgoing President, who has really worked hard on the congregation's behalf, I think it is that he surrounded himself with a small group of insiders that he knew he could work at the expense of creating a grass roots.  The role of committees has contracted, contrary to the advice of the consultant a few years back.  Appointments for key initiatives comes from an ever contracting pool.  The Nominating Committee has been thoroughly corrupted from a means of evaluating and expanding talent to a telephone squad for the President to decide who he wants to surround himself with.  That form of thinking has some very negative consequences for an organization that has thrived on its openness, some of which seem to be playing out.

And finally, the break the fast presentation was superb.  In addition to an outstanding display of food, they took advantage of a diminishing attendance to create a space with tables behind the sanctuary where people could help themselves to food and enjoy each other.  The people really are capable of excellence but sometimes you have to insist that excellence be consistent in all activities.

Early Rosh Hashana

While the Holy Days being on the first of Tishrei from year to year, I tend to think more in terms of my customary secular calendar which tells me which days I am supposed to work and which I can stay home.  Summer begins on Memorial Day, ends on Labor Day, irrespective of astronomical realities.  The Jewish holidays are therefore perceived as variable.  When they come in early September, they sneak up on you relatively unprepared.

In my commitment to myself to function as an observer, I approach the New Year with a measure of detachment.  There are five people I'd like to greet from afar, and probably will by Hoshana Rabba.  And I really do take some account of misdeeds that should not be repeated.  I have greatly enjoyed Rosh Hashana services at the Merion Tribute House, a synagogue offshoot while the fast of Yom Kippur gives me some measure of accomplishment.  Relented from my non-participant status and agreed to do Shabbat Shuva Haftarah which I've not done in a while.

These days have become something of quiet time for me.  Schedules are flexible for the most part, but not absent.  In another era, the early arrival of the Holy Days would have me scrambling to complete greeting cards but they have largely succumbed to easier electronic communication.  Fewer on the receiving end as well so less of a display to tack onto the walls of the sukkah.  While attendance at the Merion Tribute House has been well subscribed, Yom Kippur attendance at my home congregation has atrophied from year to year in proportion to the membership attrition.  It has its predictability and maybe some people are inspired in some way from the experience.  At other places Rosh Hashana displays the real character of the congregation with people trekking to the Rehoboth Beach Outlets for discounted designer finery and machers parading up to the Bimah for their Aliyot.  A place where everyone who's anyone comes to be seen.  For us it is more of a chore to get through, busy season for the clergy and a few volunteers, but it does not stand disproportionately to other events of the year.  Sukkot quickly takes over followed by shabbos each week.  Our Board has a discussion of the Holy Days were received each year but like macrophages, they have no memory and the same experience will get carried over to subsequent years.  So will my relatively ingrained misdeeds.

Erev Yom Kippur

Yom Kippur comes out on Shabbos this year.  No exotic preparatory efforts, up early to make simple dinner, put my depleted supply of socks into the washer and dryer, enjoy some coffee, read about the Parsha which diverges from the weekly Torah cycle.  I will be carrying the beeper and cell phone for this, the first time since my fellowship that I am subject to communication on Yom Kippur, but there is very little that cannot be managed that way.

While this has been a traditional transition point, reflecting back, making corrections, preparing to move onward without actually moving onward, I've been too preoccupied with other things to regard this as a meaningful break for me personally.  That usually comes at mid-year and late-year when I do my semiannual goal setting.  Still there is a benefit to having a communal break point, one stacked with good intentions, interruption of animosities justified and not, a remembrance for people close to us who are no longer at hand.  One day out of a lot of days to escape meal preparation, to trade the pageantry of work for a more traditional formality, to not have chores that cannot be postponed until the sun sets the next day.  While this is not vacation, it is a diversion that separates yesterday from tomorrow.