Antisemitic Gay Pride

Gay Pride Week

While I've always looked at this as a civil rights application, I may be a minority.  Always could be challenged too, as the opinion has remained static but the experiences that reinforce them have not.  This week, what I perceive as civil rights has encountered a clearly antisemitic interface from within and external animus from people who are running out of groups to hate without reprisal.  I may be more of a centrist though probably not a good umpire if it means accepting the antisemitic components.

My own history arrives in packets, there being no ongoing reason to revile anyone or protect anyone.  The first exposure that I remember involved a few snickers among friends.  A junior high teacher had been unexpectedly suspended and amid rumor, homosexuality emerged as the reason.  Never confirmed.  He was never my teacher so I lacked any incentive to say he does his job well or that this is as convenient an excuse as any to remove a man who lacked professional skill.  I think he disappeared.  This being my teen years of the 1960's, out of site, out of mind.  Everyone I knew had some interest in girls though my crowd tended to begin dating more in college than high school.

I did not know any gays in college either.  Not that there weren't any but they escaped my attention.  As I proceeded onto medical school we had one effeminate professor who we wondered about but for all I know he was married with a family.  The subject never arose again.

One turning point came at about mid-residency.  I thought I would have to move out of university housing at the end of my second year.  In anticipation I scheduled vacation for the final two weeks of the contract year.  My expectation proved correct and I arranged for a new apartment to which we moved in June.  That left me with two weeks of vacation and my wife between the end of her visiting professorship and the start of her post-doctoral position.  At the time, airlines, whose fares were first being deregulated, started advertising bargains to the west coast so my wife and I agreed to take advantage of this.  We flew to Los Angeles, enjoyed the glamour of the entertainment industry and the mansions, drove along the coastal highway to San Simeon and to extraordinary scenery, settling in Berkeley which gave us easy access to San Francisco by public transit.  It was there, for the first time that I encountered openly gay male partners.  Some were effeminate with smooth faces, some make-up, attended hair but male clothing.  There were partners walking on the streets holding hands as I did with my wife.  In the restaurants the servers were similarly effeminate.  I had no emotional reaction, to my surprise, perhaps.  It was not quite like going to the zoo to look at biological specimens, more like visiting a foreign culture that I had read about but never actually seen.  Little did I realize that what would become AIDS was beginning in that place at that time.

As a VA hospital physician on the east coast, AIDS made its appearance in the mid1980's, a lethal disorder with opportunistic infections.  The VA had its share of gays, perhaps even more infected from shared hypodermic needles.  This now became part of history taking.  Yet, unlike San Francisco, had I seen any of them at the mall, none would stand out.  My role was clearly to treat infection and its end organ involvement so I really did not involve myself in much social history other than some drug abuse referral.  Not long after, I began fellowship.  There are some subtle endocrine features of AIDS but they are generally subordinate to the more dramatic infectious, pulmonary, and oncology events so I really didn't see any.

On to solo practice.  Even covering colleagues on the weekends, no AIDS, no visibly gay people.  It changed forever, though, when I signed up for a Facebook account.  I had read about this fad-like opportunity as a feature in the NY Times when visiting NYC for a weekend.  I jotted down the information on how to sign up, and did as soon as I returned home.  My attraction, as that of many others, was to reacquaint with the old friends from years back, mostly high school, a little college.  Many of us had been chums since kindergarten, separated by college, and never expected to contact each other at any subsequent event other than a high school reunion.  Facebook changed that in a week.  Within a short time I had sent a share of "friend" requests and received a similar share.  The service, once the high school was identified on my profile, would select out potential people who might be familiar and we would offer each other contact.  The flurry continued about a year, then hit a steady state with minimal additions, though some deletions for death or irritating political postings that appeared in excess.

One old friend, literally a fellow kindergartner, had achieved a distinguished career, including his name on the credits of some TV shows that I watched regularly.  He had some interesting educational experiences, retired from his primary occupation a little earlier than most of us, started a post-retirement business with equal enthusiasm, and had established household with a male partner which he maintained for about the same duration as my traditional marriage.  I had no reason over our entire childhood to detect any social difference between him and anyone else in our group.  He was still one of us, a schoolmate, a cub scout with his mother who took her turn as Den Mother still alive and functioning as she approached 90.  Instead of his name appearing on the credits, as his new business entered a popular niche, he would appear on the screen or as a guest in a widely trafficked location.

That was likely my transition point.  I would never do anything to hurt this kind, accomplished friend.  As AIDS moved from lethal to chronic and gay expanded from discrete outside a few metropolitan centers to a more open LGBT pride that we have now, the presence also moved from don't ask/ don't tell to something more contentious.  We have protected age, religion, race, gender in the workplace, housing and military.  Running out of people to look down upon never really happened, but the ability to deny them public access did, except for the gays.  Equal access and opportunity is something conceptual.  Steadfastly refusing to participate in any activity that would incur harm to a personal friend resets the position differently.  Torah is subordinate to Derech Eretz.  I miss enough of the mitzvot, that I can forgo any that might require me to harm a friend, let alone other people's friends.

Since my first visit to San Francisco, I've been there a few additional times, including once after reconnecting with my only known personal gay friend.  The community is still there and with steadfast support of a population that while mainstream would also never betray a friend.  These men, and probably women, seemed less visibly on visits there subsequent to my first time there.  I don't know why.  But they are no longer a curiosity.  They are people who contribute economically, engage in charity and in religion, probably shop at better stores than I do, take good care of patients if they are physicians, and advance science.  On behalf of my friend, who I would never harm personally, I would never harm these people collectively either.  Though for the same reason, I discourage antisemitism from any source, particularly one that diminishes itself by taking the position it did,

Those Goofy CUFI'S

For a while the Rabbi had taken his seat among the Christian Right, most notably an organization called Christians United for Israel.  They would send emissaries to AKSE, our Rabbi would travel downstate to address them.  We both support Israel.  I like watching football on TV.  So did President Nixon.  We were not really allies.  I think you can find commonality in some form if you seek it out in most any pairing, some important as support for Israel, some relatively trivial like football.  These things express a value system but they are not the value system in themselves.  The real value system may be the agents that you choose to enable grander projects, some benevolent and some quite ugly.  CUFI in many ways is antithetical to the Judaism that I was taught in Hebrew School, Ramah, and what I have gleaned on my own many times over since then.

It's been a while since any of them sat in our sanctuary or chapel on a shabbos morning.  They get a comment of praise from the Rabbi when they come, as they should.  They made an effort to be with us, to share what commonality we might have, and in their perspective they think they are probably more of an ally than they really are.  And we have an obligation to welcome visitors and express Derech Eretz.  But there is also a reality, sometimes expressed and sometimes understood tacitly. 

Lenny Bruce used to do a shtick where he would list objects or concepts and label them Jewish or goyish.  Bagel-Jewish; ice hockey-goyish, etc.  AKSE-Jewish; CUFI-goyish.  They've not visited us in a while.  Wonder how many others have taken notice.  I do not miss them.

Blank Canvas

Our new secular year has commenced.  Predictions and good intentions at the outset have a way of being faulty before long.  With good fortune having come my way, there seems to be relatively little that I need that I currently lack.  More energy and motivation, perhaps, but no material items.  A better future legacy than I've amassed thus far, perhaps.  Professionally I've gotten into the groove, given up my futile inclination to make Electronic Medial Record keeping compatible with optimal medical care, contenting myself to toss a few harpoons at the management that salutes this mandate and the non-participants in medical care who harbor a delusion that it will accomplish something other than what will really accomplish.  But there are things of personal gratification that can be accomplished.  After some pondering of what I value and what the realistic opportunities seem to be, I afforded myself twelve things to pursue.

1. Beer

While I lived in walking distance to America's largest brewery and took advantage of the proximity by walking there periodically for the Anheuser-Busch tour and tasting room, this was beer ordinaire.  As resident in Boston with a fondness for an occasional treat at Legal Seafood, a mug of suds would usually accompany supper, with the bar offerings for this expanding my culinary horizons.  Eventually a craft industry developed while importers made available choices that had been available elsewhere for centuries.  And it's not a particularly expensive adventure as creature pleasures go.  There is no reason why I cannot sample one that I've not had before twice monthly, once in a bottle at my own table and once at one of the growing number of places nearby that have extensive offerings that I could not possible sample in their entirety.

2. Professional

I work in an inner city taking care of primarily diabetes.  My folks do pretty well but there are a lot of statistics to suggest that their outcome under the best of circumstances lags behind where it might have been if their ethnicity and economic standing were different. I am in the perfect place to study this and my own professional Endocrine Society has an initiative to make resources available.  Unfortunately, the Endo Society is dominated by academics who are more interested in why they cannot get minority research subjects into clinical trials than they are in why they fail to derive maximum advantage from what exists for their care now.  It's worth a try to get some funds and absorb a resident into this type of project for which our patient population may be a prototype for a very large medical opportunity.

3.  Family

I do not neglect my family but they seem to work around the odd moments more than having pre-arranged time to do things together.  The priorities on my to-do list seem to need some revision.

4. My Blog

This past half-year, it was my intent to make my blog a forum for Jewish laytzanos with some medical cynicism thrown in.  In the process, I explored the world of Jewish blogging.  To my pleasant surprise, mine seems to have a niche with a largely untapped audience of potential participants.  The genres come in a number of forms.  The most consistently funny and appropriately cynical comes from www.frumsatire.com.  Heshy writes a lot more frequently than I do and his wit attracts comments.  His draw, though, is a limited Orthodox perspective that lobs its share of darts at misconduct and hypocrisy.  The other genres come from a mixture of Rabbis who want to teach something or Conservative cheerleaders of various types who cannot understand why they are experiencing an affiliation crisis.  What seems to be missing is my perspective of people who are loyal to ideology but look at the leadership as a mixture of operators and buffoons not up to the task of matching the Jewish excellence that people seek with the actual experience of participation.  The Pew Research study suggests that the people affected by this type of disillusion and desire for something more engaging might be huge and currently unfulfilled.  I have to figure out some better way to attract readers and engage in electronic sharing of ideas.

5.  Loyal Democrat

Among Will Rogers' many political quips, "I am not a member of any organized party — I am a Democrat."  For most of my voting life, I've looked at the political branch points much as I've functioned as a physician.  There is a problem to solve or decision to make, look at the options and pick the one that seems most likely to succeed within the bounds of Derech Eretz.  Umpire, Judge, Doctor, Scientist.  It is what it is.  Sure there are elements of competence and elements of morality that influence choices but until the past ten years, public positions that fall into the category of evil in America have been increasingly marginalized.  But wicked as a concept seems to be having enough of a resurgence to justify some effort at resisting it or at least pointing out what it is.  From the days of Amos and Isaiah, it has been unseemly to accept people of title who victimize vulnerable people in the name of expediency or social order.  That any support exists at all for denial of science to get votes or policies that deny people their due participation by placing stumbling blocks moves me to become more of a partisan in the other direction.  While my region has become solidly Democratic by affiliation, with even the elected Republicans for the most part staying a step ahead of venal, that is not true other places.  I have to offer my help in some way this half-year.

6. Writing

Among the things that intrigued me this past year was the Pew Research study on Jewish trends in America.  I might be the poster child for this and my declining shul might be the organizational prototype.  I am loyal to ideology, less respectful of the organization that brings these principles to public expression.  Since the release of the report, I've read a lot of hand-wringing from the depleted organizations but not a lot of accounts from the very people like myself who voted with their feet.  It is an experience that needs to be expressed in the right forum

I have also become something of a neo-Hellenist these past few years.  Denominationalism has declined.  There is an inherent beauty on Friday nights at the local Reform congregation.  A recent Orthodox wedding I attended reminded me that this can also be an enduring connection to Jewish life.  Exposure to quality knows very little ideological distinction as the Jewish Hellenists, the Jewish Iberians and those who rejected classical Orthodoxy in the 18th century in favor of Hasidism which advanced the value of each individual taught us from time to time.  Another idea not publicly expressed often enough.

And I've not contributed to the medical literature in a long time.  Need to remind everyone that life as a doctor has its glories and its frustrations.

7. Weight

A recent visit to Happy Harry's gave me access to a digital scale for only $9.99 so I bought one.  My weight recorded at 167 lb.  In the last two years I've had to move to the next size shirt and replace some pants.  My tailored clothing hardly gets worn but it still seems to get me by.  I'm more tired than I think I ought to be.  My feeding habits differ considerably from the advice I give to the chubby folks who visit my exam room.  I need to get serious with my health.  This takes a lot of forms, but for the most part, things that get measured get accomplished.  While I could keep score on medicine use, lab results, or clothing size, weight seems to be the most consistent measure.  It is also a byproduct of the efforts that promote other facets of health.  So for Day 1, I ate breakfast, went for a walk, shopped for a waffle maker that I did not find at a suitable price but at least it will help me shift some calories to earlier in the day.  Target weight by July 4th: 155 lb.

8. Shul

AKSE and its leadership have not endeared themselves to me this past year.  To keep my interest in Jewish things afloat and at a superior level, I accepted the logo of Engaging/Embracing/Enriching for the presidential delusion that it is and either took a sabbatical for six months or went on strike, depending on perspective.  But I read, commented on people's blogs, wrote to authors of things I read, resumed a weekly Parsha review.  Basically, replaced the things the shul should have been doing with other forums that advance me better.

We had a mandatory congregational special meeting a few weeks ago to vote on the Rabbi's contract extension and deal with the reality of nobody wanting to be left holding the Congregation's bag as President when the music stops not too far into the future.  While it had been my impression that I was the last critic still there, with the final remaining handful of loyalists who want to preserve the memory of better days until the lights go out for the  final time.  From the comments from the floor, largely by members of long standing, the dissatisfaction with a marginal experience that is not realistically marketable to the larger community seems broader than expected.  After the meeting I responded electronically to the three people who made the most substantial comments, responses of very little optimism.  While reversing damage may take some doing, it is possible but needs some fundamental revision of how people think, undoing the Peter Principle that dominates the Executive Committee, and having the congregants insist that the place function like a university instead of a Hebrew school even if it means making the Rabbi a figurehead or mascot.  I will try to identify and fulfill two needed projects that really are engaging.

9. Dad

My father died intestate in 2009.  He had a small amount of assets, too little to make a material impact on me or my brother, though probably would be welcome by my sinister.  I was the only child who remained connected to him for his final two decades, so I never felt much urge to pursue this.  I really should close the chapter, distributing the funds as the laws of Florida require.  I will get an attorney to take this over or it will never get done.

10. My Refuge

The mortgage has been paid off for decades.  If I wanted to get a Christmas Tree, which I obviously don't, I would have no realistic place to put it as there do not seem to be vacant corners anywhere.  I do have a few spaces that I could call my own.  There are two desks, a large one in what was supposed to be a study room but has become a repository for whatever.  And a smaller desk in a corner of the living room that really is mine.  And there is my bedroom, or at least my half of it.  At the moment I would call it half a queen size bed where I sleep, read, use my tablets, and groom in the adjacent bathroom.  There are other things that I would like to do there other than store stuff.  Making this half-room really mine occupies an important goal for the coming six months.

11. Guests

While I very much need private space, a lot of the decisions I made for my house in the thirty years I've lived here were predicated on creating a welcoming public space.  Our open houses have been two celebrations of childbirth and shiva for three parents and one gathering for my fellowship comrades, plus some birthday parties.  We have good living room furniture, good dining space, a fully equipped Kosher kitchen with my own culinary skills enhanced gradually over time.  But no guests to share this with us.  Since goals need to be specific to allow measurement, I set a quota of four guests in the ensuing six months.  That means I have to make the public areas more presentable first but I do not anticipate much difficulty with this.  Finding guests and occasions may pose more of a challenge, but four does not seem that many.


12. Day Trips

Several years back I allotted one day per month to visit a place I've not been previously.  My efforts took me to the Jersey shore on and off season, the Yuengling Brewery, Gettysburg and regional wineries, Maryland's eastern shore, the Poconos, and elsewhere.  I acquired a special liking for tours of odd mansions turned museums.  In addition to the interest that the sites create, this also becomes Me Time.  Getting to these places takes some planning, affording me a couple of private hours in transit in my car, with the ability to stop en route pretty much at whim.  I could count on this time set aside for myself.  Since I have no plans to expand my shabbos morning attendance at AKSE beyond the current twice monthly, I should be able to insert one of these day trips each month to boost my spirit as it has done in the past.

Twelve projects this time.  All with specific end points, none requiring significant hired assistance.  All creating a sense of accomplishment that can be a little elusive at times.

Orthodoxy on Hold

Notice of suspension of shabbos services at the Brandywine Hills Minyan arrived second-hand, as I had unsubscribed from their list-serve after a few initial notices that I found offensive.  The first notice indicated that on the advice of one of the Gedolim HaDor of Philadelphia shabbos services would be suspended to avoid adverse consequences to an unnamed individual.  The followup note indicated that services would resume monthly on the shabbos preceding Rosh Chodesh.  I suppose the Grand Rebbe of Philadelphia approved victimizing somebody in a more limited way, using a waning moon instead of a full moon, allowing three weeks for the victim to lick his wounds before the next assault, and inviting him to Kiddush lunch on the week of his ignominy.

For some time I have been an individual member of the Orthodox Union, reading their quarterly magazine, learning some weekly Torah in cyberspace from their Executive Director Emeritus, looking for the U in a circle on the products I purchase.  They have a problem that a mainstream orthodox community in Wilmington could help remedy.  Hard financial times have hit their community in the big metropolitan areas, including New York.  It has created a new class of poor, people who were used to having stable ample incomes but no longer do.  In the meantime, two of the central New York means of employment, the banks and the law firms have created important niches in Delaware with a certain amount of stability and prosperity.  The challenge would be to develop Jewish institutions here, which already exist in a Philadelphia commuting distance, so that these people displaced in New York can comfortably relocate their families here.  For millenia Jews have relocated to take advantage of economic opportunities, from the traders who found their way to central Asia and India to the oldest Jewish community in continuous existence in Rome to our current vibrant and prosperous populations in America's largest cities.  The economic opportunity inspired pioneers, the needed institutions followed.  That same process continues now.  The President and Executive Director of the OU have each written in their Jewish Action Magazine and spoken in public platforms how they have traveled across America to small communities that maintain a loyal commitment to Orthodox mainstream practice amid its local challenges, though not engaging in one-upmanship with what they find around them.

But instead of real orthodoxy, we had a therapeutic trial of the trappings of orthodoxy without its essence.  A self-appointed Bulshitzer Rebbe who not only had the hat with the biggest brim, but the biggest head to fit inside, as its champion.  Its banner was never how we can enable people but how we can rid ourselves of the inferiors at AKSE whose rabbi made decisions we did not like.  Anyone who has ever been immersed in real orthodox Judaism would pick this out as selective nursing of grudges more than creation of the something sufficiently inviting to become a destination in its own right.  Derech Eretz Kadmah L'Torah.

Maybe there will be a place for OU style Judaism beyond the Chabad Shaliach who has advanced Judaism in my area in the proper way.  there is certainly a public benefit to be derived, whether through modification of what exists now at AKSE, Shop-Rite, Federation and Einstein or creation of a more separate form of loyal opposition that maintains a level of Derech Eretz far ahead of what came across from the current communications.  I think the OU has a stake in supporting the real thing and will when begun in the proper spirit.