Perking Up to Settle Down

Coffee at my side.  FB Roulette 18 making this an avoid day.  Oil level in car adequate for travel.  Just a bit damp out but not soaked.  And I'm feeling better, almost at baseline.  All systems look OK for a day at the beach, most likely Cape Henlopen which offers me a fishing option.  Rod in car too.

There's loneliness, which I have, something that stings a bit.  And there's solitude, which I also have, something welcome, though maybe too abundant of late.  Fishing from a pier with other anglers or challenging some UVB light to penetrate sunscreen puts me in something of a pseudocommunity with others who want the same things but don't interact.  And then there's the synagogue which is a real community that interacts but stagnates when it does.  Neither is really vibrant, each has some beneficial purpose.  And then there's FB and Twitter, designed for interactions ranging from rapport to provocation. Best to leave Tw aside and FB entry random, like I've done.

Challenging couple of days from physical and to a lesser extent emotional strains, coming under better perspective.  Finish coffee, do some loose ends, leave for beach mid-morning.

Been Abandoned

This week it had been my intent to visit the Everglades, a badly needed vacation.  I can see gators online.  I can get food from the supermarket or takeout at home.  I can even make my bedroom warmer with a space heater.  What I couldn't do was access different people.

It's not for not trying.  I sent notes to two friends not accessed for a couple of years.  Neither responded.  I've been shut out of any synagogue planning though some other people have finally taken some responsibility for more inviting programs.  I was supposed to help decorate a storefront but they went ahead and did it without me.  

Even my FB friends have tired of the platform and moved on to something else.  Those who remain are personable enough but they largely pitch their political hardballs amongst each other.  OLLI classes have concluded.  I like the small weekly afternoon group, the closest I get to a conversation.

That's not to imply desperation as I can be pretty productive left to myself.  But I have the good fortune of deriving some benefit when others express what they think when I get to respond.  That's a lot different than typing the 140 character allotment of Twitter or some unilateral thoughts on Disqus when a published article merits my thoughts.  It's just not beneficially interactive, and more often red meat for trolls.

I am left to myself.  I am also ultimately responsible to myself.  Forums for interaction are not absent, just more difficult to exchange.  So Hillel seems right.  If I am not for myself who will be for me?  Looks like nobody.