Reconsidering Shabbos

Since Covid-19 closed the synagogues, shabbos has been very different for me, some elements favorable, some increasingly destructive.  This has been magnified by the Holy Days.  First, I stopped driving and never used the computer or cell phone except for medical care obligations when I was working.   I did watch TV and listen to the radio, still do.  When I was working I used to go out for breakfast Saturday morning, a residual pleasure that started when I needed some alone time to study for upcoming Board Exams but remained as a respite destination for the remainder of my working years.  I stopped doing this at retirement, redirecting my mornings at the Hollywood Grill to an obligatory breakfast required for platelet donation.  When shul on shabbos morning disappeared, I didn't miss it.  I could stay home, see what's on TV, scrounge some breakfast or at least make keurig coffee.  No FB or email intruded.  I would read some, snack some.  Longer stretches, including some Thursday-Friday-Shabbos yom tovim became more of a sensory deprivation experience, leaving taste of eating as the connection to reality.  I got pretty bored, not realizing how dependent Covid-19 made me on the screen.  I still maintained scheduled exercise those days, a variant of pikuach nefesh, with an electric timer, but amid overall designated sloth, I found the chore of schlepping onto the treadmill more of an intrusion than destination or break from boredom.  And worst, I spent much of the day horizontal, some in a lounge chair in My Space, but too much on the living room sofa, or worst of all, in bed.  A reasonable 45 minute nap at mid-day became two hours, disrupting sleep for the next two days. 

Rosh Hashanah afforded me services both days, requiring 45 minutes of attentive driving each way. Even so, the absence of screens gave way to the horizontal posture again.  Yom Kippur services were more tentative due to possible rain, but they went on as scheduled.  Good thing, because I'd have gone stir crazy not eating for 26 hours at home.  Taste may be the last portion of sensation that survives these screen-free stretches.

Just as a matter of my own health, this will not do.  I am going to have to go somewhere each shabbos or yontiff.  The screen has always been suspended, but until Covid, it comprised far less of my usual day than it does now, greatly magnifying that sense of deprivation.  Going to shul occupied the morning.  Even if I didn't go, I would drive somewhere, maybe attend the West Chester University football game in the afternoon, and on occasion make a day of it by driving to Baltimore for Beth Tfiloh in the morning and some Baltimore area attraction afterwards.  What I am doing now is probably a form of false piety, not driving largely because I have noplace to go than a genuine desire to enhance shabbos.  For my own protection, this really cannot go on.  I will just have to decide what forms of exit from my house remain compatible with shabbos and yontiff.