Acting Rammy

As much as I adhere to sleep hygiene recommendations, including a fixed waking and out of bed time, I found myself wide awake more than an hour earlier.  Not being the least bit tired, even eager to get on with my day, I arose, engaged in hygiene, planned my week as I do each Sunday, and hopped onto the treadmill at a faster speed that was prudent much earlier than usual.  I reduced  the treadmill speed by 0.2mph, went on with my most important task of opening the determination of my monthly social security benefit which fell beneath expectation, drank coffee, and moved onto the mental portion of my day. Whether distracted by my irritation and need to appeal the social security verdict, which will make a permanent impact on my discretionary spending options, I did not recover any semblance of attention span.  My half generated ideas from the previous week stare at me, unable to refine them.  I lack t he ability to create purposeful sentences let alone link them in sequence.  Physically I feel restless, rammy, maybe approaching a funk.  Setting the timer for finite down time has not restored me.  I feel a little impulsive, like I want to be in motion but not in thinking mode.

Rain hasn't helped.  This would have been a good planting day.  I did look up planting schedules and seed placement options for my front door pots.  Not a good camera day.  I'm too restless to read or even watch my DVD on electronics which requires some attention or to listen to a Modern Scholars topic in progress.

I know I will need to address the social security appeal, enlisting my financial advisor, but I will also need to recover documents that led me to think I would qualify for more than they offered.  Best to create a fixed time dedicated to this later in the week.  But for the rest of today, I need to be as finite and specific as I can be, working with a timer, doing some of the DVD, and isolating one partially written essay for completion. This may be a reminder that when I set out my weekly pill container, resuming half strength citalopram at mid-week was probably a wise choice.  Likely I saw this restlessness, often with an abruptness to my personality bringing me to the edge of sarcastic hostility, as something generating insidiously for a while but affecting me more now.  I will have to isolate and define activities in order to do them, though I've been in this circumstance before. Planning my time away with a defined date  can help.  By week's end, I will have a proposed time away.   Social Security payment has priority but it also allows me 60 days to assemble my case.  Some focus on my deteriorating disposition, even with some pharmaceutical assistance, looks like the best option for reversal of my current funk.