FOUR CONSECUTIVE EVENS

 

Neither Facebook nor Twitter have yet gone the way of Sermo, the social media platform for physicians, which I successfully abandoned about two years ago.  As I approached three weeks or so almost devoid of participation in either, short of a birthday greeting or a comment about seeing somebody on TV, mostly I’ve not been there.  Tossing around ideas for optimal return, one that keeps me in control though not total control which got me too absorbed, I chose to spin a virtual roulette wheel early each morning.  Even I stay off, Odd I set the timer for 25 minutes and use that as my box of interactive time.  Statistically, that would keep me On just under half the time.  As it turns out, I’ve not returned yet, with all four day’s spins landing the virtual marble in Even slots.  No excuses for my part on not respecting randomness.

While it is unlikely that any of my FB Friends or Twitter contacts care one way or the other if I ever sign in again, and I also feel ambivalent, the two platforms have algorithms that in their own impersonal circuit driven method would like to see me resume typing away again.  It began with email messages notifying me that my children had posted either a comment, photo, or memory.  Would I be willing to miss out?  This time yes.  Then the notifications expanded to include others with whom I have exchanged only friendly comments, those ceremonial though sincere wish you wells for birthdays, vacations, or other minor landmarks.  To my surprise, there are a handful of people toward which my comments have had real content, a measure of machshava or analysis.  No notifications from anyone where my responses have required discernment have gotten selected by the grand algorithms.  And since for all practical purposes I am never hostile in my feedback, their automated methods had no way of capturing my return with the lure of ire.  I didn’t take the bait, even when provided by masters.  But for sure, the Best and Brightest who make it to the FB payroll will channel their talent into various attractions that get me to sign in and express myself through the keyboard or emoticon icons.  Without seeing their screen, I have no way of seeing any words from their sponsors, even though avoiding their sponsors, already largely ignored or asked not to return, had zero bearing on my original intent of a few weeks’ hiatus.

After three weeks, I find it surprisingly hard to define what really prompted me to set the social media forums aside.  I had not really neglected anything I found truly important like my adult ed courses, a certain amount of writing, scheduled exercise, prudent grocery shopping, or even using my access to TV and cyberspace to enhance my mind in a way that social media just doesn’t.  I didn’t feel exasperated with my contacts either.  I rarely send any contact to Herem, that is exile, for views that conflict with mine, though I am much less tolerant of relentless sloganeering in the absence of justification for those views.  Having a justification for the positions you take is just something I personally hold in high value to the degree of looking down on those who evade this.  There are people unfollowed, not many, only one ever who I knew personally Unfriended, and a few others snoozed when comments got a bit beyond my rather tough, mostly tolerant hide.  I did snooze somebody who I really did not know personally for some progressively overt racist statements but I can say I did not want to be bothered more than I was offended or angry. 

What I think I needed more was an escape from the lure of having to be amid the comments.  They range from pleasant congratulations on the new grandchild to more substantial analytical statements of postings from highly accomplished friends.  I just found the need to respond, really more a desire than a need, a distraction from other things I should be doing instead, even though I still managed to allot time to do those other things.  My priorities needed a tap of the reset button and got it.

Many others before me have described their times of separation from the lures of social media in general and Facebook most specifically.  I did not feel any separation anxiety or FOMO, Fear of Missing Out.  I didn’t miss out.  I did feel a smidgen more in control of my habits and in control of my activities.  Unlike Odysseus, I did not have to request anyone tie me to a mast as the lure of Facebook turned out a lot less alluring than the Sounds of the Sirens.  While I always have a fondness for the people I once knew, many of whom I got to know better through social media reacquaintance, I did not really feel deprived of their company.  Certainly not so much that a Facebook message on my personal email that somebody close to me had posted something would reverse my decision to steer clear of their platform a while longer.

Now I let virtual roulette offer a random thumbs up or down to signing aboard for each day.  The first four came up evens and the fifth a 00, with Odds allowing me back on. By now I already have a good grasp of everyone’s political druthers.  I know who likes to cook, who will be eating out a lot, who will greet us from a faraway place, and who likes their pets more than their neighbors.  In some sense, my cohort of about ninety constitutes a tribe.  We probably do not count as an evolutionary driven band of people whose association enhances personal and species survival.  More, we are like a fraternity, people largely assembled based on age and school district mingled together without our specific choosing but still eager to maintain friendships that have endured, and sometimes progressed, long after that relatively involuntary gathering has ended and we have dispersed geographically as well as via individual experience.  They are entirely people of merit, even when their comments irritate.  Being among them remains satisfying.  Insatiable causes harm, satisfying prolongs rapport.  Eventually my daily spin of the virtual roulette will land the ball at an odd number.

Post-Vacation Sloth

Been home from a couple of days in the Poconos about 2.5 days.  The purpose of the time away was mostly a form of escapism, some wineries, some eating out, no housekeeping, and one visit.  All accomplished.  Mostly uneventful drive home, some two hours, followed by legitimate resting up, as sleep did not go especially well.  My next two days did not reflect any desired post-vacation vigor.  To be fair, the following day I had some real tasks, submitting an article, making shabbos dinner, returning to the treadmill after a day off.  All done by 11AM.  Maybe go to a park where I could sip coffee.  Forecasted rain started drizzling onto my windshield shortly after departing my house, not enough to soak my car, or me if I got out, but enough of a deterrent to return home.  I could have gone for an overdue haircut but really didn't want to.  And FB Roulette came up EVEN at 32 so no goofing off there either.  So instead, I had some minor satisfaction that always comes with submitting my monthly Medscape article and contented myself in the revived recliner that sits in the center of My Space.

And a lazy shabbos followed.  Treadmill done, my only tangible accomplishment.  Most of the day reclining in My Space, reviewing what I had and had not done during the week and how the coming week might move me along a little better.

This coming week has two initiatives.  My every ten year surveillance colonoscopy is on schedule for the end of the week.  And in June I plan the activities for the second half of each year while trying to tie up those not quite finished initiatives of the current half-year.  It went better than most but still a few things that require me to return to checklists and focus.  Still doable.

Travel Expectations

My hotel did not seem to offer coffee.  No mini-brewer in the room with pre-filled pods to make your own.   None in the lobby.  There was a Dunkin Donuts outside the front door, perhaps also owned by the Choice Hotels franchisee, which probably explains this, but I've not been to a hotel that does not offer coffee in the morning to its registered guests in recent memory.  And I needed some ultimately supplied by the Sunoco station across the street.. 

Finding suitable places for lunch and dinner took more effort than expected.  All small places, lunch wonderful, Irish pub for supper not.   And two good breakfasts at independent places, one best classified as a pancake house though neither my wife nor I had pancakes, the other a bakery. 

Time away also requires something to do that you cannot do at home.  We don't have a swimming pool at home.  Theirs was too cold.  We do have wineries but each strives for uniqueness.  The three we visited did not disappoint.  Scenery can be difficult to assess.  Interstates pretty much all look alike, at least region to region.  This time we travelled over the Pocono Mountains which we could tell were substantial elevations and valleys.  Wine country took us through rural areas but also some very prosperous appearing houses suggesting sources of new money.  And the main town still had a vibrant downtown with stores, restaurants, boutiques, parking scarcity, and for some curious reason a whole block devoted to small law firms with the municipal building at its core.  A branch of the state college system stood at the adjacent town, which may explain why everyone in the town seemed of my children's generation.  This enhanced the trip.

Motorists do not like hassles.  The Pennsylvania Turnpike divested themselves of toll collectors.  Instead of taking a ticket and forking up some bills at the exit, now you just drive through the lanes while they photograph your license plate and send a bill.  Much better.  On the other hand my GPS calculated that the best route from winery to hotel would include a small section of New Jersey interstate.  The rule of New Jersey, which is really a peninsula that requires motorists to traverse a bridge or tunnel except at its northern border, has been that you can visit New Jersey for free but it you want to leave, which is the majority sentiment most of the time, you gotta pay.  Our one interstate exit snookered us for a $3 toll.  Gasoline was plentiful but more expensive than at home.  Highway construction did not seem intrusive.  There were fewer NASCAR wannabes than I expected sharing the interstate.  My GPS could use an update, but the Waze app on my cell phone more than compensated for the lapses in GPS.  No big travel problems.

So for the most part, my couple of days away afforded the change of scenery that I desired though with a little fatigue.  It had a mixture of high points that were not very high, annoyances that were not all that annoying, and something of an eagerness to resume where I left off at home.

FB Roulette

It had been my expectation that I'd be back on Facebook by now, though in a controlled way. Since my own control, or its limitations, made previous usage excessive, I opted to keep some of this out of my control.  To assure randomness of return days, I start by spinning a virtual roulette wheel while sipping morning coffee.  Facebook days follow an ODD  number and avoidance days follow an  EVEN number.  Five spins thus far, first four EVEN, fifth 00.  My friends will just have to wait a bit longer to receive my input, not that any really miss not having it. 

Didn't Last Long

Staying at home for Covid-19 safety seems to be transitioning from what we do to an analysis phase that should generate a fair number of PhDs over a number of social and biological sciences.  I still cope with boredom mode at times.  Early in the pandemic I would go to stores, not that I needed anything beyond  but at least there were people milling around and I could protect myself with recommended public isolation measures while there.  Over time I stopped, partly for waning interest, partly for shift to online shopping for the few things I really needed or wanted other than groceries, and partly for an observation that the stores had less on their shelves to look at.

But now we emerge, with a real trip planned within a few days.  What better time to visit the Dollar Store even though I really didn't need anything.  I wanted to get away prepared.  I already have enough grooming products.  Can never go wrong with another set of $1 ear buds.  I really needed another cannister of coffee creamer.  But most of my $13 total went to munchies which I hoped would last for the ride to the Poconos but didn't.

Among my great successes these past few months has been modifying my diet to promote weight reduction.  No squishy bread, potato chips, 2 liter soda bottles, or cookies, though an occasional treat of a Big Gulp from a convenience store.  These happen to be the very items that Dollar General can purchase in bulk for a song in order to retail for a dollar.  Sardines at least have protein.  Unfortunately only one brand had a kosher certification, unusually absent on canned fish, so I only got one can, which turned out a great disappointment bordering on disgust.  Then Mrs. Freshley's discounted donuts and yodels, each packaged as four reasonably generous servings per box.  The amount of fig newtons that you can get for a dollar has gone way down so I got a package.  And fruit bars and discounted cheese crackers, all kosher certified as dairy and all pretty much consumed in three sittings.  Nothing to take on the trip unless I return for a refill, which I won't.  Weigh-in weekly on Mondays.  See if lasted longer than I though at the next session before I travel.

Getting Away

As the pandemic restrictions ease and I find myself too solitary, I thought it would be a good time to seek different scenery for a few days.  My wife agrees.  When gets determined by our obligations to be a specific place, for me none, for my wife Monday and Thursday evenings.  That leaves a block of time in between, two nights in hotel speak.

With the need to make reservations later today, that what to do where remains unsettled.  While I drive a short route most days, to a park or along the main public thoroughfare, just to leave the house, driving to more distant places that I used to just turn on the car and go seem more of a chore.  The New Castle Farmers Market last Sunday seemed farther than I remember it.  Walmart has become a minor schlep.  I used to drive to OLLI's campus a few days a week.  Just a few days ago I opted to visit the public golf course nearby and found the drive an imposition.  A destination three to four hours distant, while a welcome respite, has acquired its elements of imposition.

We tentatively chose our destination to center around local wineries which I thought would take us anywhere in a 200 mile radius until I looked at the winery maps and individual web sites.  In Pennsylvania and Maryland, they don't cluster quite as I had hoped, except within 100 miles of my home.  Moreover, many of the more rural places do not open during midweek so it looks like wineries alone will need an activity supplement of some type. I probably could arrange visits with people on Long Island or metro NY but the expense is prohibitive relative to what  I can do in Pennsylvania and Maryland.  

Hotels make for interesting choices.  As much as I might like splashing in an indoor pool, it adds about $20 premium above places that don't have one.  Really not worth it for this.  I will allot two days at my state's beaches later this summer.

Or we could go to the Jersey Shore where they have wineries and other things.  It's a lot closer than Central Pennsylvania or Maryland, ample motel options right before their season with other shore attractions.  Could be a reasonable alternative.  Or maybe a day trip later this summer when more of the attractions are open.

For today, just reserve to be someplace else during the coming week.

Blank Mind

As I grapple with Middle of the Night Insomnia, the recommended Sleep Hygiene action that I neglected most has been to set a time limit on returning to sleep.  I have more often than not acquired one more sleep cycle but usually quite a bit later.  This additional 60-90 minutes makes or breaks the following day.  Last night I resolved to follow the advice, departing for My Space and the comfy recliner in still looking at the clock a just over a half hour later.  Not succeeding in slumber, I arose for that lounge chair in the other room.  Formal guidance recommends either reading or watching something not requiring much focus on TV so I turned on an episode of New Scandinavian Cooking which Andreas had devoted to chocolate.  I remained awake to the end.  Then transfer the screen from Infinity to Netflix.  I don't even remember what show I ordered the remote to display but that's my last recollection until awakening two and a half hours later, or one and a half hours before my wrist alarm would signal out of bed time has arrived.

Most likely I really fell asleep, probably two sleep cycles.  If I achieved REM's dream state, I don't remember.  In fact, I have no recollection of that time at all but when I awoke Netflix was still on the big screen TV with some modern equivalent of a test pattern.  I remember nothing after switching from one TV format to the other.  Sleep science affirms that the mind becomes more restorative than absent during these intervals, yet I have no sense of the many dangling elements of my waking mind that achieved resolution this morning.

I returned to bed, remaining horizontal but mentally aware until my usual out of bed time, which has almost never been my real wake time.  But I feel mostly OK, as if those two additional sleep cycles really took place.

Don't Forget

Somewhat mixed Shavuot.  This can be an overlooked holiday.  I haven't been to a Tikkun L'Eil Shavuot as they are really not that in my community.  More either our Rabbi or in recent years a series of local clergy with or without their own congregations each giving their 20 minute presentations.  My congregation opened in its new home.  I didn't go.  The abbreviated format seemed too much like Junior Congregation.  In its stead, I watch Shavuot Services from Hampton Synagogue on JBS.  Mostly the Ordinary, almost no Proper, except the Torah reading of the Ten Commandments and a portion of Hallel.  Ruth and Akdamut and Yizkor give this festival its uniqueness.  All absent from JBS.  My shul apparently did Yizkor both days as attendance limitations required advanced sign-up with people, often elderly, encouraged to choose one day or the other.  Most would have chosen Yizkor if were only offered on the second day.

Hampton's Rabbi did a masterful D'Var Torah, though, one of great insight, pointing out the distinction between Remembering, or Zachor, and Don't Forget, or Al Tishcach.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Sd0bT8UGZk  

He indicated that we have monuments to commemorate our past, such as the Temple Mount and more obscure places whose disappearance or low profile moves us forward, such as Sinai whose place is unknown but whose Revelation shapes our beliefs and conduct.

I'm not sure Remember and Don't Forget really segregate quite that way.  We have Yizkor which is largely a remembrance of our personal lineage, but the Torah portion also had Zachor as the commandment for Shabbat, which certainly can be looked upon as either a weekly culmination or as a reset button in time moving head. And for Amalek, we get both, erase the memory and don't forget.  Or maybe that's more of what Rav Av was trying to convey with his Confederate Statue analogy, we erase the heritage of systematic abuse of people but move ahead by not forgetting either the vulnerable that exist today or the injustices that Constitutional Amendments and Civil Rights legislation only partially address.

And Shavuot food offers a small measure of uniqueness to the Festival even if the synagogue did not.  Lasagna in the manner of Artscroll's first sponsored cookbook Kosher by Design, and blintzes with cottage cheese filling using a cookbook mainly to affirm the portion of eggs to flour to milk.  Was going to make Gooey Butter Cake but only have the recipe online and neglected to print it prior to yontiff.  

Good to have Pesach, Omer, and Shavuot completed.

Completing the Omer

Last night counted #49, a full seven weeks from the Second Seder, mostly a Torah commandment to count with a Rabbinical opinion on when to start.  There are rules.  As for quite a number of years, I counted with a blessing and closing each of the nights, this year setting my watch alarm to remind me at a time well after dark.

Despite my growing disaffection with things and organizations Jewish, this particular ritual has kept me committed.  It was once challenging to remember but the automatic buzz on my left wrist has remedied that.  I even interrupt what I was doing, usually upstairs, to go downstairs where I keep the daily count calendar to recite the blessings, the day, the week and day, and the closing, even though I could do this at my computer from My Space.  Guess I need my rituals, some anticipation, some measure of task completion.  Our Sages have commented on what the daily upward count is supposed to do for us as individuals.  I don't think it makes me stronger, it doesn't really make me anticipate wanting to receive Torah, its end point.  More, it is my willingness to stop what I am doing for a couple of minutes without fail, to fulfill an obligation that is more personal than communal.  Whatever my thoughts and experience about the public Jewish experience, definitely not one of my life's high points, being at least one of Judaism's silent partners, or really slightly less than silent with the daily blessings and count, still retains its importance.

Assessing Failures

With roughly six weeks to go in my six month cycle and about half of that before I need to begin sorting the initiatives for the second half of the calendar year, I need to look at what went well, what didn't, some of the things I did in lieu of what I had intended, and the unforeseen.  Hidden on the page opposite the check marks and x's are how I feel about the various outcomes, as the review does not fulfill its potential if fully objective. 

My gardens have taken form.  I have a system for logging expenses each month.  I've done it reasonably on time.  I slacked off on doing the quarterly summary even though I took an OLLI course in Excel which should have taught me how to do this.  I still can.  My social security deposits should begin this month.  Have I made two new friends?  Depends on how you keep score.  I think so, though friends from a distance.  I did not do as well either nurturing friendships that I already have and engaging people in person.  I purchased two Great Courses, watched the one on Photography, even taking out my point and shoot in a more purposeful way.  The second course on electronics has been more of a struggle.  I slog through but probably will not get it done by the end of June.  If I want to really benefit from it, I will need to repeat the session as I would a college course and do the exercises.  Those were the purchased Great Courses, as this initiative went into my PURCHASE category as planning took place at the close of 2020.  I also borrowed two Great Courses, one on writing a novel where my desire to really do this lags, and the other on the Dead Sea Scrolls which I completed by pacing the fourteen half hour lectures over three weeks.  I read more than three books, parceling the categories of what I planned to read.  My weight and waist likely will not have reached target by the six month conclusion.  Despite this, I changed my diet for the better, rarely feel voracious, and with rare exceptions have kept to my treadmill schedule, though the targets of intensity did not fully progress.  I feel mostly better.  And I think I have a few organizational affiliations, though none strong.  I have presented to the Christiana Senior Physicians Group and actively participate in the presentations of others.  Delaware Medical Volunteers got me to sign up but real participation in the absence of liability protection more secure than what I perceive it to be may be a barrier.  And the Jewish Historical Society never developed for me as a participatory organization.  I have obtained a Democrat Committee appointment which I intend to take seriously.

Those have mostly gone well with lapses.  It's the aftermath of failure, its assessments, its upgrades, that generate character.  Despite my rational brain, I remain envious of people who outperform me.  I shouldn't but I do.  And there are a lot of those people.  I also resent being left out, though I do not really have a lot of control over being excluded, just a response, which is usually to divest myself, mostly with an element of resentment.

So now the failures along with how I have coped.  It had been my intent to visit each of my children.  My son relocated in driving range so that might still happen, though my wife really does not share my desire to get away at all.  We won't be going to California, either.  Nor will I get to visit historical mansions, mostly made unavailable due to Covid-19 safety.  From my own emotional perspective, what I really wanted from each of these was less the destination than the journey.  I have been at home, not gone anywhere, opted not to visit the Everglades last fall when I could have as a rational assessment of personal and spousal safety, so I still feel largely vacation deprived.  Moreover, I lack a partner who shares this feeling. If I have a concept of fun, also largely subjugated by Covid, it may be puttering around a place I've not been before.  In St. Louis I drove through neighborhoods.  In Oakland I varied my directions as I walked.  At home, I've driven to Joe's neighborhood where my betters live, this time admiring but not at all resenting their displays of wealth.  If I cannot get to the elegant mansions, which I have sampled virtually, I can still partake of the less familiar, starting with First State National Historical Park and Tally Day Park, each nearby yet neither previously visited.

My biggest failure to come through has been in public expression.  My Medscape submissions go out at the end of each month but only one has been published.  I wanted to write three articles for publication, and almost have, though without a destination for an editor's consideration.  And my book goes in boluses, making me wonder how motivated I really am.  With FB off, my blog entries have gotten more consistent in appearance and maybe a little more elaborate in content.  I really do take advantage of recording what I think, but have not be proactive about sharing my perspectives.  I still have another six weeks to isolate this lapse for better attention.

Updated Lab

Platelet donations have been on hold a while.  This has been among my most extended, gratifying contributions, interrupted when my desktop Hb fell below their threshold of 13.0 g/dl in a consistent enough way to have the lab confirm this.  At 12.2 g/dl on a random specimen, the desktop hemocytometer was apparently accurate.  Two months have elapsed.  I feel OK and it was time to have my periodic lab testing done anyway.  After NPO the Hb measured 12.9 g/dl.  While borderline, and done in a semi-dehydrated state which the Blood Bank does not allow its donors, it seems close enough to make another appointment to see if I can return to the donor corps.

Other lab testing did not seem worrisome at all.  Technically I classify as low grade CKD but the creatinine has not changed in a meaningful way.  My LDLC calculated, not really measured, to 83 mg/dl with full compliance with rosuvastatin, which I probably ought to suspend for a week to see if my achiness changes.  Do that next week.  Normal urine.

In effect, nothing worrisome or even in need of additional investigation, though it would be well to consider things that detract from how I feel that do not appear on screening lab testing.  My sleep has improved with minor intervention.  Achiness can be assessed with a selective drug holiday.  Sinuses have responded favorably to resumption of nasal steroid which I keep in my line of sight next to my laptop to assure two sprays early each morning.  Back on citalopram.  I've noticed that I'm less distracted and maybe have a longer fuse but not a great difference.  Maybe I'm not quite as sharp in some of the higher reasoning insights but discontinuing it right now does not seem the best choice.

Have to see if the doctor contacts me or trusts me to assess this on my own, though I have a Medicare Wellness Assessment not far off.

Refreshing Coffee

It's lab day.  I made an early appointment for which I went NPO, generally feeling worn and coffee deprived but mostly OK.  En route to the lab, I considered whether I should follow with breakfast at a diner I wanted to try or go to a place just for coffee.  The session went flawlessly, other than inability to provide the urine they needed at the time, so I took the cup and headed to the Brew HaHa.  It being a little chilly I preferred to purchase it for indoors consumption but they are not yet offering that so I just left.  While there is a restaurant that serves breakfast across the street, one that seemed open and always provided me a decent breakfast on past visits, I opted just to head home.  Egg over easy on pumpernickel came out well but on a cramped table surface I knocked the hot coffee, almost the entire cup, onto my right leg and environs.  After wiping with a paper towel, I just went upstairs, changed pants, and rested a bit.  When able to make urine, I filled the cup, dressed into a warmer shirt, and delivered it to the lab.  Then off to Panera which I know was open with indoor options.

Their coffee options had changed, price largely as I remembered it.  Ample tables available with Covid-19 compliance.  One 20 oz. paper cup later, Colombian dark roast supplemented with a packet of brown sugar and a splash of almond milk, I picked a table isolated against a wall.  I had taken some paper and a pen, intending to jot some notes, but on reaching into the pocket of my replacement jeans, I had not transferred the pen, so back to surfing my cell phone.

By mid-morning, dressed a little more warmly with a jacket, I then headed outside for the last 3/4 of my coffee purchase.  Good decision.  While my view included mainly the parking lot, the rest of the ambience supplied what I needed. No paper, no cell phone.  Had this been on a city sidewalk I would have done people watching much like Rick Steves likes to do when he sips a beverage from a café on his European travel shows.  I could focus on the coffee, now optimally cooled to allow larger sips without guzzling it.  Just a few sips at a time, relaxed in a chair at an outdoors table with nobody else around.  Like I would have done on vacation.  As good a reminder as any that I need a vacation, or at the very least a comparable café to sip coffee

someplace else.

Essay Whiteboard

 

MY WHITEBOARD

Measuring 29 x 29 cm, my whiteboard has since its acquisition always held an honored place at my line of sight when I gaze left.  In my final office before retiring, it suspended by its upper enclosed metallic ring surrounding a red plastic push-pin on my corkboard.  I could see the whole square.  Now it attaches by parallel magnets to of the exterior of a four-drawer metal file cabinet to the left of my desk in My Space.  A goose-neck lamp clipped to my desk surface obscures the lower left corner.  This segment has no writing utility, being imprinted with Avandia in its logo green letters with an equilateral red triangle pointing down in the groove of the V of this once widely prescribed and heavily promoted thiazolidinedione, of blessed memory, a pill for insulin resistant diabetes.  If it lasts centuries, which it might due to its Avandia green plastic frame, archeologists can try to place its date in the late 20^th century but contemporary mavens of modern culture can assign it to an age when doctors like myself received a lot of medical kitsch, now about twenty years ago.  This promotional item retained its utility.  As a reminder to prescribe this drug by its brand name, it has long since lost its value.  As a reminder to register what I am about and what I need to pursue each day, it remains timeless.  The sage Kohelet of the Old Testament knew enough neuroscience to realize that “the wise man has eyes in his head.”  What we see, particularly when we take care to seek out the important, our visual focus creates our mental focus.

This treasured vertical flat surface with mostly unused clips and magnets for notes keeps me verbal.  I divided its surface into zones.  Its lower third has remained blank, a place for the empty clips and magnets, also made of pharmaceutical advertising.  There I deposited a single small paper with a security number that I will need to communicate with Social Security.  The upper two thirds contain meaningful writing.  On the right there are two four-word entries, the upper in English, the lower in Hebrew, each a different marker color for each word.  The summary of Mayor Bloomberg’s guidance to my son’s commencement class of 2008 won its place there the day after the ceremony.  It has not changed.  He advised the graduates to focus on their individual personal

·        Independence

·        Honesty

·        Accountability

·        Innovation

Some five years later while reading Rabbi Sidney Schwarz’ anthology Jewish Megatrends, I added the Rabbi’s four desired attributes, Hebrew on the board, translated here:

·        Wisdom

·        Righteousness

·        Community

·        Sanctity

There they have remained, thought about in some fashion most days.

In the center I added two insertions: a Hebrew DerechEretz which reminds me to remain courteous to all people whether they merit it or not, and a brief quotation from a TED Talk on writing: I remember the time when…  Ben Franklin advised remaining civil to all, enemies to none.  Since he did better than me, I need the reminder. We are the composite of our experiences, their contexts, how we responded to them at the time, how we allow those experiences to upgrade us.  Judaism in particular depends on memory. We remember Shabbat as Commandment #4.  We introduce Shabbat each Friday night with memory of Creation and of Exodus.  We all have those times when… We do not always allow those experiences to move us ahead, thus the daily reminder in my central vision. 

The left third of my whiteboard has a list of twelve initiatives that change at the end of every June and December.  What I want to accomplish, really intermediate goals that must remain coherent with the core values listed on the right third of the whiteboard, remains in my sight daily as I start nearly every day except the weekly Sabbath by deciding what activities would make for a good effort.  These are also color coded:

·        Red: Financial or Family Projects

·        Blue: My Living Space

·        Green: Projects filling my identity as a physician.  None for this half-year

·        Black: My personal development.  8 of 12 are listed with black marker this cycle

There is a theory that languages with vowels are read from left to right which puts their ideas into the analytical left hemisphere, while non-vowelized languages such as Hebrew are read from right to left, which forces us to form ideas from context as well as letters.  Our visual tracking puts this preferentially into our right cerebral hemispheres where we derive our emotional connections.  My whiteboard has a mixture, as does my formal and informal education.

Those are the mechanics that outline a blend of identity, principles, pursuits.  While I made a reasonably successful effort to stand aside from our American political fray, avoiding the temptation to demean anyone verbally, standing amidst our civil meltdown caught me as a victim along with everyone else.  I look at intersectionalities of political position more than I did just a few years ago.  Sometimes my opinion of people I don’t know defaults to disrespect, and not the amusing Rodney Dangerfield kind.  People have started to register in my mind by what they espouse, not the worthy efforts they might put forth.  With that framework, and not neglecting my own views which no doubt generate parallel poorly considered reactions, I went back to each item that puts my mind in perspective each day to assess how partisan each really is. 

My white board effectively divides left and right.  Unlike our political ideologies which are also labelled left and right figuratively, my left and right expressions are more literal.  On the left I have proposed actions, on the right and center, in two languages with different perspectives, I have abstract values that frame the daily tasks.  As much as people increasingly take a binary view of what they stand for, the daily pursuits, at least mine, have a consistent universality.  There is nothing partisan about nurturing a garden, visiting children, tracking expenses with the intent of better financial prudence, creating friendships, banding together with others in organizations where the target beneficiary is not self, maintaining health, or challenging my intellect.  However somebody else may imprint one of their labels or slogans to me, on most days we each do something because the effort generates joy, we take pride in our families with the expectation of forthcoming nachas, we know what our doctors think we ought to be doing and try to comply, and do our best to generate the funds we need for our responsibilities or aspirations.  Partisanship rarely arises from this task column, for me translated each evening into specific desired tasks to pursue the following day. For every troll who takes a written poke at me on our increasingly toxic social media, there is a more stoic person, sometimes marking with a red cap what is beneath that red cap, taking care of his home, acting in a courteous manner in the workplace to people he will slander with his computer later that evening, walking on a treadmill, or planning a vacation to a state whose citizens vote differently.

Those right and center placements on my white board, things that have resisted any modification from the time they were first written more than a decade previously, reflect more indelible and highly particular imprints.  Independence means no temptation will get me to blithely slogan somebody when I should be using my higher centers to assess circumstances.  That’s important to me, not at all essential to others who are more inclined to never challenge their nearest person of title.  Does it segregate by other elements of partisan ideology?  I think it does.  Mayor Bloomberg advised the graduates honesty.  I think the commitment to something like that really isn’t generated at University commencement, though.  Honor systems abound in schools and in the workplace.  Violations are few, but not so rare that they never occur.  And while people tend to maintain stage 1 of an Honor System by not cheating, we don’t do as well with stage 2 that requires reporting of cheaters.  Our political divide does not seem at all equal in willingness to come down on wrongdoers in their midst.  But with whatever tribe you select for yourself trust remains highly valued, and not particularly ideological.  We assume our credit cards will debit only what we authorize, our doctors will have our best interests in the advice we receive, other drivers will not abuse the orderly flow of traffic.  Yet, our tolerance for violators of honest does have its element of political intersectionality.  Accountability may differ as well.  Much of our public discourse has focused on blaming the opposition and scoring points with the faithful when that happens.  That negates accountability.  And I think the two partisan poles are highly unequal.  Willingness to exploit people’s vulnerabilities has its intersectionality.  Trustworthiness is one of the most fundamental of The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People that captured more than a few paragraphs by Dr. Stephen Covey in his landmark best seller. In many, trustworthiness portends success far more reliably than a degree from charm school, which may be why one group of voters seems more professionally accomplished in their distribution than the other.  And Mayor Bloomberg cited Innovation.  The challenge of college was to share common sets of facts but move in different directions from them.  The great innovative enterprises and the people who devote their efforts to advancing them are simply not uniformly distributed across America. 

The values that I wrote on the whiteboard in Hebrew have similar divides.  Chochmah, or wisdom, cannot be obtained while screeching slogans.  Tzedek, or righteousness, poses more of a challenge.  I think when a natural disaster occurs someplace in the world, people of all backgrounds offer their assistance, whether by personal relief efforts or generous contribution.  What differs, though, seems to be the assessment of the recipient.  We all help.   We don’t all help because the recipient is our equal.  I think that’s where the intersectionality of righteousness plays out.  It plays out more starkly in the willingness to harm somebody.  Most of us won’t.  In the early days of Facebook, as my high school chums reassembled to give updates on the forty years since graduation, most of us had families and a measure of prosperity.  One highly accomplished classmate introduced us in cyberspace to his gay partner, subsequently formalized to his spouse when that became his legal option.  This fellow had a very distinguished creative career, appearing in the final credits of many TV shows that I watched.  We go back to Cub Scouts, where his mother, now in her 90s, volunteered as Den Mother.  I had no reason to consider one way or the other whether he was gay.  His partnership approximated my marriage in duration.  Would I ever do anything that would hurt my friend?  Not a chance.  Would I resist somebody with fewer Gifts from God demeaning him in any way?  For sure.  That’s Tzedek.  We strive for it in large part because it is not set as a universal priority. 

Kehillah or Community often has a mixed message.  Some loners such as Burt Shavitz, the Burt of Burt’s Bees, valued his solitude yet became an icon of non-materialistic purity.  More commonly, though, we encounter people who either lack community or latch onto one devoid of personal contact through cyberspace.  Mass shootings tend to come from lone wolves, at least in America.  Misplaced but very real community can go awry as well.  As Lord Rabbi Jonathan Sacks noted in an essay in response to a British election, “Anti-Semitism, or any hate, becomes dangerous in any society when three things happen: when it moves from the fringes of politics to a mainstream party and its leadership; when the party sees that its popularity with the general public is not harmed thereby; and when those who stand up and protest are vilified and abused for doing so.”  Community shares purpose, though not always benevolence.  Moreover, community is continually being repackaged, a fluid arrangement of associations in which people frequently change their geography, employers, political affiliations, preferred places of worship, and numerous other shifts in loyalty.  Absence of community, as Judaism teaches, is dangerous in its own right, but people banding together does not by itself generate either cohesion or stability.

Kadusha or Sanctity forms the basis for inner peace.  Unlike pornography which one of our Justices knew when he saw it, we appreciate holiness more viscerally when violated.  For most of the past three millennia, religious codes have carried this banner and still do, though in a very fractious way and with enormous inconsistency over extended times.  Certainly, evil has not been eradicated even when a universal consensus largely agrees on not murdering or stealing.  Dualism abounds with stated positions that seem irreconcilable from one sacred text to another.  Historically we have schisms within a religion, creation of new religions, definable sects within large faith umbrellas, and defined behavioral obligations within each group.  Things that I would regard as deplorable serve as behavioral mandates to others.  That leaves this value at best minimalist.  Don’t harm somebody when they are vulnerable, or in Torah terms, “You shall not curse a deaf man, nor place a stumbling block before the blind, but you shall revere your God; I am the Lord.”  [Lev 19:14] While the literal divine imprint to the commandment offers universality and permanence, I think most atheists would not take a different view.  There are, however, moral challenges that divide by tribe.  I can easily convince myself that my view of Wisdom is superior to an internet troll’s view of Wisdom. I cannot really say with equal certainty the divisive questions of when life begins, what damage have people done to Mother Earth, or even when doing something expedient is a better option than doing something because it is right.  There are no shortage of clergy or demagogues who have their own shows on Cable TV that have more certainty than me, though I clearly do not share either their espoused desire to act or their certainty.  Socrates lives on in spirit for exposing these uncertainties to sanctity without exploiting them as so many public figures generate their followers by doing.  Kadusha depends on living with the uncertainty but remaining consistent.  As I write my daily goals for the following day, none can undermine my concept of holiness.  Yet I have to accept that some pretty dastardly initiatives fall within other’s version of what their God or other deities, literal and figurative, expect of them.

So, there’s my visible daily guide hanging to my left on a white board with color coded prompts, the left column what I do, the right column what I believe that forms the foundation of what I strive to do.  The actions of promoting various levels of performance and responsibility have a very universal consensus that does not get mired in the ideologies which are more fractious.  Yet it is those very personal and particular foundational doctrines that generate each semi-annual goal. On the left, shared interests in family, learning, money, and recreation.  On the right, sometimes putting on armor to defend core tenets of myself and often my tribe, sometimes making a truce with others of different driving principles and affiliations who still generate their goals in ways that complement mine. 

 

 

A Recovery Day

Over-extended myself for Mother's Day.  Elegant dinner.  Some gardening.  A Zoom session with the kids.  A brief but largely regrettable return to FB.  Wrote to my Senator about litter at the new First State National Historic Park.  Finally too much cabernet sauvignon.  All followed by a crash and considerable insomnia.  I did manage at least one sleep cycle that I remember but definitely dragging today.  And gained a kg over two weeks on my Monday morning weigh-in after laudable reduction from restrictions at the supermarket.

OLLI completed its spring session, though I probably could still have managed a Monday morning discussion session.  Maybe a reduced treadmill session, too.  But coffee will need to take its effect if I am to make serious headway on the day's intended pursuits. 

Visiting First State Park

Despite having lived in Delaware for forty years there are still some places I've not seen, even some very close to my house.  Our Senator thought every state should have a National Park, ours being the only state to lack one, so with some influence one was cobbled together over several sites.  Two are historical locations that I had visited, one a nature area that I hadn't.  But now I have.  It lies at the junction of Delaware and Pennsylvania, in an area known mostly for DuPont family estates but the road not previously travelled took me past some preserved farmland and a functioning dairy.  The park itself has signage but not much else.  For the benefit of visitors, the National Park Service provided a small parking area along a placid section of the Brandywine Creek near a picturesque covered bridge.  Some picnic tables and a grill or two stand near the northern bank.  I do not know what is near the southern bank or how to get there.  A few crude trails or quasi-trails offer access from the parking lot to the river, which I looked over.  I didn't see any fish but saw a hardy swimmer near the far bank.  Fishing is permitted with a Delaware license, from which my age exempts me, but not within 100 feet of a swimmer.  

To my great disappointment, there was also litter, despite this being a carry-out park and an alcohol prohibited one.  Pizza and beer make for a quick picnic.  There were no litter bags in any of the dispensers.

Didn't encounter any wildlife either.  Will have to return with my fishing rod, or even give fly fishing another go.

Repackaging Community

On my Whiteboard, at my line of sight when I gaze left, is a column of core values listed on the right third in multiple colors.  It includes Kehillah, or Community, something that has challenged me, as my experiences when there have often prompted me to seek community someplace else.  I have my loyalties, though.  Banding together was probably an evolutionary residual to enhance the likelihood of personal and species survival, which it still might.  But as threats to defend become less, the willingness to trade off some personal autonomy wanes in proportion.  Defections from previously established communities have accelerated over about fifty years, quantitated in a compelling way by such works as Robert Putnam's Bowling Alone, now thirty years post-publication.  Moment Magazine recently examined the changing nature of community with comments from about twenty or so distinguished and accomplished minds.

https://momentmag.com/community/?utm_medium=email&utm_source=getresponse&utm_content=Why+Debates+Don%E2%80%99t+Solve+Problems&utm_campaign=Moment+Minute

Many of the swamis, as agency heads, focused upon and promoted their agencies.  Others took a more abstract approach to communities, including a co-author with Professor Putnam of a recently released book that offers contemporary solutions to the challenges that Bowling Alone exposed. Affiliations exist for the evolutionary purpose they always have, attaining security or compete amid perceived scarcity beyond what individuals could do for themselves. The process of assembly seems to me ethically neutral  though the social results are not, nor are the affiliations entirely voluntary.  Military drafts existed in the USA and still do elsewhere.  Most of us have a nationality or a religion into which we were born and for which some type of permanent imprint was offered.  Groups can be small like nuclear families or large like a national political party.  Most people seem to find more meaning, though, from being with identifiable people who can be recognized though the senses of appearance, voice, handshake.  Moreover, the second half of the twentieth century with its mobility and communication enhancements have redefined groups.  Geographic and employment mobility, less permanence to marriage, our fickle nature as consumers, transience of our ideologies, and the option of electronic friends whose interest overlap ours but we will never meet personally have all redefined our voluntary affiliations.

Of the various comments, the theme that captured my attention most categorized allegiance to a group either as a consumer of what that organization offers or as a contributor to the offerings.  As we recover from Covid-19 restrictions and my synagogue plans to reopen, I'm not ready to return.  They are not evil people, they just excluded me from development of anything meaningful.  Instead, the weekly email announcement comes as a menu of activities for me to select from their buffet.  I feel as a pure consumer, which gives me about as much loyalty as I have to which loaf of bread I prefer.  At my doctor's she needs to be in charge, but she cannot function professionally if I fail to provide the information she needs and volunteer myself for exam and lab work.  It's a partnership, though of necessity not an equal one.  She has my interest paramount but needs me to provide the information she needs to function on my behalf.  The shul has me more as an interchangeable customer, part of an attendance figure if they care to take attendance at all.

At the other extreme has been my favorable experience with the Delaware Community Foundation, a community resource that distributes funds for current benefit.  Ironically, I latched on when I attended a public presentation by Professor Putnam himself a few years ago.  After the speech, they solicited volunteers at tables in the foyer.  I thought it would be interesting to review scholarship applications of high schoolers.  They seemed appreciative of my interest, invited me aboard, and this spring I completed my third year of application review.  I take nothing in return other than a parking voucher.  My purpose for being there is entirely contributory.  The psychic dollars of what I do there far exceed anything I could possibly derive as a passive attendee of any event from the synagogue buffet, worship included.  People know when they do something important and they know when they are more convenient or inconvenient in lieu of important.  Not to mention the Kavod that comes with being invited to do something.

From a Jewish perspective, which is what the Moment Magazine forum focused upon, I had an interesting encounter with a venerable agency that does important work well.  They have an Executive Director of world prominence whose work I greatly admire.  Not being a great Twitter enthusiast, but finding it selectively useful, I put his comments as my premier Go To tweet, as they generally come by in the morning.  He generated a few comments, occasionally mine, never the hundreds that a famous author or entertainer or elected official would get.  Then one day I found the response option blocked.  Well, not really blocked but blocked to me and any other peasant he thought too much of a Nobody to be worthy of expressing a polite, though sometimes challenging remark.  He was very effective.  His feedback went down to zero.  I Unfollowed him, but opted to follow some of his younger subordinates who would often retweet the boss's message without the feedback exclusion.  But I very much resented being excluded that way.  I was no longer a contributor, other than financial, but a consumer of what he had to express on behalf of his agency.  He must have gotten some feedback similar to my thoughts, since when reconsidering a couple of weeks later, the restriction on having to be a Somebody to express a thought to his agency on his behalf had been lifted.

At present I am nearing the end of a respite from Facebook and Twitter.  I thought they would be communities, particularly FB where I knew all the Friends personally, nearly all from my high school, but over about ten years of subscription, people either established themselves as sloganeers, got fed up, perhaps resented the many successes that some of us have had.  High School comprised real people. While my close group was smaller than many, I knew everyone else well enough to carry an impression from forty years back.  Some reinforced what I thought, some enhanced my impression, some detracted, but a virtual community, even with a fundamentally fond common link, falls short of the real thing.  On Twitter I don't know the people.  Mostly I find them interesting but the exchanges of ideas have been minimal, mostly perfunctory.  I doubt if I will return there in any meaningful way.  The people on my FB list really were part of a viable community, some valuing me at the time, all at least tolerating me.  I always had my own niche, never a pure consumer.  And even on FB now, it's always an exchange of ideas, valued greetings for notable events, admiration for their achievements with no resentment on my part, and a little pleasant banter or electronic small talk.  It's community repackaged in a decent though far from ideal way.  I'll be back if I can manage my own presence more wisely.

Tackling the Quran

Last year I set out to read the New Testament from a Gideon pocket version that they were giving away at the Delaware State Fair.  Pacing four chapters a day, I got through it largely on or slightly ahead of my anticipated schedule.  It was very clear that reading this on my own in the absence of a teacher limited my comprehension or ability to select highlights, though the popularized segments seemed to appear early in the opening Gospel of Matthew.  By now I've read all the Old Testament, much of it as a similar initiative.  Torah had external guidance, though Prophets and Writings were read and paced similar to what I had done for the New Testament. For some of the Megillot I read a version that had commentary beneath the text.  Chronicles I and II remain to be read.

The Quran comes next.  I've embarked on this before but get hung up in Chapter 2, The Cow, which only really includes a small segment on the Biblical sacrifice of atonement, which I assume is the Red Heifer though not explicitly identified that way in the Quran text.  This chapter has 286 verses, the longest in the Book, followed by another of 200 verses on a founding family's statement of obligations.  That's each about the length of our longest double Torah portions, which manage to get publicly recited in a morning.  With a timer, I've finished that, proceeding to a slightly shorter discussion of the Quran's laws of women, which so far seem a little more equitable than what's in Torah.

Even in the early sections Muhammed targets the Jews of his day and his era largely for resistance to his message though with an element of respect for their adherence to their tradition.  He cites non-belief or remaining external to what he was trying to assemble, not for misconduct.  By then, the Jews worldwide were being marginalized, even condemned by the Christian church.  The early parts of the Quran seem to take the view that they deserved what they got, though a theme of the early chapters seems to be that Allah metes out just deserts to everyone.

There are a lot of chapters to go.  The Prophet seems to stack the longer ones at the beginning, perhaps hoping for a commitment to completion with the task becoming easier once the longer sections have been mastered.  Finishing those 286 verses of The Cow offered some real accomplishment.  Like the New Testament, the basic principles of Islam that reach universal familiarity to Westerners like me seem to be incorporated at the beginning.

Feeling More Rested

Much to be said about two additional sleep cycles.  Chronic middle of the night insomnia continues with a wake time of about 3AM pretty much every night.  Current coping techniques have included turning on the air conditioner when going to bed and enhancing nasal breathing with now generic fluticasone.  Whether I've been sleep deprived with impaired daytime functioning is less certain, though I do OK in the morning after coffee but need a respite in early afternoon.

Today I feel a lot better having returned to sleep for two additional hours, which would be an entire sleep cycle, maybe even two, with one that I could recognize as REM.  The AC off and down comforter on until the wrist alarm, which for the first time in ages I didn't even notice.

While I won't really know until mid-afternoon, I can tell a difference on arising.  I don't feel as dragging or as obligated to arise.  My spirit seems cheerful and I want to move along with the day's tasks, even before brewing the first of the day's coffee.  Perhaps nasal care and a cool bedroom are the new habits to maintain.

Should Do Instead

FB Twitter have been dormant for a week now.  I feel less distracted, less likely to interrupt something I'm doing to check what's new.  I've not had anxiety withdrawal or FOMO.  I also don't really care if anyone's missed my absence or even noted.  Did I do things that I wouldn't have done had the distraction continued?  So far probably not.  I have engaged in some drawing, visiting a couple of parks, returning to my colored pencils with an adult style coloring book, retrieved my putter and good driver, and made my bicycle suitable for riding though I might have done these anyway. On the other hand, I hadn't even though some have been on my task list daily.  A book came to my attention so I started reading it, but I've taken books from the Hoopla service before while still engaged in social media.  What may be different is that so far I've not timed my session with it to maintain a pace to completion.  I downloaded an English translation of The Quran which I always wanted to read.  The longest chapter, 286 verses, comes right after the short introduction.  With pacing I got through it, understanding why some of the references now viewed as Anti-Semitic appear upfront, but also why some of the most basic Islamic requirements such as Hajj and the annual Ramadan fast appear in the same chapter.  Don't know if I'll get through the rest of this.  For sure, FB would have distracted my progress on this long chapter, probably a little longer than our most lengthy double Parsha.

Those are the accessories, though, as is FB and Twitter.  The really substantial initiatives, other than gardening which has gone very well, still languish.  I have a Social Security appeal to prepare, writing that has not progressed from ideas to paragraphs, two trips I'd like to take but haven't, and a course by DVD on electronics that has not moved forward as well as it could have.  FB was not the distraction that inhibited progress on these.  My real degree of commitment to them might be.

At one week, it's been a good week off, something akin to a cyberspace vacation.

Garden Planted

This would be the year to have a great garden.  It became my HOME entry for my current semi-annual initiatives, one that I maintained.  The Aerogarden semi-flourishes though basil grow too high and coriander did not germinate at all.  but I've used the basil and tarragon, will use the thyme, though the dill seems more suitable for a garnish than a culinary herb.  Chia pots have been repetitive failures except for basil, which eventually outgrows the sponge and withers.  It has great leaves, though, much bigger than the Aerogarden basil which I think is the same seed.  Tried to grow tomatoes and peppers from seed indoors.  They sprouted.  Tomatoes failed on transplant.  Peppers transplanted yesterday.

Outdoor container plants have begun to sprout.  I bought spearmint and have uncontrollable peppermint from last year.  Made the largest pot into a multitasker:  dill, parsley, basil, thyme.  Germination has begun on all but the basil.  Made pots of chives and coriander, no activity yet.  Some flowers have germinated.  Sage and Rosemary from seed likely to fail in the outdoor pots.  Planted sage from seed in the main garden and bought rosemary from Richardson's Garden Center so I know I will have some.

For the backyard, I have two 4x4 blocks devoted to Square Foot Gardening.  After many years, I made the effort to enrich the soil.  Tomatoes and rosemary as plants, all else from seed.  One for herbs + two tomatoes, the other for vegetables.  So it's Dill, Sage, Rosemary, Oregano, Chives, Marjoram, Parsley, Basil, Thyme, and Cilantro.  For the vegetables:  Tomatoes, Peppers, Eggplant, Beans, Bok Choi, Swiss Chard, Cucumbers, and Arugula.  Some watering on schedule, maybe even fix hose reel to do it better.  Then some patience.  Hopefully with weed blocking fabric beneath and layers of nutrients above, weeding will not be too much of a chore.  And this year I need to do better with pests, something I usually neglect, and perhaps enriching nutrients along the way.

But mostly scheduling chores and patience now that the hard elements of enhancing the garden beds and sowing the seeds are behind me.

Mother's Day Approaches

Mother's Day has become one of those absolutes. You can pay the psychiatrist $250 every week to talk about her, living or not, but the imprint needs recognition, as does the person.  So after we've become Empty Nesters and my own mother's yahrtzeit passed the half century mark this year, Mother's Day remains a day of recognition.

I usually offer a gift, a not too extravagant one, more likely to be a special effort on my wife's behalf than a thing that can be unwrapped.  And dinner is a special one.  Choosing a card usually takes some thought.  All in the planning stage but high priority as the day approaches.