It's been a while since I lived alone for more than a few days. Approaching my 48th wedding anniversary. We've been apart for a few days at a time, mostly business trips. Even our hospitalizations have been few, local, and brief. Over that time, raising kids brought transitions. They were around, then they weren't. Sleep away camp for each, first one, then both. College. First one, then both, never to return as part of our daily household once they as they pursued their careers. Now their children, one arrived, one soon to arrive. One a five hour drive, the other a five hour flight. Our daughter needed Mom's assistance and support, as a sperm bank mother who also lives alone.
I dropped my wife at the airport, anticipating a five-week separation. I will visit the other coast with them in about three weeks, but the logistics of her apartment require me to stay somewhere else each night. Still, we can eat our meals together while we share newborn care that week. Safe arrival of wife with daughter confirmed.
That leaves me living by myself for a few weeks. I started immediately upon returning from the airport by making our bed. My wife usually does this. Tomorrow night I need to put the garbage bags and recycling in their proper bins, then wheel each to the end of our driveway. Another wife task.
My experience living alone is considerable, just not recent and never in a spacious suburban house that can absorb me with chores. Unlike my student days, I have few pressing deadlines and no externally imposed exams. I also have little desire to seek recreation as an escape, or maybe supplement, to assigned work. My semi-annual projects get pursued whether or not my wife occupies our house. Some of those initiatives, though, move through stages better with the assistance of a second person.
The list of twelve lies to my left on a whiteboard held to a file cabinet with a magnet. Writing to create and submit. Might consider a day trip. Not going to invite any friends for Shabbos dinner, though I would consider an unlikely invitation extended to me. Exercise, sleep hygiene, and prudent eating continue, though the eating part may need some decisions. And household upgrades, those decluttering or restoration projects, do not need a second person's help at their current stages. My wife's car could use some attention. I can do that.
Food will likely require some adaptation. Supermarkets do not focus on sole occupants of homes. Bread comes in loaves of more than a pound or as rolls or bagels in packages of six. Maybe move half of each package into a separate bag which can go in the freezer. Eggs come as a dozen. In recent years, I have only made myself one at a time, but I could expand to two. Or I could use four as a quiche or as a cake. Veggie burgers or Beyond Beef can be separated into individual patties. Frozen vegetables are easily apportioned. While I usually buy potatoes or onions in a sack of 3-5 pounds, they are sold individually. I have the option of buying one or two. Same with apples, oranges, and bananas. I've not seen milk sold in an 8 oz carton in a long time. I use almost none. Snacks, those munchies the doctor prefers I not consume, come in big packages. So does cereal. So does the ice cream that I buy. A 48 oz carton will last a long time. It may pay to spend a bit more per ounce and opt for a pint of Ben & Jerry's. Or buy a package of Klondike Bars or Sandwiches instead of a carton. Cereal, another munchie rather than breakfast food, comes in a big box. Coffee, my most common beverage, has many single serving options. K-cup by far the easiest, but I also have an individual Melitta cone and a one-cup French press. Oatmeal now comes prepackaged as individual servings. I know how to portion pancake mix to make a single large flapjack. I won't go hungry. I won't waste. What I create in the kitchen still needs clean-up. That does not change much whether I cook only for myself or for a couple. I very rarely eat out, though I did that more often as a student. My kids' generation orders take-out and delivery. I rarely do. Might I go out for a slice of pizza more often, or go to a coffee house, or the brew pub? Not on the plan, but it would not surprise me to default that way.
I know surprisingly few people who live alone. My wife's in-laws are widowed, her sister never married. Some folks from the synagogue, mostly widowed. We once had bachelors, though most have passed away. Almost no divorced people. They seem pretty self-reliant. Never asked any of them if people invite them over for Shabbos or even Seder and Thanksgiving.
On day 1, I foresee the challenge of self-reliance. Not having my wife with me at supper or in bed will not be devastating, knowing she is alive, active, and being infinitely helpful somewhere else. Our modern communication devices keep us in touch. I don't see myself compensating for a few weeks of relative solitude by doomscrolling on the cell phone or laptop. I have a firm concept and a realistic commitment to pursuing my semi-annual projects. I'll probably make more of an effort to find some people time each day, whether at a store or synagogue, to make myself more interactive in my wife's absence. But I really do not need significant surrogates to animate my empty house. Just some minor adjustments to living by myself as I once did successfully.
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