Some Alone Time

Several years back, I started treating myself to a few days of mini-adventure.  While I offer my wife a chance to join me, she has other things she wants to do.  Moreover, my two or three day outings sometimes challenge my determination.  I've visited Pennsylvania State University and surroundings during their deep freeze, not to mention some hazardous return driving.  I thoroughly enjoyed it. Not much campus, as they closed much of it, including the museums, in response to cold weather.  The town of State College offered some pleasant poking around, entering stores to warm up, buy a thing or two, while my glasses fogged from the abrupt temperature change.  And some nice brewpubs which I'd expect at a university center.

Another year I went to the Poconos, snow tubing at Camelback, refreshing myself at Aquatopia Indoor Water Park, driving around a bit, enjoying a somewhat isolated hotel.  Seasonal temperature rise that trip.

Maybe time for another, one of perhaps the same distance.  Something a little too far for a day trip.  I thought about eastern Long Island.  Have been to Hyde Park.  And there's Atlantic City, which is really more of a day trip unless I want to take advantage of pampering in a major Casino Hotel where rates plummet in January.  And there's Kalahari Water Park in the Poconos, though I don't know what else might be nearby.  Baltimore is more of a day trip.  Washington is a place I'd much prefer to visit with my wife in the spring, and perhaps lacks some of the novelty and even pampering that I seek for these couple of days.  Or maybe even Penn State again, this time with the campus more functional.

As a place to go, Long Island has some attractions.  Even out of season, though, staying there far exceeds any of the others I considered.   Snow tubing someplace other than Camelback would be another option.  While fun to slide down the snow, there was a lot of waiting in various lines to do it,  

I think I have to first decide whether I want to tour new places, or just have a few quiet days mixed with amusements and creature comfort.  Not an easy choice.

Restoring Sleep Predictability

At 1:40AM I arose.  Not only awake, but not the least bit sleepy, maybe about 3–4 hours after lights out.  Trying to return to sleep based on the clock would be a lost cause.  I went downstairs to the kitchen, being a little thirsty as well, poured half a cup of raspberry-lime seltzer, then tackled some dishes.  Mostly mugs that had accumulated but also my tall tangerine Swarthmore Latte cup and the beer glass that I bought myself on a tour of the Yuengling Brewery in Pottsville quite a number of years ago.  I returned the dry mugs done that afternoon to the closet, repositioned the ones that needed to dry more completely, returned a couple of dinner plates to the closet, and washed another load to include the Latte cup and beer glass, though I no longer had room to wash the porcelain mug with the seltzer and find a drying spot for it in my milchig rack.

Maybe TV would be better.  Netflix had a documentary on cats, amusing maybe, entertaining or enlightening, didn't seem so.  And The World According to Briggs on YouTube.  Looked at live TV.   By now the show times were within a few minutes of transitioning to the 3AM listings.  Another try at sleep seemed possible, so I shut down TV.  On returning to bed, I checked email, for which there was none.  Something taboo for me between 11PM and 5:30AM.  A personal transgression.  Cell phone off.  And successful return to sleep.  Biological clock nudge at 7AM.  Upright at 7:30.

Despite the wee hours, while really not very long, I did not feel sleepy in any way.  Everyone is familiar with restorative naps.  I wonder if there also might be a parallel restorative wakefulness, a break from sleep and the subconscious mental reframing it entails.  Despite the discontinuous nature of last night, I do not feel sleep-deprived.  Yet, as a matter of health, longer duration sleep seems more desirable than last night's discontinuous segments, so I'll see what the sages of cyberspace offer as remedies.

Six Months Ahead

They are set.  All twelve semi-annual initiatives.  A few carryovers, a few new directions.  All begin with resolve.  One might be a little loose on the SMART criteria, but all others overtly tangible and measurable.  I avoided projects of process, though some might be interpreted that way.  Primarily all have performance end points, I either accomplished them or I didn't.  Here they are.

Community:  Meaningful AKSE contribution.  This may be performance, though by the end of the half-year, I should be able to identify what those unique contributions were.

Self:  Read three books, distributed by fiction, non-fiction, and Jewish as subject and by traditional, audio, e-book as format

Friends:  Entertain three different guests on three different occasions in my home.

Health: Weight, Waist, and BP end points.

Mental: Submit three articles to editors for publication.

Long-Term:  Enhance kitchen skills.  This is really performance and hard to measure.

Frontier: Complete the first draft of my book that is good enough to attract recognition.

Home: My Space as my sanctuary.  This is hard to measure, but I could take Prof. Covey's advice of creating a conceptual final result, then pursuing what I do towards that end point.

Purchase: Complete travel arrangements for delayed anniversary trip to Europe.

Family:  Dedicate two sessions weekly to be with my wife.  This is really a performance goal.

Travel:  Visit each of my children.

Financial:  Place the appropriate assets in the Revocable Trust to avoid future probate.

That's twelve, allotted to what have become renewable categories.  Transfer to the whiteboard in my line of sight visible at a glance from my desk in My Space.  All very doable.  All within my current frame of motivation.

Movie & Chinese

Of Christmas traditions, movie and Chinese restaurant are latecomers, perhaps now too much of a calendar cliche nearing the end of its run.  I'm not a movie devotee, though I like last year's West Side Story reprise and this year's The Fablemans, both Spielberg creations of high visual quality.  One a classic story, the other perhaps a little too autobiographical.  The experience of going to the cinema has changed, in some ways for the better, in some ways a deterioration.  I remember something of an auditorium with a lot of people.  You paid your ticket, picked any open seat, watched a few previews of upcoming films and a few ads to induce you to purchase something of high markup from the snack bar, then waited for the feature, or for those of us old enough to remember, a cartoon or Three Stooges short movie before the feature.

It's much more stage now.  Far fewer people, multiplex format that gives a choice of smaller theaters with different movies playing at staggered times.  The seats are reserved.  Our row and the one behind us was filled, most of the theater was unoccupied.  Seats resembled high-end living room loungers that fully reclined, with a tray in front for the snacks.  Endless previews, no short feature introduction, and seating much more spread out.  Certainly better acoustics.  Lobby and snack bar empty.  No functioning ticket office.  Everyone reserves and prints their tickets from their devices.  In effect, you go to see what is on the screen, not to be among your classmates and neighbors as in days of yore.  People have good lounging recliners at home, reasonably big flat screens though not on the scale of the cinema or with comparable acoustics, microwaves that make decent pop-corn, two liter soda bottles with ice cubes in the freezer.  If being among friends or crowds doesn't add to the experience as it once did, then home viewing has a lot of advantages.  The marketplace may be expressing that personal preference for a lot of people, as the relative reduction in the number of fellow Jews who went out this freezing Christmas may indicate.

Chinese restaurants seem less plentiful than they once were.  The Covid-19 pandemic may have inflicted a mortal wound to some.  A few have become more Asian than dedicated American adaptation of Chinese.  Most are now small storefront takeout.  Ambience once required Oriental waiters, probably hard to find as the younger generation excels in STEM which draws many to some very lucrative opportunities that their parent's businesses could not match.  And restaurant staffing expenses have gone up, as has the price of food.  Our default Chinese restaurant must have had staffing limitations, as they shifted to takeout only this Christmas weekend.  Poor experience at a more upscale place last year.  I really didn't want to extend to more upscale Eastern Asian.  Indochina and Japan and Korea just aren't what Jews seek on Christmas.  We settled for a buffet around the corner, once cheap, now less so.  Once a Jewish destination on Christmas.  This year a mixture of many ethnicities, all looking for a place that's open primarily.  Wide variety of options, none excel.  Not all that hungry.  The real Chinese restaurant on Christmas really isn't that of dabbling from a buffet, a good deal of which I could make at home.  It is selecting something vegetarian that I would never make at home for lack of ingredients and patience.  One selection by my wife, one by me, a big bowl of rice, some tea in a pot with small porcelain cups that have no ear to grasp.  Some offer cocktails or beer from China.  And a Beckoning Cat at the front register, even though that really may be of Japanese origin.  Buffet just isn't really the Jewish Christmas cuisine or experience.  This may be my last year to seek it out

The real Christmas experience for Jewish doctors like me really isn't movies and Chinese.  It's being on call.  Giving colleagues special family time.  Reassuring patients in the hospital, if not making key decisions while services are less than full scale.  Bantering with nurses, cafeteria attendants, and housekeepers who would rather be home celebrating Christmas but either lack seniority or have empty households, yielding the special day to colleagues who have children or more plentiful extended families.  Petting the antler wearing German Shepherds that make security rounds with the hospital's Constables.  That's a much better Christmas experience than anything a Spielberg extravaganza or Wing Wah can offer.

Chicken Cholent

Assembled.  Chunks of onion, potato, celery, carrots at the bottom.  Seared chicken parts make the next layer, Then a half cup rice, can rinsed white kidney beans, splash of corn, and two chicken bullion cubes.  A shake or two of black pepper and poultry seasoning.  Can and a half of water using the can from the kidney beans.   All into crock pot on high for one hour, then low.  Stir mid-afternoon.  Serve at usual supper time.  Fridge overnight.  One more meal this weekend.  Portion the rest for future shabbatot.  Easy Peasy.  Chicken needed trimming, carrots peeling, celery washing.  Searing the chicken sets off our smoke alarms.

Small effort early in the morning enables a lot of other things during the day.  And my Daily Task List has a lot of other things.

OOB Mid-Morning

Illness recovery not as complete as I thought.  Last two days I functioned largely normally until bedtime.  Then coughing, wheezing, hard fought expectoration.  But no rest.  I had not taken any medicine to bring about the fairly normal days.  My Go-To generic NyQuil.  Cough suppressant, sedative, decongestant.  Off to the recliner in My Space, some gentle TV, then a night's sleep in the chair.  Awoke at what I thought was a reasonable arising time, not quite 6:30AM but still tired.  Returned to bed, still able to breathe without cough or other interruption.  Back to sleep in no time.  Wife had set radio, I noticed it was on momentarily but slept through WRTI's daily SouzAlarm, a feature played at 7:15AM each morning to prod people who needed to head off to work.  But I was warm and oblivious.  Next glimpse at the red numerals of the clock radio: about 9 AM, then 10:16AM.  Still wanted to avoid being left out in the warm, but got up, proceeding to some hygiene and coffee.

The illness has played havoc with my sleep patterns, something carefully nurtured over about two years.  I'll have to let the respiratory disruption resolve more completely, then reconsider how I'd like to reset my daily sleep-wake patterns.

Assessing Congregational Committees

Declining religious congregations usually have some means of changing their direction, not always, but definitely sometimes.  There is a literature on this, as well as ample online resources, usually from consultants to Christian churches which I reviewed for a PowerPoint I once gave for AKSE Academy on synagogue life cycles, but applicable to synagogues as well.  Do what you did that got you the way you find yourself pretty much invites continuation on the downward path, not always at the same rate, but not reversal to an upward path.  Restoration generally requires revision of internal structures, schecting a few Sacred Cows, and rehinging some sanctuary doors so that they swing outward instead of inward.

Some years back, maybe about twenty, our congregational officers sort of figured this out.  Board Meetings start with an assessment of income and expenses, always in the red.  Seasons end with a decision on a dues increase to offset the deficit, essentially fewer people paying more per family, until they max out and either depart or ask for a personal dues reduction.  The focus has always been on attracting more members, something that never really materializes in a way that augments revenue.  And clergy understandably want a raise with each new contract, though never take any measure of responsibility for membership attrition.  So the President, one with a day job in the financial industry, got the Board to authorize $3500 for a professional synagogue consultant to scour our policies and operations, then advise on how to best reverse our membership decline, financial constraints, internal operations, and public perceptions.  A senior consultant from Jewish Learning Venture did his analysis, wrote a report which was made available to the Board, if not to all congregants, then proceeded to Step 2, an Implementation Committee, which I was on.  We met two or three times with a facilitator, the daughter of a macher from the other shul across town.  As we conversed at small round tables distributed in our auditorium, I was not at all convinced that many people actually read the text of the report.  The facilitator realized that so she summarized it for us.  There are always external faces and internal revisions.  Recommendation externally, be what we are, which is Traditional, full liturgy, with clear gender distinctions.  Everyone knew what we are and a place that had already gone egalitarian decades before did it at the expense of reducing their liturgy to accommodate limited ability of their members to perform the full spectrum of Jewish ritual.  The internal face proved more difficult, as it involved taking a path other than status quo.  The consultant focused on our committees, a loosely structured collection of people doing different things with little formality, little accountability of the chairmen, which never changed, and repetitive submission of some very trivial activity reports to the Board as required each year if they were submitted at all.  

While our Implementation Committee met, I do not know if minutes were ever taken.  Not much accrued from our expense.  We have the same religious orientation that we did before, surviving two more sets of clergy.  Committees are loose, but at least we know what they are, as during a three day post-op lame period, I assembled a comprehensive list extracted from a mixture of weekly shabbos bulletins, monthly newsletters, and by-laws which mandated a few assemblages of people, though some defunct even then.  The President received the list, copied it onto our annual message to the congregation presented every Kol Nidre, and modified slightly from year to year, more activities disappearing than new one's coming aboard.

In my medical world, committees are the place where work gets done.  Hospitals need to make sure staff physicians are qualified so there is a Credentials Committee.  There are multiple pharmaceuticals that do the same thing, therefore a Formulary Committee minimizes duplications.  Residency programs require Education Committees.   In my Medical Society, I served on the Planning Committee that arranges the program for each annual meeting.  Synagogues have standing committees for Education and Ritual oversight, but also ad hoc Committees to select Board Members or recruit new clergy.  Places that sparkle and places that languish differ by the ability to bring talented, energetic people into projects.  That is where our congregational consultant assessed us, when we had maybe twice as many members as currently pay dues.  All the more reason to get people engaged.  People who have a defined responsibility tend not to leave.

Our current President, experienced with operations of a congregation elsewhere that had different internal operations and different outcomes assumed office.  He started by inviting people to volunteer themselves for a committee, providing not only the list of what they are, but a tab on the bottom to send in, so the committee chair could initiate contact.  I took the invitation, selecting my two from a list.  While we can argue whether volunteers are the best way to go, usually adequate if technical expertise not needed, then proactive invitation is better, the President responded, told me my selections both had the same chairman who would call me.  YK to Hanukkah is tad over two months.  No contact from the chairman.  The President did follow up with me.  So I asked him obvious questions that I'd expect an oversight officer to know.  Who's on these two committees, what do they do?  Other questions are better offered to the chairman, the important one being what would he like his committee to do but hasn't had the people to carry it forward?  Have either ever submitted a report to the board?  This is where formality and structure drives output.

I sort of know the answer.   I suspect the President does too.  Some committees have names but no people, no defined roles, no interest on the part of the chairman in doing anything different tomorrow than yesterday.  In some ways, like England in 1831, a place with Rotten Boroughs that sent men to Parliament but had no voters in what was really an abandoned geographic center.  Cleaned up by the Reform Act of 1832, but despite its obvious need, there was a lot of support for voting it down despite the tenuous nature of how Britain functioned at the time.  As I look at the committee list, keep my ear to the ground for what is happening, or at least what is disclosed to me via bulletins, we have our share of mostly harmful non-activity, from Nominating Committees that opt to keep spots vacant than to invite a few more people, including my wife and me.  I guess they assume Nobody is an improvement over us.

There's a certain blend of laziness, complacency, good enough, adaptation to routine.  That may be why the Consultant, who did the best he could, really couldn't change a culture.  That was 200 members ago.  They want new members and new participants, but as I found out from my volunteering initiative, perhaps not really me, or perhaps me as useful when they need bimah skill, but a nuisance with a nimble, challenging mind.

Head Cold

NyQuil, or generic equivalent did its job the last two nights.  It's cough suppressant qualities enabled some sleep with a hacking, largely non-productive cough which has accelerated over two days.  Serious nasal congestion.  No shortness of breath or pleuritic pain. No fever.  Some paroxysms of sneezing.  Not taken a covid test, later today.  But first some coffee, then a shower hot enough to make the bathroom and me each steamy.  All upper respiratory.   Perhaps even bacterial.

A couple of errands need attention.  Treadmill maybe, but likely skip today.  Usually these are self-limited.  Ride out today.  Call doctor if worse in the next day or two.

Seasonal Affectiver Disorder

It's been a few blue weeks.  Time in Florida didn't bring much reversal, except for the face time with old friends.  Retuning to a couple of setbacks in my lingering professional liability case and one more assault with my stolen license plate, now involved in a hit-and-run, just added more sadness than new irritation.  Fortunately the feeling of depression clearly preceded these and has no precipitating cause.  I will have to gather documents to show the insurer that the car they seek is not mine.  One more nuisance, but easily achievable.

Hanukkah begins.  Still have gifts to get.  Some cooking involved. This usually cheers me a little.  See if lighting the fireplace for the first time in many years offers some reversal.

I really want to avoid restarting the SSRI, which I never really took for depression.  From its calendar correlation, I suspect Seasonal Affective Disorder, which usually runs its course.

New OLLI Catalog

Within a week of the last semester's conclusion, the course catalog for the spring session has already become available online.  They won't accept registration for a while, though.  First the calendar.  Spring Break the last week of March.  Pesach yom tovim put me out of commission on consecutive Thursdays following the Break.  I also anticipate endoscopic studies the Tuesday before the Break.  So Thursday classes probably best skipped this semester, unless really compelling.

By now I have my favorite teachers, those people who always engage my mind and prompt me to expand with a question.  Sometimes I will opt for those courses even if there are other subjects of more interest.  I've learned to avoid instructors or classes with aggregate lecturers where I think agendas are being pitched.  Surprising number of these.  OLLI does not have a good way of flagging them, and even if they did there are people who want to sit in those echo chambers so they can nod their head with each Power Point.  I had my share of those classes, anticipate what they are likely to be, and register for something else. 

I am willing to take classes early in the morning, before the lunch break, and after the lunch break, though not a late afternoon class or a Friday class after the lunch break.  On Friday's they will often have a noon speaker.  Recently they have been on Zoom.  And late Friday afternoon, also on Zoom, they have some quasi social Zoom events.  I am willing to look at my screen.

For the actual classes, though, I much prefer in person.  People of my age, the post-retirement but not quite End of Life cohort, really do better when we are around people.

So a leisurely review of available in-person classes will get undertaken shortly. 

Irritations

Back home for two days and irritations accumulating.  Note from attorney handling a case for me that we have a trial date in about a year and a half.  I was hoping for a dismissal instead.  Note from car insurer that a claim has been filed against my car.  It has never been in a collision.  I was nowhere near the collision on the date of the collision.  Bet I know what happened, but we'll see how good their investigators really are.  Now getting more toll violations from car that has my stolen plate, after a lull.  Very likely the toll violations and the collisions, each assigned to me in absentia, are intertwined.  And some residual irritations from my trip to Florida.  Also people who should have gotten back to me but haven't.

I understand a little more each day why so many people want to replace the underperformers among us, done in the most visible way by voting them out, though sometimes by voting with our assets and shopping someplace else or changing doctors or responding to those many ads which tell us we will do better with a different insurance company or with that law firm on cable TV that really will represent us in the most vigorous way.  We don't really have very good advocates.

Or as Hillel advised us:  If I am not for myself, who will be for me?

Pleasant Chill

First night's sleep in my own bed after a mostly pleasant week in Florida.  Restful, but having my every whim accessible to me isn't the inner me.  I prefer retrieving the newspaper from the end of the driveway in my nightwear with warmer clothing needed for longer stays outdoors.  Unpack today.  Treadmill at reduced intensity later, as exercise equipment not available at the place I stayed, though I had my share of slower walks of similar distance to what my treadmill program would offer.  Restaurants all pleasant, mostly mid-priced, but I prefer the challenge of assembling supper for my wife and me each evening.

As much as I liked the four cruises I've taken, all mixtures of leisure and sightseeing, and my times in Puerto Rico, Arizona, and Hawaii with similar hotel based lounging and touring, Florida was distinctly less than that.  It was more doing what natives do, less having to go to work.  Really being part of the sprawl, doing things that pleasant weather enables, sharing the cluster or mall based restaurants with people who access them daily rather than a few times per lifetime.

It will probably take a day or two to restore the normal cadence of activities, though I much prefer these to the mostly leisurely warm days that I just had.

Returning Home

Completing a week in Florida.  Pleasant time.  I needed the break more than I thought I did, though don't anticipate needing another for some time.  Ate out.  I prefer what I create in my own kitchen from things I bought at Shop-Rite.  Walked to the beach across the street.  That was pleasant, though I didn't stay there for very long.  Dunked myself into the pool outside our front door a few times, again, never for very long.  It's still better than a JCC or Y membership where I would have to drive there, change in a locker, and mostly stay indoors except for the summer at the JCC.

I much prefer my sedan to the SUV rental, though I got used to driving it in a day or so.  Within about three days I knew where the important things were: gas station, WaWa, where to eat, how to access the highways.

Just over half a month remaining in the calendar year.  Much shorter checklist than the things I needed to do before vacation.  One final Medscape column.  My Semi-Annual Projects.  Two Torah readings.  Return to treadmill schedule.

My sleep pattern remained unchanged by the change in location.  There must be some internal, involuntary signals.  Did not take any of the diphenhydramine that I brought along.  Less beer than I would have had going out to dinner at home.  If they didn't have something unique or regional, which most of the places didn't, water would do.  About the same amount of coffee that I'd have at home, mostly gas station varietals, though some with restaurant breakfasts that seemed especially good.   Starbucks around the corner, no attraction to me whatever.

I'm very much looking forward to returning to the many things that I usually do.

Seeking Experiences

Penultimate day in Deerfield Beach. I've purchased no material goods to bring on my return trip, not a cheap T-shirt or a coffee mug.  Nada.  Came for experiences and got experiences.  Met with a cousin who I've not seen in decades and with a friend who I've kept in touch with for many decades.  Visited my father's grave site, completing my Semi-Annual Project of visiting all family cemeteries.  Self-toured the Everglades.  Slept late.  Lounged at pool, jumping in a few short dips.  Walked a block to the beach, mostly sitting at the shore, but wading in twice.  Deerfield Beach differs from Downstate Delaware.  Smaller width.  The town or state built barrier rocks, presumably to avoid flooding.  Even the places we dined at had a uniqueness not readily accessible at home.  I know of no pâtisseries.  Here we had two.  The breakfast places were each a little different than where I would go at home, more in ambience than menu, though I am used to more extensive griddle options.  We don't really have small restaurants with seafood dominant menus, though our beer selections are a lot more varied.  Only ate at one large chain, and that to be with my dear friend, whose house I got to mostly tour, along with my cousin's home.  These are different, inside and outside, from mine, though admittedly I prefer mine as a place to live.  

The scale of the area is also part of the experience.  The shore runs for hundreds of miles.  The population may be among the largest suburban sprawls in America with massive housing developments, mid-rise condos on the beach blocks, and shopping centers spread out with shops catering to any imaginable whim, or even legitimate need.  Nothing seemed grimy. The Everglades followed a single road, but that road ran 38 miles, encompassing multiple habitats.  Yet the two visitor centers seemed far more compact than other National Parks I have visited.

There is also a Jewish presence, part obvious with Chabad style Menorahs prominent in many locations, though much hidden.  Synagogues come up on a list.  I didn't go to one this shabbos, none notable from the roads as I drove past.  Kosher restaurant before I head home, another experience difficult to duplicate.

And maybe the ultimate experience, shirtsleeve, beach weather in December.  Not something I'd want all the time.  I'd probably not really like living in one of the many housing developments of restricted access with rigid Home Owners Association Rules and fees.  As pleasant as the week has been, I still think I like my own norm better.

Post-Election Assessment

My Democratic Representative District Committee had its post-election meeting.  The sponsored candidates all prevailed.  No discussion of vulnerabilities or things our district can do to improve the fortunes of neighboring districts, though we have two years for that.

Most of the discussion involved the process of voting.  The state's elections staff underestimated the attraction of early voting.  Much like the Sooners rushed before Oklahoma formally opened, we had a big line waiting to get in, though we had more decorum than those settlers.  The location kept most of us queued outside the front door.  The people of European ancestry were almost exclusively an older group, those of color a bit younger, with a brisk mid-day mostly tolerable.  Had it been colder or serious precipitation, there were no reasonable provisions for those most eager to vote that day.  The Community Center seems a big place that could manage that type of attendance better.  One Election Day venue included a Nursing Home where voters were screened for Covid risk.  Nobody knows if the brow thermometer denied anyone with a borderline, or even high temperature their rightful franchise.

Machines malfunctioned.  Response of Republicans, fire election officials.  Response of Democrats, investigate and correct the snafus.  There are party differences in real issues.  But there are party differences in how people are treated and misadventures are remedied.  I'm a Democrat.

Take with Me

Pre-Travel.  No checked baggage.  Clothing in suitcase.  Other stuff in backpack.  What to take depends on a blend of what I'd like to do while away and what I'm likely to do while away.  Laptop goes on the trip.  It's my connection to the world.  Torah photocopies go, as I really need to squeeze in some practice.  I took drawing pencils.  I don't know if I will do any sketching but they don't take up much room.  I had to look for these but found them.  Harmonica doesn't take up a lot of room.  I'd be willing to buy some drawing pencils in Florida, wouldn't be willing to buy another harmonica.  Bunch of chargers.  The bulky one for my laptop.  Phone charger, wall and car.  Good camera battery charger.  Need waterproof case for my phone.  Spare glasses.  Travel documents.  I keep a full set of planning pens in my backpack with a notepad.  Semi-Annual planning grid should get worked on while away.  Smallest umbrella that I have.  Fanny pack, the leather one.  Earbuds.  My medicines.  Filled the pill case this week. Take the bottles of each in backpack, partly to fill case for coming week and partly to avoid challenge from TSA.  Sunglasses, though I could get some at a place in Florida.  Car cup cell phone holder, though mine is clearly deteriorating.

I'm ambivalent as to how to allocate the week.  Three visits:  cemetery, which is the incentive to make the trip, visit friend, visit cousin.  On trips to DC and Mammoth Cave, the destination was tourist attractions, whether public buildings or unique nature.  Florida is more mixed.  Everglades day trip likely as unique nature.  Maybe intercoastal waterway.  There don't seem to be public museums on the scale of those in the northeastern cities.  There's culture, be it Cuban or Art Deco of Miami, or a Kosher restaurant.  There is relaxation, hard to come by in DC with it's very basic motel or Kentucky spent mostly in the car with a few targeted stops for the University or distilleries serving more as respite than recreation.  Florida has welcome weather, a beach, a pool, probably outdoor lounge chairs.  We have beaches at home, though more a day trip than a block or two walk, without the option of departing for lunch and heading back later.  I cannot remember the last time I went to something resembling a resort.  The cruise ships, Hawaii, Puerto Rico, and Phoenix in the last decade or two, so having that element of resort mingled with places  to drive to seems the right vacation mix for now.  

I'm not mentally in vacation mode, but still have a couple days to get there.

Farblunget

Confluence of a lot of things in a short time.  Shabbos at sundown.  Wife's birthday tomorrow, so prepare special dinner today, which takes planning.  It's a treadmill day after my monthly three day respite.  OLLI.  Short window for getting kids' holiday gifts to Pittsburgh before they leave for Japan and to San Francisco before we leave for Florida.  All the wrapping done.  The essentials of dinner under way, though I will need to make sink and its tub fleishig as soon as the milchig dishes dry.  There are a lot of fleishig dishes with more to come right after shabbos concludes tomorrow.  Birthday card signed and post-dated.  I thought I might need to make a quick stop at TJ, but found enough bread to get us by a few days until we leave town.  All Florida reservations made, visits with cousin and my friend not yet complete.  Then I recite Kaddish for my father tomorrow at shul with yahrtzeit candle the following Sunday night.  Donation sent.  My Pennsylvania medical licensing requirements for renewal seem complete. Fill out forms before I head off, see how much they want for a renewal, then decide my willingness to pay, which is very little.  And then follow weather reports for Fort Lauderdale and make packing decisions.  And then, with a little luck and minimal loose ends, some vacation.

Impulsivity

Periodically I find myself impulsive, needed to act right now when I shouldn't.  I cancelled endoscopic studies that I waited months to arrive as an immediate response to my wife's covid, something I could have avoided.  Need alternate care.  Ready to schedule myself with every GI identifiable on email who is not part of the group I found problematic.  I really should do one at a time.  Making snap responses about my synagogue, largely true, but could be more restrained.  Since my wife and I need to sleep separately while she recovers, I move consecutively between three OK but not optimal sleeping areas every few hours, or just keep awake and go to my electronics.  I've had this before.  It runs its course, but causes some damage along the way.

While experiencing insomnia, I watched a recording of a documentary by Tal Ben-Shahar, an organizational psychologist who gained fame as Harvard faculty but returned to his native Israel.  His documentary was on the elements of character of the people, those core principles, that have enabled an often besieged country and the people within it to excel beyond the achievements of those h disparage them.  He offered some characteristics that the population seeks out:

1. Family
2. Dealing with adversity
3. Education
4. Chutzpah
5. Taking Action
6. Tikkun Olam

I could do a little better on some of these things, starting with what I think is a minor health setback for which I need to respond in a more chutzpadik way.  If I need more suitable medical care, it looks like I need to be more assertive in pursuing it, unwilling to have unreasonable delays.  But also do this in a more thoughtful, controlled way than I've currently implemented.  

Use It Up

Each Wednesday or Thursday, the mail carrier delivers a small packet of weekly sales fliers from the regional supermarkets.  I intercept the Shop-Rite ad from the group, then over the next day or so, go through it a few pages at a time, noting the coupons, looking at what discounts generated thoughtful meal planning, then on a writing pad, in two columns, designate what I will definitely buy and what I might consider buying.  On Sundays, the coupons go electronic.  I download what I might consider onto my electronic bar-coded customer plastic for swiping at the register.  Then, based on how badly I need to go there for essentials, decide what day to do the major weekly resupply of groceries.

Thanksgiving week created a disruption to the usual pattern.  No postal delivery of supermarket inducements this week.  People must have been exhausted from their supermarket preparations.  The pre-Thanksgiving ad had a few must go back there with some coupons limited to the Friday and Saturday after the holiday, with minimum purchases needed to get the major discounts.  I had trouble reaching this threshold, but came home with the big box of half-price k-cups that captured my attention.

That's not to say the Shop-Rite promotional staff took a week off.  They still created what appeared to be their usual weekly display, but spared the landfills and recycling bins a bit by leaving it for online access.  I read it, finding it harder to do electronically than on paper.  As I went along, I entered my two columns.  Only three items on the must:   Discounted cereal, raspberries, and frozen vegetable.  Since I will be traveling in ten days and have enough of each of these things already in possession, my must list is really zero.  Having cancelled Thanksgiving dinner due to wife's covid, I already have unprepared menus, with a little catch up intended for my wife's birthday which occurs a few days before we depart for vacation.  No reason at all to go to Shop-Rite unless some essential gets used up before we go.

Visiting Rabbi

He drove all the way from Toronto to interview with us, leaving his wife at home while she recuperated from Covid.  I had a recuperating spouse too, but tested negative on the home antigen test that morning, as did a chair of the search committee, while the other co-chair also had partial isolation from a covid exposure.  I attended Minchah/ Havdalah, an assembly of nine men and four women, which gave us the abridged version, but left more time for teaching, which he did very well.  I also found him astute when challenged by interaction, but I was by far most vigorous on imposing questions and responses.

He seemed personable enough but the best selection for our waning congregation may be a little harder to tell.  Being more of an observer than an influencer, indeed I think largely marginalized in some ways in a place where insight or analytical skills seem devalued, I still have some impressions.

The fellow has a big beard, discreetly placed payot, and a large white crocheted kippah that covered much of his crew cut.  White shirt, dark pants, long tzitzit with p'til t'chalet dangling to about mid-thigh.  Part swami perhaps, part remnant from The Jewish Catalog series of the 1970s that both personalized Judaism but also created a largely ephemeral Chavurah fad.  Definitely a descendant of that background, not at all a carryover from Hebrew school.  I think his presence would have a uniqueness in our local Jewish community, maybe a less insular variant of Chabad.

Less certain perhaps, would be the prediction on his role as congregational rabbi on our particular agenda.  I think Saturday morning worship might become more of a targeted destination.  Sermons and side comments would have more of a sparkle, more reflective of a college graduate than Hebrew school graduate audience.  We would still struggle for a minyan.  Our liturgy would not change.  Unlikely that he would generate any new bimah participants.  And we would still have our gender disparity albatross and the reputation that it creates.

Classes would be series, or even individual presentations that he creates de novo.  We could learn rabbinics because he both knows and has an interest in rabbinics.  That may give our congregation uniqueness.  

The visiting Rabbi made an interesting observation in the parking lot.  He was asked whether he would find housing within walking distance of the synagogue, where some very attractive houses exist, or would he take the view of his predecessor that he has an obligation to his family to have them in a solidly Jewish area with ample institutions, commuting to fulfill his contractual obligations?  He responded that he needed to be part of the community as we have it.  In order for him to function not only as mara d'atra but as pastor, he needs to be among us.  Being familiar with the Jewish community of his native Toronto, I asked him about it.  It clusters geographically by denomination.  Ours had school districts with a lot of Jews when we arrived in 1980, but geographic distribution for reasons of prosperity enabling luxury housing or shifts in major employers has changed considerably.  But he seems to have an interest in being part of us, not just serving us.

Our Board's primary agenda for decades has been growing membership, or at least growing finances, amid a steady decline easily traceable through archived records.  I don't have confidence that he can make a difference in the aspect of our survival that the Board values most highly.  He perhaps can make us a more desirable place for the women who are here, but really cannot attract anyone who eliminates us from consideration on this element of our public presence.

In summary, I think those of us who like poking around Judaism's culture, heritage, and intellectual development will feel upgraded.  Those of us attracted to creativity will feel upgraded.  Our internal structures though, will not be upgraded.

Looking at Work Differently

My wife and I completed our stint as a two career couple, the first generation in which that became the norm.  Certainly my childhood friends had mothers who were teachers, either full-time or substitute, but for the most part dad worked, mom did things related to house and kids.  Perhaps around my college years cost of housing or food started to rise, so much so that the President imposed a ninety-day moratorium on most price increases by Executive Order.  At about the same time women's aspirations for their lives after college began to include lucrative career options.  Having a second substantial income added immensely to what married couples to do financially, from raising families even with the fairly high cost of child care, to purchasing houses, to travel, to savings for when the income would get interrupted either through job loss or retirement.  Those jobs, or really two jobs, became a highest priority asset, protected in every way, mostly by diligence when performing them.  Vacation was allotted, more than really needed from an American mindset, though the Europeans might disagree.  Retirement plans were funded to the max.  The good times would not last forever.  And so with the first job change, I got paid for unused vacation, with a second reimbursement for unused time after retirement.  Not a lot of money.  I saved the time more for security, should illness strike, which it didn't.  I also afforded myself what I thought I needed as a work respite, though not more.

My children now have responsible jobs too.  They seem much more casual with them, extracting their entitlements right now.  My son has gone overseas his first year and will be taking a six-week stretch away from the job in the coming month, combining three weeks of vacation for the closing year with three weeks in the new year.  My daughter, less bound by appointment schedules, also heads off frequently.  While they don't have childcare expenses, and I presume are diligent with retirement plan deductions, they seem more focused on their recreation than my wife and I were.  I don't think I missed out on anything important by rationing my allotted time off, often actually preferring the satisfaction that my professional obligations generated.  Perhaps the millennials like my children prioritize differently.  They can expect to reach their closing years with less financial securities, though perhaps with a greater inventory of fond memories.

Sleeping Elsewhere

With my wife isolated for confirmed covid, myself minimally symptomatic but with negative testing, and probably too impulsive in cancelling my upcoming long awaited endoscopic studies, I need a mixture of respite and reset.  First a different place to sleep for a few nights, then later maybe a different GI group.  It two nights I've had three different sleep locations, none really comparable to my own bed.  The recliner in My Space, long past its prime, has been a place where I can force the back to about 45 degrees or so, then rest.  Many times I have dozed off there while watching the Big Screen, never really awakening fully rested, often unable to return to full sleep in my own bed, but at least I can fall asleep there.  My daughter's room has a high quality single bed, probably my best default when my wife and I need to sleep separately.  We got it for her right before her brother was born, so the mattress and box spring are probably about 36 years old, still like new.  She slept in it nightly until college, with breaks for camp, seemingly well rested.  I find the mattress too hard, something Goldilocks would not only understand but take action to find something softer.  Still, I fell asleep with a sleep pattern of early awakening not different from my own bed, though perhaps not as well rested.  Last night I tried the new sofa, one we've had for only a few months.  It seemed about the right hardness.  It's seating width, at about 22 inches, was too narrow for optimal comfort, but the hardness of the surface, while more than my mattress, was adequate.  The pillows that came with this sofa were intrusive.  We had excellent throw pillows which I could use for my head.  The back pillows were not removable to expand width.  Most of last night there, finished on my daughter's mattress.  I got up a half hour early, not wanting to languish there.

This being Thanksgiving, had dinner not been cancelled due to household covid, I would have a full day in the kitchen, one of my more satisfying personal pursuits. I'm not terribly sleep-deprived, but less well rested than I need to be for a marathon effort of a multicourse dinner.  I have other things to do instead, many of them at my keyboard and screen.  I feel rested enough to tackle these,

though even with coffee, I will need to put myself horizontal somewhere for a few hours while it is still daylight.

Cancelling

My wife sang in a concert a few days back.  The principal tenor, present for rehearsals, cancelled out just a few days prior to the performance, having developed symptomatic Covid.  A replacement, a very capable one, was recruited on short notice allowing a magnificent performance of Mozart's Requiem to take place.  The church providing the venue overflowed its parking lot and filled nearly all its lower level.

Now a few days later, my wife develops respiratory symptoms and achiness.  Thermometer 101.6F.  Covid PCR +.  In my refrigerator I have a mostly thawed 17 pound Big Bird, $58 worth, but guests have been disinvited.  I now have sniffles myself, but no fever.  Still a colonoscopy looms in six days with my wife as designated driver and me on quarantine.  And air travel in two weeks.

Need to do some phone time.  Donate turkey, or make every effort to do that.  Reschedule endoscopic procedures.  Buy some more home covid tests or maybe have one done at the pharmacy for myself.  Having had a booster, only one, I do not have to self-isolate but do have to mask.  And see what happens to the sniffles.  Then next month, relent and get the next booster

To the best of my memory, I've not missed Thanksgiving before.  One year in medical school I purchased a reheatable kosher TV turkey dinner from Sol & Ely's Kosher butcher in St. Louis.  Even as a physician, since I worked every Christmas, I could anticipate being off for Thanksgiving.  

My own temperature is normal this morning, though I have subtle suggestions of early symptoms.  Just cancel whatever would get me in contact with anyone for the long holiday weekend.  And take advantage of some unanticipated Me Time.

Tale of the Kosher Turkeys

 

And other Thanksgiving adventures.

In my freezer I have a half turkey breast, enough for three with some extra to give my sister-in-law for shabbos.  With five people, a small whole turkey or whole turkey breast would be better.  For Kosher turkeys, Trader Joe's contracts with Empire to provide unfrozen birds.  They had only one on my trip there last week, maybe just slightly larger than I wanted, and too soon to buy a fresh one.  I opted to return with enough time to thaw a frozen one from Shop-Rite if Trader Joe's still did not have one.  They didn't.  Moreover, their customer service agent told me no new ones would be coming.  So on to Shop-Rite.  No fresh ones.  No turkey breasts.  Not that many whole frozen ones, the smallest just under 17 pounds. Their meat department rep assured me they had no others in the freezer.  I put it in the cart.  Now I could see if Super G had one, but being risk averse, I did not want to lose what I had just acquired, as there was just enough time to thaw a bird that size in the refrigerator.  Or I could stretch out that half turkey breast, or maybe go back to TJ to see if they had a second half turkey breast which would feed everyone between the two halves.  I played it safe, purchasing the Big Bird, $58 worth.  It will thaw.  Leftovers will freeze for many a shabbatot to follow, made even more economical with poultry soup once the carcass is harvested.  And along the way I got all the other things I needed supplemented by a few things I didn't need.

At checkout, the register tape informed me that if I spend just another $13 before Thanksgiving, I qualify for their premium, usually a whole Empire chicken or vegetarian illusion of turkey.  Chicken the better option but it takes up freezer room.  I'll return and find a way to spend another $13 to get a premium worth $16.

I do not have a good sense of why Kosher turkeys have become scarce.  Standard turkeys, mostly frozen seem plentiful, though a bit expensive, defrayed by the Shop-Rite incentive which includes them as a redemption premium.  And the sizes vary a lot more.  Empire has a virtual monopoly on this.  They operate their main plant just a few hours from where I shop, so international transportation snafus would be a lot less than for the other poultry mass producers.  Maybe they have difficulty getting labor.  Maybe their contracted farmers don't want to make deals with them.  Perhaps they have a shochet shortage, as their slaughtering cannot be mechanized.

And the absence of small birds deserves a comment.  There was a discussion in the Haredi community as they populated America as to whether the turkey was a Kosher bird.  The experts ruled that it was.  Then they debated whether it was appropriate to celebrate an American holiday with Thanksgiving's origins.  It was ruled OK but not mandatory.  Also convenient, as Torah is read in synagogues every Thursday.  This enabled Bar Mitzvah ceremonies that relatives who would need to drive could attend.  A big turkey or two provides for a luncheon.  Today, those are the largest families among the Jews, and the most who also routinely engage in communal meals.  So selling them large turkeys makes business sense.

The rest of us have gotten smaller families, often hard to assemble in a single gathering for a single meal.  That's my family.  When I go to shabbos morning services, thinking about how our congregation could serve its members better, I will sometimes count who had shabbos dinner alone the night before.  About half the people in attendance.  More of us are couples.  A few of us have children nearby, too far to come for shabbos, within driving range for Thanksgiving.  And a few of us have siblings that can assemble without air travel.  But large gatherings seem the exception.  The marketplace usually adapts to this.  It looks like Empire Kosher Poultry hasn't.

Long Checklist

Vacation on the horizon.  A week of mostly recreation in a new place, or at least a place I've not visited in a long time.  I made a list of what needs doing before leaving home.  It's a long list.

1. Thanksgiving
2. My endoscopy procedures
3. Submit next column
4. Make Monthly donations
5. Submit two articles
6. Submit U of D Contest recording
7. Return Library books
8. Followup stolen license plate
9. Monthly Excel Finances
10. Buy Hanukkah gifts
11. Airport Parking Reservations
12. Wife's birthday
13. Restore snowblower to function
14. CME License Renewal
15. Opioids Course
16. Child reporting course
17. Monthly Family Zoom
18. Arrange Florida visits
19. Toyota maintenance
20. Rabbi visit
21. AKSE committee followup
22. Trim beard
23. Yahrtzeit

Fortunately, nearly all have end points and nearly all have deadlines.  A lot of One and Done.  But still quite a lot.

Dinner Game Plan

Thanksgiving should be a little more populated this year with son and daughter-in-law joining us for a few days.  A chance to see what I can do in the kitchen and has host.  First a menu, all set.

1. Italian Bread for Motzi
2. Corn fritters
3. Butternut Squash soup with coconut milk
4. Cucumber chili salad
5. Whole Roast Turkey
6. Crock Pot stuffing
7. Sauteed Asparagus
8. Sweet Potato Casserole
9. Cranberry Sauce
10. Pumpkin Maple Bundt Cake
11. Assorted Beverages

Fair number of ingredients to get, but a list now under a magnet on the refrigerator door.  Probably a bottle or wine or two.  Have a bottle of sparkling cider.  No Soda.  I may have to not sample a couple if restricted by pending endoscopy preparation.

I need utensils and space.  Oven for bread, turkey, casserole, and cake, with duration of use and sequence taken into account.  Crock pot starts early, as does bread which needs to rise.  Stovetop has four burners to be allocated over fritters, soup, asparagus, and cranberry sauce.  Salad made cold.

Don't know yet if I will need to thaw the turkey, depends on if TJ has fresh Kosher ones of suitable size.  Some measuring to do, expect to use my full contingent of measuring devices.  And mixers, food processor, bowls, sheet pan, skillets, pots, bundt pan.  Bought a new salad bowl.  Knives for chopping and slicing, all sharpened in advance.  Probably will need a strainer.  

By late afternoon, a fully set Thanksgiving table with perhaps a few misadventures and first-aid in the process.

U of D Contest

Last year my submission earned honorable mention, which got me a very enjoyable luncheon and a gift certificate, also with a chance to learn a little from a few unique minds.  No barrier to making another submission this year, other than a deadline.

They want to know this season if I am More Than a Number.  Sometimes yes, sometimes no.  I think the better question would be whether the times when we should be unique and the times when we should be aggregated done appropriately.  The doctor would not be very effective if individuality were dismissed, but also not very effective if advice did not depend on mass experience treating others with overlapping features to the illnesses presented.  What I order from Amazon nearly always comes to me as specified.  That could not happen in the absence of a system that knows nothing about me.

And sometimes results of this distinction are not benevolent, as we are finding out with mass communications and social media.  Mass broadcasts generate individual responses.

And how do I feel about it.  U of D gives specific questions to answer in the submission.

• ​Reflect on a personal experience in which you felt you were treated like a number. How did the experience affect your life or the lives of others in your family and community?
• How have you reacted to the experience?
• What actions have you taken?
  
• What do you think is the eventual impact on society? Personal relationships? The political process?

These all need to be answered too.  I think I can do this by Thanksgiving.

Making Supper

Most evenings, making supper has drifted to my household task.  I mostly like doing this.  It ties with my other generally weekly chore of the supermarket, divided between Shop-Rite for most items with bread, eggs, cheese, and a few others better obtained at Trader Joe's.  Merging the two, as I shop I think about what my wife and I will eat.  This skill has acquired value now that food prices have spiked but Shop-Rite continues to tease people to shop there preferentially with its weekly on sale circular.

Having done this for a while now, I have generated a pattern, if not a routine.  As Thanksgiving approaches, I could not possibly squeeze a turkey into my freezer since the repertoire of daily meal options has taken up most of that volume.  Meat is usually only once weekly, for shabbos, either chicken or beef, elaborate when guests come, seared or dumped in crock pot when dining as a couple.  We eat what we can, maybe save some for a second meal, and for stewed items which are better made in large quantities, freeze half for a subsequent shabbos.  Add a starch and a vegetable.  Not much for desserts.

I have my specialties:  Lasagna with a spinach and cheese base or Macaroni & Cheese a la Horn & Hardart, their automat serving as my culinary destination when I ventured into Manhattan in my youth.  These each make four meals, one the day of preparation, the second a day or two later, the last two as fast food from the freezer.  No additional starch needed with these.

Then I have fast food.  Veggie burgers of a variety of types depending on what was discounted.  I particularly like phony beef.  Pierogies come in boxes of twelve, don't even have to thaw.  Just dump in boiling water.  Nature has its own fast food in the form of fish.  Modern processing has made this easy.  Instead of a display case, not totally abandoned, the better way is frozen.  Trader Joe's has pairs of tuna steaks which I divide and put in plastic wrap before freezing.  Other species get frozen at sea after they have been portioned, then sold in one or two pound frozen bags.  Whether tuna, haddock, or cod, just thaw the fillets the night before, season with whatever inspires me at the time of preparation, then either sear if tuna or broil if something else.  Add a potato.  Add a vegetable, usually stored in the freezer, and we have a day's nutrition with no leftovers.   

Eggs have their own versatility.  Quiche is surprisingly easy to make.  Crust forms in minutes with a combination of four parts flour to one each of olive oil and water with a trace of salt.  Squish into a pie pan.  Custard is just four eggs, some milk, some cubes taken from whatever chunk cheese I have in the refrigerator, and the spices of momentary inspiration.  I could just pour this over the crust, but I prefer a filling, mushrooms and onions if in my possession, perhaps carrots or broccoli boiled, then sliced.  Into the crust, pour the custard over them, and into the oven.  Two meals.  Frittatas I make less often but also an invitation to improvise.

So we eat reliably, mostly economically, and I have a measure of creativity with planning and execution followed by some moments of accomplishment while eating.

Late Friday Night Service

 

As a youngster even to recent times, the non-Orthodox congregations held their Friday night services comfortably after supper, typically at 8PM.  They took their chances on competition with the network schedule, That Was the Week that Was in the 1960s, Dallas in the 1970s, all prior to the VCR so gone once missed.  Despite cultural competition, for many shabbos had a priority, or maybe immersion in one's kehillah did.  Bat Mitzvot, including my sister's, took place on Friday night.  In many ways, it was an adaptation to reality, or maybe taking advantage of an opportunity to connect those who would be taking the boys to Little League on Saturday to the congregation.  

At my United Synagogue of America congregation, Friday night had its distinctiveness.  Our clergy were absolutely traditional.  A shabbos or yontif at my shul would be largely indistinguishable from most of the nearby Orthodox places except for mixed seating and an active parking lot.  Yet Friday nights, American culture prevailed.  The liturgy of the Silverman Siddur, fully maintained Saturday morning, gave way to a couple of English responsive readings in lieu of Hebrew.  A volunteer choir conducted by a friend's mother with an organ to provide a subdued continuo engaged a few adult congregants who liked to sing.  For the Bat Mitzvot, the Haftarah found its insertion along with a speech by the girl.  Our Rabbi spoke, not about Torah, but about contemporary issues from civil rights to the challenges of suburban living, though always imparting some aspects of traditional Judaism that underlie the things we pursue as Americans, or often challenge them. An oneg shabbat would follow the service, always pareve in anticipation of the fleishig shabbos dinner that preceeded each service.  Tea, some pastries, some fruit.  It was here that people would mingle, kids segregating among their chums from Hebrew school who would reappear at Junior Congregation the following morning, their parents with each other, and the seniors and Holocaust survivors with each other.  We were multigenerational, though probably not truly intergenerational.  

A weekly event would overwhelm any desire to have outside speakers at each oneg, but with some frequency a short program could be assembled.  We had a variety of speakers including NAACP officials and people of title within the school system.  But we also had events that were more internal, perhaps having the Ramah campers within the congregation do a couple of the dances they would perform each shabbos at camp or one shabbos honoring the congregation's high school seniors after they have made their college choices each May.  People thought about who was in our congregation and what made each subdivision special in its own way.

Across town, in my Jewishly diverse suburb, stood a growing Reform congregation with its iconic Rabbi of decades tenure, outgrowing its home as the GI bill brought secular newly prosperous veterans with growing families to our town.  Their new home opened in better proximity to the many housing developments created in the 1960s.  While that may have been the place we Conservative affiliates would only enter as Bar Mitzvah guests, we all new many dedicated members as families of our public school classmates.  They were similarly engaged in Hebrew School, Bar Mitzvah preparation, their teen group, and often with weekly worship.  Fathers were able to afford the suburban homes from their salaries that they generated as professionals, middle managers, sales representatives, and educators, mostly communting each workday to New York City, some 45 minutes away.  Work imposed its stress, to be relieved by closing time on Friday, heralding a two day respite from their rat race.  Dinner served as a centerpiece, less as shabbos, more as escape.  Their synagogue centered its Sabbath activities around Friday night, allowing for a dinner more elegant than TV dinners which had emerged as dietary staples of the workweek.  Some men made it home in time for their choice of three newscasts, others did not.  The synagogue had one shot per week to get people there for the only regularly scheduled Jewish observance that most would have outside the Holy Days.  Services began at 8 or 8:30PM, mostly English from the Union Prayer book, a message from the Rabbi, then snacks and schmooze.  Saturday went to yardwork or children's extracurriculars, Sunday for Hebrew School and Men's Club perhaps.  That left a very small worship window that had to avoid conflict with the immediate break from the work week.  There would be no second chance on Saturday for most.  Without Late Friday, the synagogue would not have its place as a scheduled destination for nearly as many as it attracted.

Since then some fifty years have passed.  With it came myriad changes.  Bat Mitzvah ceremonies moved to Saturday morning with the boys.  The VCR, and later DVD, enabled people to see the show that conflicted with kabbalat shabbat the following day.  Intermarriage, which had been the focus of many Rabbinical presentations fifty years ago, established itself as common.  In the Conservative communities, threats of shunning and a measure of hostility to the parents of intermarried shifted membership toward the Reform congregations.  Attrition of membership poses a financial threat so congregations shifted into more of an acceptance framework, enabling conversion programs through either the synagogues or through cooperative efforts of regional rabbis.  And those partners who did not choose to convert still had a place in the congregation, while their children could participate in Hebrew School and youth programs, though with some restrictions.  Moreover, as intermarriage became more common, the couples tended to remain in Jewish population centers.  It was the more isolated congregations in Alabama, central Pennsylvania, or the midwest whose Jewish populations depleted, more from migration of offspring than their intermarriage.  Moreover, Jewish university graduation of the next generation became the norm, with job offers far removed from the hometown, lucrative enough to accept despite the distance, and with synagogues benefitting from their newcomers.  Women also obtained advanced schooling with the job offers creating career couples of high salary but time constrained by the diligence required for career advancement.  Late Friday Night services continued to serve as a focus of Jewish affiliation amid these cultural shifts.

It is unclear why the crossover point away from this half century congregational staple occurred, perhaps even when it occurred.  Yet its utility became apparent during my year of Kaddish for my father.  By 2009, only the Reform congregation offered a service at 8PM.  My own shul started at 6PM on Friday evening, mincha during Daylight Savings time, Kabbalat Shabbat during Standard time.  The Conservative congregation had discontinued its late service as well.  Not attending either, I do not know if minyanim regularly materialized, or even if that is the optimal metric of synagogue success, as there always seemed something minimalist about eking out only ten people for what should be a week's highlight.  But as a secular professional, I usually found myself doing the week's final consults or sometimes beginning weekend call for colleagues when my turn arose.  I could get home by 7PM, have supper heated by my wife whose occupational predictability and priorities enabled her to be home by candle lighting, then drive the fifteen minutes in time for the Reform service.  The Union Hymnal had given way to Mishkan Tefillah prayer book, which allowed diversity of liturgy each week.  A security guard greeted me as I entered, then an usher handed me the program as I entered their sanctuary.  Attendance seemed about 50-70 adults most weeks, supplemented by about a dozen children, mostly pre-Bar Mitzvah, who would be called up to the Bimah for Kiddush, then blessed with Birchat Kohanim, as the Rabbi and congregation extended their hands in their direction.  A congregant was assigned candle lighting, irrespective of sundown.  The people there seemed to know the tunes that the congregation used.  Most Friday nights the Rabbi spoke, though on occasion that honor was delegated to a congregant of special knowledge or an outside guest of notable accomplishment.  Kaddish had a certain solemnity, with the Rabbi asking mourners to rise in sequence, from shiva, shloshim, kaddish year, yahrtzeits, and lastly those who want to say kaddish for those who have nobody present to represent them.  Then closing hymm, which varied from one week to the next.  Finally motzi from the Bimah, followed by Oneg in an adjacent room.  If there were to be a Bar Mitzvah the following morning the boy was invariably present and recognized.  As an observer and as a participant, people seemed to enjoy being there.  It also afforded special events, from community partnerships for  MLK Day to an annual Purim Shpiel pageant, which they held the shabbos before Purim.  There was liturgy, but there was also community.  There was a place where members could come at a convenient time for their yahrtzeits, and they did.  We could all enjoy the Cantor's impressive musical repetoire which changed weekly.  And at the Oneg, I could usually anticipate a neighbor or professional colleague in attendance who I had not seen in a while.

This weekly option has mostly disappeared from my community, in toto for several years, but recently reinstated on a limited basis by the local United Synagogue affiliate.  Not having been to any evening service outside of the Holy Days in a while, attending seemed like an opportunity to reacquaint myself with once was, a shift from the formalities of my usual attendance at my own congregation on shabbos morning.  I was not at all disappointed.  There really are things that lend themselves best to the informalities that follow supper for most of us, which may be why at my professional dinners or charitable receptions the keynote speaker arises after everyone has eaten.  Guest speaker highlighting Veterans Day, along with recognition of congregants who had served, common at one time, less so as the military shifted away from conscription.  Musical instruments accompanied the Cantor, who helped memorialize Shlomo Carlebach on his yahrtzeit by incorporating some of his melodies into the Friday night liturgy.  Attenace seemed ample, both in person and via Zoom, something difficult to duplicate when people have to juggle their TGIF with a hastened dinner to worship at the customary times.

Seeing the Late Friday Night shabbos gathering move from the non-orthodox norm to a designated event makes me wonder if its current rarety diminished what suburban congregations once were.  Shabbos is indeed about family dining together in a special way and seeing flaming candles in attractive candle holders.  Motzi over challot is probably common as is kiddush.  But for many families shabbos ends right there.  Doubt the meals include traditional songs as they did at camp or if the children get to learn who Ephraim and Menassheh were as the sons are blessed, though the daughters probably knew of their matriarchs, assuming the blessings are given.  Birchat HaMazon likely not the conclusion of the meal.  And then leisure ends.  Early service before the special dinner so that the meal could be open-ended or compete with the urgency of the TV schedule?  Doubt it for most families.  It would be interesting to poll some of those in attendance at Late Friday Night which I attended to see how their shabbat's compare on the other weeks.  There are just some things Jewish that require removing distractions.  Shabbos in America is probably among those things, with no greater distraction than making shabbos services the first rushed appointment after the work week concludes.  The service times of my youth were chosen to avoid that.  They probably still would.