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Monday, March 23, 2026

Not Wanting Anything


For serving as a research subject for my state university project, the investigators sent me a $50 Amazon gift card.  I try to redeem these quickly, before I forget about their existence.  To avoid shipping costs, all my checkouts at Amazon exceed the threshold for including shipping, which falls somewhat below the $50 I had to spend.  My wife needed a small electronic appliance that cost about $50.  I could not match the serial number she provided me with any item on their menu, so she opted to just get what she wanted on her own.  That still left me $50 to spend.

I tried to create a shopping list.  Some lavender sachets to keep bow mites from returning to my violin case.  These seem to be sold in bulk quantities far above what I would need.  Maybe a local crafts store would have them.  I have a few nostalgic indulgences.  Hai Karate lotions are not made anymore.  Jade East still exists but its current price exceeds any value I would place on it.  In retirement I am giving clothing away, not purchasing more.  My kitchen has every utensil, pan, dish, and appliance needed to create elegant dinners, both milchig and fleishig.  My last Amazon furniture purchase could have gone better.  At IKEA I can see what I am getting.

Then there are replacement parts.  Amazon does best with this.  Few exceed $50 and nothing right now is partially broken.  My fondness for pens is insatiable.  In the past, two cartridge pens from Amazon joined my small collection.  Rarely used.  Understand why ballpoints have replaced them.  No desire for personal jewelry.

Might I spend this on somebody else?  I could.  But honoraria from my research participations have become my mad money, my indulgences.  I don't want to change that.  It is not unusual for podcasters to make YouTube presentations of neat stuff from Amazon for under $50.  The run a short enough time, typically under ten minutes, to see what they have.  Mostly electronics, stuff to enhance productivity or make driving safer.  None attractive to me.

Basically, Amazon sells stuff.  And I do purchase stuff, though increasingly perishables like food and medicine.  I seek what they don't sell, experiences.  Sometimes this comes indirectly.  I purchased a violin bow with a previous gift card.  And a fragrance might be a form of experience.  So might a picture frame to keep photos of my grandchildren in sight.  And they started as a book seller.  The book is stuff, reading its pages becomes experience.  A team cap is stuff.  Displaying the logo of my affiliations when I travel transforms it to experience.

For now, I have $50 worth of petty indulgence waiting for the right product.  None today that I especially want.


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