Nothing seems especially wrong. The expected annoyances. Some age related hints from the lab that I need to keep current with health maintenance. I got top prize in the spouse lottery. Living prudently allowed ample wealth in late life. Kids as independent adults bring us nachas, worth some of the travails of getting them there. Late life gets all the important boxes checked.
I don't feel sad or apprehensive. The world has not left me behind. My mind continues to work pretty much as it should. No major problems with temperament. Social relationships above threshold, though never abundant.
Despite ample good things and little distress, I work within a cloud with a few desired parts missing. An emptiness waiting for worthwhile activities to enter that blank space. The psychologists have termed this Languishing. Not ill, but not energetic. A recognition of incomplete but lacking the motivation to put myself at risk or leave my accumulated comfort zones to seek a remedy.
This condition was apparently termed by a sociology professor at Emory in the early 2000s. The pandemic exposed its prevalence. A number of advice forums from books, to articles in widely read publications, to YouTube presentations, offer consistent guidance on acquiring a better self-image on well-being. None seem exceptionally difficult, all within my grasp. Since motivation deficit defines the condition, some of the interventions may need to ignore motivation. Just define a task and start. And all activities that experts recommend introducing have finite ways of determining their achievement. Complete something that won't reappear on tomorrow's To Do List.
My social framework seems OK. I attend shul, classes at OLLI, and selectively at synagogue, which I often judge as excessive. I try to have people for dinner, though my wife is less than receptive to this sometimes. I have a tendency to keep to myself. Interestingly, for my long career I met people previously unknown to me daily, usually in the capacity of an expert who other people sought out. I liked interacting with strangers, amusing them sometimes, listening intently to what they tried to convey to me most of the time. Maybe I can focus on relating to strangers again. My conversations with acquaintences at my usual gathering points center more on superficial greetings than exchange of challenging ideas. I seem at my best, even most energetic, when verbally dueling, something not often as welcome by my mental partner. The Jewish approach to learning, called Chevruta, centers on a process between two thinking partners with opposing views of a common framework. I find myself too often politely deflected by somebody who learned to do that at Corporate Charm School than mentally engaged, as was the norm and expectation of my training years.
My daily, weekly, and semi-annual projects have their share of difficult things. Most of the professional guidance on Languishing centers around the personal challenges. It's too easy to look at my lists, accomplish easy tasks, which then get a slash through the words. The big stuff takes some thought, sometimes physical effort, but also yields the most gratifying experience. Commenting to an author on her work, then getting a response takes me out of Languishing, even if only transiently. Even with no response to a major effort, just knowing that I did something not easily duplicated allows a sense of accomplishment, if not yet flourishing. I have those initiatives but don't complete them as consistently as I should. That's probably the best escape from Languishing. Difficult project, work time without distraction, finite end point.
Finally, the experts recommend some form of Me Time. I do this pretty consistently. Technically, time alone in my car may qualify, but I think the advice requires a chunk of time to my mind to wander, maybe with a pen and paper to record the ideas that flow through when nobody else can interrupt them.
None of these elements pose significant barriers. My greatest challenge may be working on something close to my capacity regularly, with an end point, and a reward. Some tangible outline of what I will do in an undistracted way, and how I will know when it is completed. If you try all elements at once, Social, Me Time, Completion, and Effort, the mind registers it as programming. I think I'll start with diligent but challenging effort for two weeks, then reassess.
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