It's a Rainy Day

An overnight rain at the tail of a major storm from a more vulnerable place.  We've had a dry spell which has caused my zinnias to droop and the weeds in my garden to have a competitive advantage.  Heat and humidity have deterred me from working outdoors or even fishing so the change in weather doesn't really change my activities but helps me avoid having to rationalize them.  Today I also have no fixed appointments.  I've not registered for seminars, no Shiva minyanim to attend on Zoom, it's not the day I check my oil or file my financial statements or even weigh myself.  The treadmill appears on my daily task list and will be addressed later but today is also the day of social media avoidance.  Basically, I have a day with myself.  I can finally take a stab at making my own bagels and dinner centers around macaroni and cheese in the style of Horn & Hardardt, z"l.  It's also a day to tackle some initiatives that are not slam dunks.  A day with time to invest in the future.  Me Time.

Making Bagels

By now I've gotten the hang of making Gravlax.  It takes about 4 days, easy to assemble, set timer to rotate at about 12 hour intervals, then enjoy for quite a while since I make about a kg at a time, quartering and freezing what I am not about to use.  During the eating time, I seek out bagels.  The best packaged ones come from Shop-Rite bakery though they are expensive.  I will buy a reduced package, which is clearly past optimal.  The next come from Trader Joe's.  These have become my staple, but after a day they need to be toasted to be serviceable.  Shop-Rite brand and others get purchased when on sale, but they are mass produced and not very good even when toasted.  Einsteins and Manhattan Bagel make good stuff but are expensive and I prefer the kosher certification  for home use.

So I'll try making my own.  There are two styles, NY and Montreal, where the dough recipes are not all that different.  I do not have malt extract and don't plan to get any but some Montreal recipes substitute maple syrup which I have.  The recipes use a bit more flour than I might have expected.  Not particularly difficult, basically a variant of bread with a boiling step before the baking step and perhaps some dexterity in forming the bagel.  Whether it's really worth the effort for a dozen packaged in 4s and frozen is unlikely but worth a try at least one time.

Repackaging Shabbos

Shabbos has been a demarcation time forever, though my personal form of elevating this day has shown a few incarnations over the decades, As a generalization, my personal observance has become more stringent over time, much like a Wall Street graph that shows a long term trend with up and down fluctuations amid the trend.  Coronavirus, that submicroscopic sphere with red spikes on all the pictures, basically eliminated shul as a destination.  It also gave me and excuse not to drive, which I haven't for about a month.  Instead, I lounge around the house, watch big screen TV, read recipes from my many cook books imagining the menu of my next grand creation.  I don't read anything of Jewish content, unless the cook book happens to be a Kosher one.  Torah is reviewed as part of weekly preparation.  I usually have some Jewish reading in progress, currently going through the 150 psalms five per day but since I do it on my cell phone's Sefaria app, this suspends for shabbos.  I still do my scheduled treadmill session as health maintenance since the ability to measure is essential to the goal.  While some variant of services is available as is our Rabbi's weekly sermon, I find each too much like Junior Congregation of old and never returned following a quick sample.

While it's not sensory deprivation, not even spiritual deprivation, the current form constitutes some form of deprivation.  Maybe those few fast quips with people at kiddush are worth the time sitting in the chapel during the service.  Maybe I should get back in the car and admire a park or nature.  I probably might if I were not retired but I can go any time.  Shabbos is really about setting aside, previously trips to the mall but now the car.  But in exchange for setting aside, there is an expectation that something else will be elevated in its place.  For a long time that was my leisurely breakfast out during my working years.  Then it became public worship, or communal gathering in the form of public worship as my attention often focused elsewhere. Now I've given up the car, which is a form of deprivation, but not really elevated anything of value that I found myself unable to pursue during the week.  It's a different style of shabbos, but a very incomplete one, and not an especially gratifying one.

Forcing Myself

After doing great for a while and seeing beneficial results, I let my sleep hygiene initiative atrophy, first for a legitimate reason of illness, but never restored this project to baseline.  I would wake up on time but not get up.  Today I did, though more from obligation to myself than really wanting to.

The same could be said of exercise, going great, hiatus for illness, never restored though it could have been partially restored.  Just have to set a time and be on a moving treadmill at that time.

Not all is lost.  I still use the electric toothbrush and flosser as soon as I get up, weigh and check waist circumference weekly.  BP checks have gotten fewer but the relative consistency of the readings suggests the spot checks are sufficient.  Dishes get done. Doing them relaxes me and gives me the illusion that I've accomplished something tangible.  I keep up with the laundry, no sense of self-coercion on this. Some of those health measures just haven't done as well despite acquiring some measure of well being when I was doing them.

Maybe creating an obligation, maybe having somebody other than me keep the checklist.  Start by hitting the personal Reset today.  I'm up on time, morning dental ritual done, dishes done, coffee at my right hand.  Treadmill later this morning when stiffness eases.  See how it goes.

Assessing Progress

Just about a month has gone by since my current list of a dozen semi-annual initiatives got under way.  Mixed report but not an unexpected one.  Planned to join two organizations.  Got myself a meaningful assignment from the Delaware Historical Society.  Planned three day trips to places I've not been before spread over three states.  Barnes Museum is now open.  Don't know about the American Museum of Jewish History.  Went downstate to Fenwick Island, where I've been a few times but veered off at Trap Pond where I've never been.  And there are experiences like White Water Rafting.  Should be able to do the three by year's end.  National Park.  Takes planning but doable.  Probably a targeted trip.  I have my two subscriptions to the Forward and to the Atlantic.  I've been reading them, commenting a lot to the Forward which makes it easy to give feedback.  Much harder for the Atlantic which is written on a much higher analytical plane than the Forward.  Writing the book that makes me famous has languished.  So has my initiative to create a process to expose Trumpanzees who thought they could create discord anonymously.  Books have not gone as well.  The anti-Trump book by Joe Walsh just did not capture my intellect.  I read an ebook by Nobel Laureate SY Agnon, translated by my Rav James Diamond.  A unique Jewish book.  Probably too short to really count as one of my three designated books.

Physical measurements have gone nowhere.  I have not felt my best and cut back the treadmill.  Faithful to omitting calories from 10PM-6AM but no progress from the scale or tape measure.  Not made any new friends yet but immersion in historical society just beginning.  Implosion of on-site OLLI has added to this challenge.  

Son's wedding is still a go.  I've been keeping up with financial filing.  Could be more dedicated to focusing on my bedroom but rotated the mattress and had the down comforter professionally cleaned, so its primary task of a place to sleep seems satisfied.

Still five months to do these things.  Not a perfect start but not a substandard one either.  Plod along.

Virtual Tisha B'Av

Three Weeks have largely passed me by.  I made no adaptations this Coronavirus year, not that you can really mandate sadness as reliably as you can manipulate diet.  yutorah.org had their offerings which I did not pursue.  There are kinnot available and the OU has a program every year for Tisha B'Av that I'll probably tap.  I probably will read Eicha on my own, not fast past dawn, and not really feel part of a communal mourning.  The observance is about feeling, which has eluded me this year.  Maybe community has as well.

WaWa Returns

While bored with what was on live TV, I streamed some favorite recorded shows, settling for a Modern Marvels episode on convenience stores.  WaWa, the dominant chain in our region, had a significant presence as state of the art approaches to processing customers in and out.  My own purchases are rather predictable, mostly gasoline, typically on Friday.  When I was working, coffee would sometimes be a separate pre-highway stop, and maybe a vegetable-bagel sandwich which seems discontinued from the current menu, as Modern Marvels suggested that fate for items that do not sell, do not attract customers, do not generate a profit, or are labor intensive.  While coffee generally has a better price than the coffee or breakfast chains, it is also easy to make at home and when necessary transfer to my own travel mug so since retiring, WaWa coffee has never been a priority, though I can be swayed by the $1 any size promotions.  They have Hoagie Fest periodically, $5 for a large custom hoagie.  Not the best by any means but a best buy.  And they have promotions on milk shakes, $2 for the pint size or $1 for a 32oz soda available in more varieties than anyplace else from a machine that I find intriguing.  And they have a cash machine that rarely brings me in for that alone but which I access if inside the store for something else.

As a food and fuel supplier, they were able to remain open during the Covid-19 closures, though utilization, at least on my part, changed significantly.  I drove less so some Fridays I did not fill my gas tank, or if I didn't want to go inside to the convenience store, I sometimes went someplace other than my usual WaWa.  And I never went inside.  My one indulgence, coffee, was not on sale.  More importantly, they eliminated the self-serve aspect which I depend on to customize what the mood brings me.  They have displays of type of coffee, different whiteners, different sweeteners, some additives.  It's not the same when you need to tell the lady at the counter what you want when you could be choosing among white, brown, or no sugar yourself.  And at full price, it's better just to use my k-cups.

Some recent advertising revealed the $1 any size promotion had returned.  Not that I need to make a special trip for coffee.  But since I needed gas, I went inside and found the self-serve completely restored except for the missing cinnamon and chocolate shakers.  Special on Blueberry Cobbler.  I filled my cup to 20 oz, added only light cream, and a travel top.  As a bonus, the promotion on milkshakes has also returned.  Later maybe.