As Me Cheshvan's inward focus continues to go well, a serious accomplishment of something I might have otherwise piddled every day, it's only partially satisfying. An element of loneliness has crept in, brought into awareness by its exceptions. I had a great time at Chabad for Simchat Torah, had meals with old friends three times. All were real connections. Far more are the illusion of connection, which may explain at least in part my inner hostility to my own synagogue, though they mean me no harm. I think they betray their logo: Embracing-Engaging-Enriching. Yes that's what I seek, probably a lot of people seek, but a logo doesn't deliver. As I score poorly on the UCLA Loneliness scale in its original and revised versions, and as those times of real conversation with old friends begin to stand out, I need to look beyond a Jewish month devoted to myself, for good reason, and decide where my authentic social connections will be.
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